Reversing Time
by captain ty
Summary: Sometimes the only way to move forward, is to explain the past. This is a story from Captain Ty and Ber1719.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: We don't own anyone but Jay and Sam oh and of course Kris. No disrespect is meant to the real men.

Well once again Ber 1719 and I have teamed up to bring you another combined tale, a little different, but we really hope that we don't disappoint. We love reviews as your muses are so demanding we like to keep them happy. We hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1

Sam pulled into the driveway, shutting off the engine and just sitting in the car listening to the engine tick as it cooled. The house was non-descript and fit well with the neighbors, but in the last year it had become more like a tomb than a house. She loved her Nana, but ever since her Poppy had died two years ago she found herself hating coming home.

Glancing at herself in the rearview mirror, she wiped the mascara smudges from under her eyes. She still couldn't think of Poppy without tearing up, his death had been so sudden. Frowning she thought of Nana, she'd not shed one tear at the funeral or any other time for that matter. Some days she wondered if she had ever loved Poppy at all. Shaking her head she gave herself one last critical look. The dark brown eyes staring back at her were so familiar. Nana had told her sometimes it was hard to look at her; she looked so much like her Poppy. Heaving a sigh she pushed the car door open, time to face the latest problem.

Unlocking the back door she plastered a smile on her face and called out, "Nana, I'm home, what's for lunch?" Giving a laugh she closed the door and headed for the kitchen to find it empty except for the television on the counter playing the noon time news. The fact that Nana wasn't at the stove this time of day had her more than worried; it had her scared.

When Poppy died two years ago, Nana had just given up. She ate very little and slept even less. When Sam had commented on it and she'd remarked rather snarky, that without her Ron, what was the point and since she'd not slept without him beside her in the last fifty years how was she expected to sleep. It had been the only outward show of emotion about losing Poppy Nana had shown.

Walking slowly through the house she called out, "Nana, it's Sam, I'm home. Where are you?" When no one answered she felt her heart accelerate and felt her whole body tense. This had been her biggest fear coming home to find Nana dead. Swallowing she approached the sun room and saw the back of Nana's head as she sat seeming to stare out at the back yard.

Stopping at the door she gripped the frame tightly and took a deep breath, "Nana, are you okay? Come on, its noon and I was kind of hungry." When the woman on the couch didn't move she felt the tears begin to slide down her cheeks, what she'd feared had come true, Nana had sat down and given up. Not that she would really blame her, Poppy and her and been together for fifty years and with his death, the older woman had just felt so lost.

Pushing off she walked slowly around the couch until she could see Nana's face. The eyes were open but she was staring off into nothing and her hands were clenched tightly at her sides. One of them holding a letter so tightly crushed it could tell anything about it. Reaching out slowly she touched Nana's shoulder, expecting to find it cold, instead she got the shock of her life when the woman jumped and dropped the paper she'd been holding.

"Dear Lord Samantha, are you trying to send me to an early grave or what? Next time give an old woman some warning." Nana's eyes seemed glazed and confused, but she was alive and functioning. Sam dipped her head and gave a prayer of thanks before lifting up and giving Nana a bored expression.

"Well I've only been calling you for the last few minutes and if anyone has had the life scared from them it's been me. I thought you were dead and then you weren't in the kitchen…"

"Oh dear, I'm sorry, I let time get away from me, I'll go and fix lunch now. Uh, I'm sorry." Leaning in she kissed Sam's cheek and headed off to the kitchen humming to herself as she went. 

Sam shook her head and listened as her Grandmother moved about the kitchen making lunch. Sitting down on the couch she looked out the window in the direction she'd been looking and saw nothing but trees. Not much help there, looking down at the floor she found the piece of crumbled paper she'd been holding crushed in her hand.

Reaching down she picked up the paper and laid it on the table pressing the edges open. Frowning she realized it was a letter and it was addressed to her grandmother.

_Kris,_

_ I'm sorry I didn't come to the funeral but I hope you can understand why I couldn't. The thought of seeing you so devastated brought me to my knees and I knew to see you again would only cause pain for both of us._

_ But I digress, I received a letter from Wild Bill and he and Babe have been very active in getting Easy members together for the 65__th__ Anniversary of D-Day. Well it just so happens that the BBC has taken an interest in the human side of it and is looking for members of Easy to give personal recounts of battlefields. They will pay for everything and the trip will start in April and end with a 6 June, ceremony at Normandy._

_ I know you are rolling you eyes and are thinking without him what's the point, but please come Kris, I want you to, more importantly I need you. To be honest I think you've been hiding ever since the end of the war, hiding behind him, come and do this, it'll be Babe, Bill and myself, with some other Easy members at Normandy. I know you've not been back since the movie premiere, but please come. For me! I've missed you more than words can express._

_Love,_

_Buck_

Putting the letter back on the table she looked into the kitchen to see Nana going about her daily routine as if the letter had never come. Frowning she realized if she wanted to know what was going on she'd have to dig herself, because Nana wasn't going to offer any information.

Walking into the kitchen she leaned against the doorframe and watched quietly as the older woman sat things out for the noon meal. Waiting until she had nothing in her hands, Sam pounced. "So Nana who's Buck?"

The older woman dropped the spoon she'd just picked up but didn't turn to face her granddaughter. Her whole body had tensed and she had to take a deep breath before answering, "oh just someone who was a friend a long time ago why do you ask."

Moving up beside Nana she gave her the same look that could be classified as pure Speirs, "well you see this letter," shaking it out in front of Nana, "was crumpled in your hand and ended up on the floor. Apparently he wants to see you very badly." Lifting her eyebrow she was puzzled by the look on her Grandmother's face.

The warm blue eyes had turned cold and instead of crumbling under the question, her face had grown tight and impassive. "Humph, sometimes you are too much like him for your own good. That is the same look he wore when he wanted the answers without giving any of his own. Fine, you want to know who Buck was…he was a friend of mine, one that I've not seen in over sixty years. Satisfied, or do you feel the need to interrogate me?"

"Nana, you know I'd never do anything that would hurt you. I was just curious, why does he want you to do the BBC interviews and what does the 65th anniversary have to do with you and Poppy?"

Krista laid the spoon down and stared at the ceiling. Part of her was screaming to see Buck and the rest of them, yet the other part, the one that always was afraid, wanted to stay her safe in her own home. Shaking her head she smiled at Sam, "there is so much you don't know about me or Poppy. Hmm, maybe I should contact Buck and then we'll go from there. Well for now, eat your lunch and we'll talk later."

Nodding she sat down and ate what was put in front of her not really caring what it was. At least Nana was going to explain the letter, that was a start from a woman who'd rather cut out her own tongue than talk about her past.

The meal had been quiet and to Sam, Nana had seemed even more reserved and at times nodded to some conversation only she could hear. When the lunch was finished she'd quietly stood collected the plates and washed them. Turning she leaned a hip against the counter and stared at Sam. "You know, maybe this would be good for both of us to get away. I think that Buck might have been right about one thing in that letter, I've been hiding here."

Saying nothing else she moved back into the sunroom taking the letter with her. When the door closed behind her Sam sighed and went to the kitchen to get another glass of tea. The closed door spoke volumes, Nana wasn't going to include her in this and whatever it was would remain a mystery until she felt like talking.

Moving back into the living room she glanced at the photos lining the mantle. Most were of her mother when she was younger or of herself. But there was one photo she loved and it had been moved to the back behind the others after Poppy's death. Pulling the photo out she ran her finger over it wiping away the dust. The photo was of Poppy and Nana. Him wearing his uniform and her in a dress, they are wrapped in each other's arms and smiling. Frowning she gave a closer look to the uniform. She'd always assumed that it was taken later in his career, but upon closer inspection she noticed he was wearing Lieutenant rank instead of the Lieutenant Colonel she'd expected.

Putting the photo back into place she did some quick math in her head. Her grandparents had been married for fifty years when he died. Yet they never talked about how they'd met, in fact it was almost like time never existed before 1955. Sitting on the couch she finished her drink and ran the still cool glass over her forehead, this whole thing had given her a headache.

When the door opened an hour later, Nana walked out and went to the chair across from her and sat down. "Sam I have a question to ask, would you like to come with me? I know you have work but I really wish you would come, it would be mean a great deal to me."

Lifting an eyebrow she tried to recover from her shock. Nana never asked her for anything and she certainly didn't share. The fact the woman wanted her to go meant this was something incredibly important to her. Giving her grandmother a smile, "I'd love to go with you. I just need the dates and you know I'll be there."

Nana nodded and picked up her knitting, "good I'll write everything out for you tonight. You'll want to pack some warmer clothes, even though its summer the coast of France and be cold that time of year."

Sam watched the older woman across from her knit calmly as if talking about the coast of France was an everyday occurrence. "Nana, do you realize I know very little about you or Poppy. I mean I never asked, but the two of you have always been so secretive about things, why?"

Nana laughed, "Samantha, we were never secretive, you just never asked and well, who wants to listen to old people talk about things that happened long before they were born."

Sam pushed off the couch and began to pace in sheer frustration, only to stop when her grandmother laughed softly. "Alright Nana, what's the joke I'm missing?"

"Oh I'm sorry, there is no joke it just amazes me sometimes how for you to be his granddaughter you are more like him than his own child was. Like the whole pacing thing, I expected to see you run your hand through your hair any moment."

Sam frowned and shook her head. The fact was she'd been about to do just that and the fact she was so much like Poppy was kind of funny. Sitting back down she was silent for a moment listening to the grandfather clock tick. Finally she stood and went over to kiss her grandmother. "I'll be back later to pick up the information. Try not to scare me again okay?"

Nana nodded, "yes dear, I'll do my best not to die and scare you when you come back." She watched her granddaughter leave chuckling softly. When the door closed she found herself alone again with only the ticking clock and her memories for company.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_London-2009_

"Well at least the hotel is nice don't you think Nana?" When she heard the grunt she rolled her eyes. Ever since they'd landed Nana had grown quiet, more so than normal. Sam had tried to draw her into any type of conversation but the old woman had kept her silence. Now they were going to be heading down stairs to meet with the others and Nana was still pacing from the closet to the bathroom and changing outfits.

"You know Nana, if I didn't know any better I would think you were nervous about seeing Buck again. I mean you've only changed outfits five different times, what's going on?"

Kris dropped into a chair and tossed the jacket she'd been carrying onto the bed, looking at her granddaughter she heaved a tired sigh. "There's nothing wrong and I guess I'm a little nervous about seeing them all again." Holding up her hands she shrugged, "they were my friends and I don't want them to think I've grown into an ugly old woman."

Sam smiled, getting up she went over to hug Nana. "Don't you worry; you've got a long way to go to ever be considered an ugly old woman. In fact I do believe I saw several gentlemen checking you out on the way through the airport. Now come on, no sense putting it off."

Kris pushed herself out of the chair with a tired sigh. She hadn't slept on the plane and now found herself exhausted. She'd go to dinner and then retire early. Let Sam keep everyone company. "Alright then young lady, let's get this over with."

The elevator ride down was quiet and as soon as they stepped off a man from the BBC, Tom was what Sam thought his name was, was there to lead them to a private dining room. Sam saw Nana stop just outside the door and take a deep breath, and then stepped forward into the room.

The conversation stopped as they entered and one man quickly got up from the table he was at and moved quickly to meet up with them. The man stopped in front of Nana was a smile on his face; his ice blue eyes saw nothing but Kris. Without a word her grandmother opened her opens and the man stepped forward and embraced her like a life line.

Not wanting to seem like a peeping tom Sam looked behind the man to see a younger version of him standing with a smile on his face. The young man stepped around the couple that were still embracing and talking softly to one another, holding out his hand, "hi, I'm Jay, the man currently wrapped like a vine around someone is my grandfather Buck Compton."

Sam shook his hand and looked over at the embracing couple one last time before offering him a smile. "Samantha Wills, granddaughter of the woman wrapped up in that embrace."

Before either could speak again, a strongly accented voice called from across the room, "yeah better watch out boy, that's Ron Speirs granddaughter and I'd know her anywhere."

Looking around she saw a couple of men seated at a table waving for her to come over and join them. "Well you gentlemen have me at a disadvantage, obviously you know me but who are you?"

Both men laughed and introduced themselves as Edward 'Babe' Heffron and Bill Guarnere, or Wild Bill if she preferred. The one called Bill eyed her for a moment and busted out laughing, "damn if you aint' like looking a female version of Sparky…how's your temper."

Laughing she sat down and eyed the man, "fair, but I have my moments."

Both men busted out laughing, "yeah we figured, they didn't call him Sparky for nothing. So have a drink, let you gran and Buck catch up. Come on over here young Compton, keep the lady company."

Across the room Buck stepped back to smile down at Kris, "God you look wonderful and even if I hadn't have known you immediately that granddaughter looks just like him."

Kris wiped her eyes, "yes she does, acts like him too, same mannerisms everything." She looked down and sighed, "some days it hurts to look at her. But let's not speak of that now, the coming days are going to be hard enough, let's join the others and just laugh." She laid her hand on his forearm and squeezed, "please Buck, just humor me for now."

Nodding he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her over to join the others.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As the night wore on Kris could feel her eyes begin to droop. She'd enjoyed the stories from Babe and Bill about their travels with the USO and they seemed to be enjoying life. The squeeze on her hand drew her attention back to the man sitting beside her. Buck had taken the chair next to her and taken her hand under the table. He'd yet to relinquish the hold.

At her lifted brow, he leaned in and whispered in her ear, "why don't you get some sleep Kris. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. Don't worry; we'll take care of Sam."

Nodding she got to her feet and laid her hands on his shoulders, addressing the table. "Well one and all, I'm not the woman I used to be and need my beauty rest." When she saw Sam getting to her feet, she waved her back into the chair. "No need for you to come. Stay and keep these dirty old men company, but don't believe half what they say." Chuckling at her joke, she leaned down, kissed Buck on the cheek, and then walked out of the dining room.

Across the table, Sam's frown had changed from one of concern to one of anger. Shaking her head after her grandmother had left she stared at Buck with the same anger she'd liked to have unleashed on Nana. What was the woman thinking; Poppy had only been dead two years and here she was kissing on some man and holding his hand like they were long lost lovers.

Buck was watching Sam's face and recognized the anger lighting the black eyes. He also knew what the woman was thinking; Sam honestly thought that Kris was betraying Ron's memory. Deciding to end this before it got started he tapped the table in front of her, "don't be angry with Kris, it's not what you think."

Sam snorted, "Really? Moreover, just how do you know what I think? Because from my position something isn't right about all this, the woman is friendlier to you than she ever was to her own family." Realizing she'd raised her voice she glanced around the table and saw everyone was now staring at her. Closing her eyes, she felt her cheeks heat in embarrassment.

Beside her Bill coughed, "well boys Wild Bill is heading to bed, how about you Babe?"

"Oh yeah right you are, my look at the time, I didn't realize it'd gotten that late."

By the time she was in control enough to meet Buck's eyes across the table everyone else was gone. Her lips slid into a smirk as she watched him, "guess you think I've made a fool out of myself don't you?"

He shook his head and took a sip of wine before answering. "No, I just think you don't understand her. Hell there was a time I made the same mistake and it cost me a lifetime of regret. Don't do the same now, never say or do what you can't take back."

Running a hand through her hair in frustration, she sighed and leaned back in the chair. "I'd never hurt her, but there is so much I don't understand. I've never and I do mean never seen Nana cry. Not when her daughter was killed or when the man she'd been with for fifty years suddenly died. Yet tonight, when she pulled away from you I saw her wiping the tears from her eyes. Care to explain that?"

Buck could feel the sadness mixed with anger rolling off Sam. All of this confused her and he quickly realized that Kris had kept her own council as usual. "I'm sorry I can't explain her reaction tonight."

Before he could finish Sam pushed to her feet, the temper her grandfather had been famous for pushing its way out of her. "Well let me tell you what I think. I think that it was all a lie and that she never loved Poppy, hell up until tonight I wasn't sure she could love anything. I get the feeling that she settled with him and the rest of us were just a buy product of that situation."

He watched her pace and tried to control his own temper, one thing was sure, he needed to remain calm or all this was going to get out of hand. "Sam, there is one thing I can tell you for certain and in the coming weeks, you'll realize this too Kris loved Ron with everything she had. You'll also learn that she's cried more tears than anyone ever should and that's why she doesn't break easily."

Sam's eyes narrowed and she sat back down across from him. "Really she loved him, well boy I can't wait to hear the story because it must be good. Do you realize I catch her watching me sometimes with the strangest look on her face almost like she wished I'd died with along with my parents?"

"No Sam that's where you're wrong. Did you ever see Ron when he was younger? Ah, I can tell by the look on your face that you didn't. Honey, she looks at you that way because it hurts to see you and know he is gone. Everyone handles death differently and well Kris…" he gave a shrug and weary sigh, "she just pushes the pain away along with everyone who cares for her. I promise just have patients and then you'll understand."

"Okay, well before I go, I've one more question…do you love her?"

Buck chuckled, "I've loved her for sixty plus years. I screwed up and lost her, lost her trust. By the time I'd realized my mistake, she was beyond my reach. But understand my love for her is not what you think, it's different now, and we are different now." He reached across the table and covered one of her hands with both of his. "But there is one thing I can promise you, I'd never hurt her nor would I tell her more than she wanted to hear."

Sam studied the man across from her and knew he was being truthful. Sliding her hand away she pushed to her feet, "well I guess we'll see. Good night Buck."

Buck watched her leave knowing that what was already going to be a tough few weeks suddenly got that much harder for them all.

****

Kris sat alone at the table the bruise like shadows under eyes the only sign that she'd not slept. She'd heard Kris come in and heard her pacing her room like a caged animal. Rubbing her forehead she could only imagine what'd driven her to that reaction, damn the girl was as high strung as Ron ever was.

"Can I join you?" Looking up she met the warm blue eyes of Jay Compton. Waving a hand at the chair across from her, she watched as he poured a cup of coffee and took his first sip.

"If you don't mind me saying, it looks like you had as hard a night as my Granddad?"

"What? What's wrong with Buck, is he okay?"

"Oh I'm sorry that's not what I meant; it just looks like you didn't sleep any more than he did. I know he wasn't happy when he came upstairs and wouldn't talk but," he gave a shrug and let the conversation die.

Kris looked over his shoulder to see Buck, Bill and Babe all come in together and make their way over, each of them pausing to kiss her cheek before they took their chairs.

"So where's that spunky granddaughter of yours?" Bill asked as he picked through the food on the table.

Shrugging she waved at the door, "well funny you should ask because here she is now."

Sam smiled and said good morning to everyone at the table before taking a seat next to Kris. It hadn't been lost on Kris that Sam refused to look at Buck or acknowledge his existence. She opened her mouth to say something but Buck covered her hand with his and shook his head. Sighing she realized that he was right and now wasn't the time.

Deciding to lighten the conversation Kris reached across and nudged Bill in the arm, "so, what's on the plan today?"

Swallowing the mouthful of scone, he took a drink of coffee before answering. "Well that BBC guy said we were heading to the studio that they wanted to get a little back ground interviews before we start. Then sometime this week they want us to talk about our experiences. I think maybe they've cancel the tours. Personally I'm not complaining."

Nodding her head, she looked over at Sam, "Sam when we do the interviews I'd like for you to be in the room with me."

Sam couldn't hide the shocked look, "okay Nana, I'll do whatever you want."

"Good that's settled. Oh better eat faster Bill, here comes the BBC crew now.

****

"Alright then Mrs. Speirs are you comfortable?"

Kris waved a hand at the young woman sitting across from her. "I'm fine but since we are going to be spending a large amount of time together call me Kris. Mrs. Speirs makes me feel old."

"Alright then, I'm Adie. Let's just start where ever you feel comfortable. I'd like a little background on you and then we can move into how you were involved in the war effort."

Kris nodded and smiled at her granddaughter. "Alright then, I was born in a small town outside of Atlanta, Georgia in 1925. I was sixteen years old when the war started. I had a good friend who knew a friend of a friend so to speak that allowed me to fake a birth certificate and other documents to say that I was seventeen. That same friend of a friend signed as my mother giving me permission to join the Nurse Corps."

"Now I'm sure you are curious as to why a sixteen year old girl would want to pack up and leave home. That's easy; my father was an abusive drunk." Holding up a hand, she begged patients from her listeners who had gasped in shock. "Now calm down, not sexually but if he couldn't find my mother to beat on, he'd beat on me." Her brittle laugh echoed inside the small room. "In fact the day I left for training I was still sporting a black eye."

She gave a weary sigh, "you know I've not talked about that any of that in a very long time. At the time, I thought that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Little did I know how wrong I would be."

Adie gave a small smile. "You know I think that's enough for now. We'll pick up everything tomorrow. The plan is to let you talk and record until you grow tired. We won't ask questions unless we feel there is something additional we need."

Kris nodded her head; she didn't realize how tiring thinking about the past would be. "Good, well I guess we'll see you tomorrow then, come on Sam."

The ride back to the hotel was silent. Kris trying not to think and Sam thinking too hard, arriving at the hotel both women remained silent all through diner, letting the conversation and jokes flow around them. When Sam got up to leave Kris watched her go and then finally relaxed back in the chair. With only Bill, Buck and Babe left at the table she sighed and looked at each of them in turn.

"Well I guess tomorrow I start my story, hmm, I wonder what she thinks about today?"

Buck covered her hand with his, "so she knows about your father."

"She was there, she knows and not one word. Not that I really expected her to say anything, but maybe knowing that she'll gain some understanding of the rest."

Bill shook his head, "kids can be hard headed, especially when they think they know better."

Everyone at the table nodded but remained silent. Finally Buck grabbed Kris's hand, "come take a walk with me."

"Okay." Smiling she stood wishing everyone a good night and left the hotel with Buck.

They walked together remaining silent until they came to a small park. Stopping Buck smiled at her and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, it looks serious though, I'm not sure I'm up to a serious conversation right now."

He laughed, "no I was just wondering…did you…do you regret what happened between us?"

She pulled her hands free of his and turned away. "I can't believe you would ask something like that. I regretted it at the time, but never over the last years. You have to believe me when I tell you I honestly loved Ron. I'll see back at the hotel and when I do, this conversation never took place."

Buck watched her walk away, back straight hands clenched at her sides. It was 1944 all over again, he'd pushed her too hard, and the result was she'd walked away. Sighing he turned and headed back to the hotel alone.

****

Kris didn't pay attention to where she was going, she only knew she couldn't go back to the hotel. Why did Buck have to bring the past up? Hadn't things been going okay? Sighing she turned back toward the hotel, the last thing she wanted was for Sam to worry.

Opening the door to their suite, she shut it as quietly as she could, walked over to the small table, and sat in the dark. Tomorrow was going to be a difficult day but maybe getting the past into the light would be for the best.

Pulling her purse off the floor, she dug through it until she found her wallet. Opening it, she could just make out the picture she carried with her. In the dim light, the photo showed a young handsome man with dark hair, flashing dark eyes and full lips. Running her finger off the photo, she was shocked when a drop splashed on her hand.

"Oh Ron, why does no one believe that I loved you? I miss you so much, why did you have to leave me?"

"Nana, are you okay?"

Sam's voice caused her to drop the wallet and quickly wipe her face. "I'm fine except for you trying to scare me to death. What do you want?" She winced at the sound of her own voice, never meaning for it to be as harsh as it had sounded. Glancing at Sam, she wanted to cringe again at the look on her face.

"I didn't want anything but to make sure you were okay, but you always are okay aren't you?" Sam spun on her heel heading back to her room slamming the door behind her.

Kris raised her hand to try to stop her only to drop it with the slamming of the door. Bending down she lifted the wallet kissing the photo before putting it away. "Well Ron, looks like a screwed up again."

****

When Adie finished attaching the mike to her blouse, Kris looked over her shoulder at Sam who was sitting impassively looking at her. If she could have sighed, she would have, Sam was pissed but wasn't going to say anything, couldn't the girl fight like a normal person.

"Okay Kris, whenever you're ready."

Taking a drink from the water glass, she sat it down and drew in a deep breath. "Well let's see, I finished training in late 1942 and was sent straight to England. I arrived almost a year ahead of the Americans troops. The Americans were sending nurses on a volunteer bases to work in British hospital, I just happened to be one of those volunteers."

"About a year later, after all the Americans had arrived a friend of mine at the hospital felt sorry for me one night and set me up on a blind date. I didn't go out much and not having any experience with men was very shy. I almost didn't go, but I did and I can say that it was a very nice time."

Adie leaned forward, "so this is when you met your husband?"

Kris laughed, "oh no dear that would be another six months in the future. This man was funny, handsome and very…hmm, sexy."

Sam had sat up straighter realizing that something interesting was about to be revealed. She was dying to ask the question, but Adie, beat her to it, "so what was the name of his mystery man?"

Kris gave a small smile, "Lieutenant Buck Compton."

The gasp from the two women listening echoed in the room, followed by Sam's very spot on comment, "well that explains some things."

Kris lifted her eyebrow and smiled at her granddaughter, "honey, you've not heard anything yet. So without further delay, let me tell you about one cold day in March of 1944.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Aldbourne, England-1944_

She stood watching the rain splash into the puddles between her and the hospital. Peeking from under the eave at the slate gray sky above she reconfirmed to herself why she hated England.

"Kris, you standing there watching it rain isn't going to stop it, so why not make a run for it." Milly joined her at the door both of them staring out at the rain. "You do this every morning and every morning you just make a run for it, so why do this routine?"

Sighing she wrapped an arm around Milly's shoulder "yes my dear, I know that, but there is something to be said for routine and well I got up this morning feeling like something was…well off. So to try and right my small portion of the world I'm following my routine."

Milly giggled and pushed Kris out the door, "well you better run then." She was still laughing as she closed the door.

Kris growled in her throat and continued to try to run across the mud and puddles without getting any wetter than necessary. Once she got inside the hospital, she called out to Dave the British corpsman that was normally at the front desk.

When no one answered she started down the hall only to be run over by Dave escaping a from an exam room. "Dave where are you going what's wrong?"

"Oh thank God you are here; you go in there and deal with the American's you're one them I'll go for the doctor."

She watched the man run down the hall and out the door before she could ask exactly what the problem was. Shrugging she opened the door and plastered a smile on her face. "Well good morning, what's the problem?"

The man on the table was moaning in pain stopping long enough to scream and point behind her, "he shot me! That cold-hearted bastard shot me. Ask him, just ask him, he won't deny it I swear he's proud of it."

Turning she saw the man standing quietly in the corner staring at her, his dark eyes not blinking, yet his gaze never wavering. The look on his face completely serene in the mist of the chaos around them, his arms crossed and his body leaned casually against the wall.

"So are you going to ask me or stare at me?"

His voice was low and deep. While she shivered at the sound of his voice, the flat tone had her swallowing in an attempt to control her nerves.

"Well alright, did you shoot him?" God she couldn't believe the waver in her voice.

The slight lifting of his lips in one corner gave her the answer before the words left his mouth. "Yes."

Her mouth dropped open in shock. She couldn't believe she was standing here talking to an American officer and he was admitting he'd just shot one of his own men. Turning her back on him in an attempt to control her anger she stared cutting the pants off the soldier on the table and asked the question over her shoulder, "how much morphine did you give him?"

The low chuckle from behind her sent shivers down her spine, the closeness of the sound made her think he was standing right behind her, yet she hadn't heard him move. His voice was right behind her when he spoke, "I didn't give him any morphine that would have defeated the purpose behind the lesson he needed to learn."

Reaching across the soldier, she picked up the vial of morphine and injected him before spinning to face the devil. Unfortunately, she turned to find herself pressed against his chest. "You need to step back Lieutenant."

Once again, the low seductive sound of his laugh reached her ears, "why? I'm quite happy where I am."

Growling she gave him a hard shove catching him off guard. Moving away from him, she propped both hands on her hips, "what the hell do you mean by the lesson he needed to learn? Aren't the Germans supposed to be the one shooting us? I can't believe you; you must be insane or completely inhumane."

When she called him insane, the smirk that had graced his lips disappeared and they tightened into a grimace. "I'm not insane. I just don't tolerate disobedience from anyone at any time."

Backing up she bumped into the wall. When she realized what she'd done she pushed off the wall and walked back over to stand directly in front of him. Using her finger, she punctuated each word, "well let me tell you something Lieutenant, that brut he-man attitude might work on some, but I'm not afraid of you. Now get your stubborn, pig-head, jerk self out of my way."

As she stepped around him, his hand grasped her upper arm and squeezed hard. "I never said we were done." He slowly turned his head to look down at her. His dark eyes glowed with something dark and unnamed.

Looking down at his hand on her arm, she narrowed her eyes and looked back up at him. "Get your hands off me. Now!" She felt her cheeks heat with anger, how dare he lay one hand on her. Giving a hard pull, she tried to jerk her arm away only to have him tighten his grip.

Both of them stood silent, the staring match unbroken even by the low moans of the man on the table. Who knew how long they'd stood and stared at one another, the grip on her arm and lessened somewhere during this time and his eyes had taken on a new kind of intensity. She found herself becoming aware of him, not as an officer who was trying to intimidate her, but as a man. Suddenly she found that she wasn't all that anxious for him to let go.

"Hey, you going to stop playing with him, I'm bleeding to death over here."

The soldier's voice had the same effect as if cold water had been thrown on her and she jerked her arm away and slapped his face at the same time. Her voice low and threatening "don't ever think you have permission to touch me." Turning her back on him, she moved quickly to treat the soldier who was now snickering.

"Oh Lieutenant, before you go, mind telling me what he did to disobey you?"

This time his voice came from the doorway, low and menacing. "he was ordered to go on a patrol and was too drunk to do it."

Jerking her head up she met his eyes for a moment realizing she might have been wrong. His smirk appeared slowly, "I'll see you around, and you can count on that. I think you owe me for that slap."

The soldier lying below her giggled again, "see I told you he was proud of shooting me."

Squeezing down on the wound she let him yell, "oh, did that hurt. Next time he might shoot you in the head." As she wrapped the wound, she tried to get the dark eyed Lieutenant out of her mind. She had a boyfriend, one who was friendly, open and handsome. What did she need with a dark brooding jerk?

****

_London-2009_

She hadn't realized she'd become lost in the story until she opened her eyes to see Sam and Adie both staring at her with their mouths open. "What, what's wrong with you two?"

Sam shook her head, "Nana, I'm not sure what surprises me more about you, the fact that you were a nurse during the war or that you slapped Poppy? First why didn't you ever say anything about being a nurse?"

Kris shrugged, "well it just never came up and after the war ended I never wanted to think about it again. You'll understand that part as I go."

Sam snorted, Nana never just answered a question straight, "well okay then let's get to the current discussion. I can't believe you slapped him. I had always thought the two of you were a love match."

Kris laughed, "love match? Damn more like a match made in hell at first. Trust me the man was a serious thorn in my side, he was all controlling and gruff."

Adie cleared her throat, "not to interrupt, but you actually slapped Ron Speirs? I can't get over it."

"Why, he was just another man. Besides, at the time he was a little too forward for my taste." Reaching down she lifted the glass of water and drank. Sometimes she honestly forgot about the fear that had always gone along with Ron's name. To her, well, he was something and someone else all together.

Both Sam and Adie had their heads together whispering and looking at her from time to time. Frowning she could only imagine what the two of them were up to now.

"Uh, so Kris would you like to continue, I mean we do have some time if you wanted."

"Oh come on Nana, you can't leave me hanging here, what about Buck?"

Kris sat the water down and nodded, "okay, one last tale for today and then I'm done. This old woman needs her rest. Alright let me see where was I…"

****

_Aldbourne-1944_

Brushing her hair off her forehead with her arm, she looked down at her hands that were covered in plaster of Paris. This was the fourth paratrooper they'd had today with a broken leg. Her day had definitely been off, first a gunshot to the leg and now…four broken legs.

Sighing she turned and began to put items away only to feel two strong arms wrap around her waist, the breath against her neck causing her to squirm.

"Ah, just the way I like my ladies, at my mercy and warm in my arms."

Her soft giggle turned to sighs as Buck slowly kissed his way down her neck. "Hmm, as good as that feels you need to stop. I need to finish my work and then later you can take me out."

He released her with a sigh, "well if I must, but I have to admit, I find your neck simply irresistible."

"Well if you're a good boy, I'll let you enjoy it later." Washing her hands she dried them and gave him a smile, "so how was your day?"

"Hmm, not too bad except for this rain. Come on, you've been here a year, how do you adjust to it?"

"I don't know you just try not to mold I guess. So where are you taking me for diner?" Leaning up against the wall next to him, she ran a finger down his chest. She really did believe that if things stayed constant that they had a future, now if this silly war wasn't in the way.

Buck cupped her face and ran his thumb underneath her eye, "bad day sweetheart? You look tired; maybe we should call it an early night."

She leaned into him and put her forehead against his chest. He always cared about her she could count on that. "No that's okay, I want to go out, make me forget about this morning."

He pushed her off his chest so he could see her face, "care to tell me about this morning?" He knew it had to have been bad just from the way she was biting her lip and the frown line between her eyebrows.

"Can we please talk about this later? I think I'll just meet you at the mess hall and we can go from there okay?"

Leaning in he kissed her forehead. "Alright, I'll see you then, don't take too long."

She smiled as she watched him go. She didn't know how she'd gotten so lucky as to meet someone as wonderful as Buck.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When she walked into the mess hall an hour later, she glanced around the room looking for Buck. Spotting him in a back corner, she started across to grab a seat, not realizing someone was watching her.

He'd been about to leave when he saw her come in. Her auburn curls once again tamed back into a secure bun at the base of her neck. He had to admit he enjoyed watching her. As she crossed the room, he noted the gracefulness of her walk, the sway of her hips. She was taller than average, but rounded out very nicely, in fact from what he'd felt this morning she could give a pin-up girl a run for her money. He recalled the smooth creaminess of her skin, and the way her blue eyes had flashed in anger. There was something deeper to her, something he would enjoy finding. His intensified his stare as if he could will her to look his way.

Yet he was disappointed when those deep blue eyes never wavered from their focus, Buck Compton. Frowning he realized that Compton might present a problem, especially when she gently laid her hands on his shoulders and kissed his cheek. As the thought slithered through his brain, the smirk on his face grew. It was a simple matter really; she'd never been offered a choice between Compton and someone else. He'd just have to make sure she knew she had options.

She sat next to Buck and enjoyed listening to him and his men tease each other. Anything to get her mind off the day she'd had. The incident this morning had been a bad way to start the day and as much as she'd tried to concentrate on other things she couldn't push those of the dark eyed Lieutenant out of her head. Rubbing the back of her neck, she tried to relieve the tension that had suddenly built up.

The short hairs at the base of her skull suddenly stood on end; someone was staring at her; hard. Looking around over her shoulder, she tried to see if anyone was looking there way, but it appeared everyone around them was either eating or engaged in their own conversations.

"Kris, hey Kris, you okay?"

Turning back, she gave Buck a glazed stare, "uh yeah, uh…never mind, was there something you wanted?"

"I asked if you wanted to eat or would rather head on to the pub?"

She glanced over her shoulder as she tried to shake the feeling that someone was watching, "let's head on to the pub."

As they, all headed for the door Buck wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. Kris was defiantly acting strange tonight and he wondered if that had anything to do with what had happened this morning.

****

_London- 2009_

Kris shook herself out of the daydream she'd fell into as she talked. She'd forgotten that day, how strange the entire event had been. Smiling she looked over at Sam and Adie.

"Well the two of you look amazed or shocked, not sure which, unfortunately I think I'm done for today."

Adie stood and removed the mike from her jacket. "I understand, but I must admit I can't wait to hear the rest of this. You really are a wonderful story teller."

"Yes, well it's easy to tell when you're talking about your life. So Sam, are you ready to go?"

Sam nodded and followed Kris outside to where the car was waiting. She could feel Nana's eyes on her as they drove back to the hotel. She knew that her silence was bothering Nana, but so far she'd had so much to think about when they left every day she couldn't seem to focus. There was so much she wanted to ask. When she heard Kris sigh and turn to look at the window she pulled herself together and reached a to touch her hand.

"Nana, can I ask you something?"

The older woman nodded and Sam chewed her lip, still undecided if she wanted to know.

"Sam, just ask, don't worry about what I'll think?"

"Alright then, did you love Buck?"

Kris gave a sad laugh, "yes I did, but not enough. I know you don't understand that, but from the moment I saw Ron, there was something. Oh now don't get me wrong, he was a huge ass, but still." She shrugged, "I hope as we go you'll understand more what I mean by not loving Buck enough, but in turn he didn't love me enough to survive what was coming."

Sam pulled Kris into a hug, "it's okay Nana, I'll try to understand I promise."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_London-2009_

Kris passed on diner and went straight to the room leaving Sam alone with her thoughts. Grabbing a stool at the bar she ordered a double whiskey on the rocks and tried to wrap her head around the story Nana was telling. All this time she'd thought her grandmother was stuffy and boring. Turns out, she'd been a real live wire. The fact that she and Poppy had ever gotten together was proving to be a source of entertainment.

"So is this seat taken, or can I join you?"

Glancing over she saw Jay standing beside the stool smiling and waiting for an answer. Waving a hand at the chair, he sat and ordered a drink. "So what do you think of the story so far?"

Sam frowned at him, "well now that's an odd way to phrase the question. Can I take that to mean you knew the whole story?"

Rosy color filled his cheeks and his eyes slid away from hers. "Well I did know my granddad's side of it. He thought since I'd be with him that I should know what was between them. The whole think is kind of sad huh?"

Sam shrugged, "I don't know, I mean they both seem happy with how things went, wouldn't you say?"

"I guess, but you know granddad never really got over it and well he always thought your grandfather took advantage of the situation."

Sam snorted, "well that proves that you granddad didn't know my grandmother very well, I doubt she'd ever let someone take advantage of her."

Jay sighed, "you're probably right and you know he really does blame himself, he won't tell me what broke them up, well at least he won't say more than he was a stubborn fool."

Swirling her drink around in her glass she mumbled, "yeah well that seems to be going around a lot."

"What's that, I didn't hear you?"

"Nothing, just talking out loud I guess, so what about you, having a good time?"

He smiled and glanced over at Sam, "well good enough I guess, I was wondering would you like to maybe go to diner tomorrow night, just the two of us?"

Sam almost said something smart and then glanced at the man sitting next to her. He was handsome in the wholesome boy next door, not normally the type she would have dated, but hey, never hurt to try something new. She gave him a smile, "sure why not, eight tomorrow night work for you?"

His entire face lit up with his smile, "that works just fine. So I guess I'll leave you to your thoughts." Picking up her hand, he kissed the back of it and smiled up at her, "till tomorrow night then."

Sam watched him leave with a silly smile on her face. That had been the first time anyone had ever kissed her hand. How very old fashion yet romantic at the same time. Hmm, maybe Jay Compton wasn't that bad after all.

****

_Aldbourne-1944_

Buck pulled her closer as they danced. The tension that had been radiating from her body was slowly fading. She still hadn't told him what happened this morning, but if she was relaxing he wasn't going to push her for answers. Bending his head down he brushed her ear with his lips, "you know maybe you and I could get out of here. I know this secluded spot that I would love to show you."

"Hmm, really, I think I was told once to be afraid of secluded spots." Looping her arms around his neck, she let her body slide against his. He definitely tested her will power to stay out of dark secluded places.

Buck lifted her off the ground and pulled her closer, allowing him to caress her neck with his lips. He'd found that her neck was very sensitive, so like any good military officer, he exploited a known weakness to gain the advantage. She sighed softly and shifted her neck to the side. Oh yes, his exploitation was definitely working. He was contemplating his next move when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Well Compton since you have the prettiest lady here tonight, mind if I cut in."

Buck turned to frown over his shoulder at Speirs, who was giving him a bored expression. In his arms, Kris had tensed up and wiggled to get back on her feet. When he looked down at her, he saw that she was looking at Speirs with a strange expression on her face. Turning back to Speirs he shrugged, "yeah she's the prettiest gal here but I'm not so sure I want to share."

The smile Ron gave held all the warmth of ice in winter, "well how about we ask the lady, after all shouldn't it be her choice?"

Kris watched as the two men stared at each other in a battle of wills. This situation was ridiculous. However, since she had no idea what Speirs would do she laid her hand on Buck's arm. "It's okay, come on its only one dance. Don't you trust me?"

Buck grunted, "it's not you I don't trust, alright Speirs one dance." Stepping aside he watched as Kris stepped into the other man's arms and was swept out onto the dance floor.

"Well at least now I know your name Lieutenant." Kris tried to keep her voice steady and normal, even as her pulse raced through her body.

"You know you never asked my name, would you like to know my first name Kris?"

"What, I don't understand, how do you know my name?"

He gave a shrug and smiled, "I listen to people talk, and well it wasn't hard to find out." Letting his hand slide up her back, he caressed the skin of her neck with his thumb. The shiver that passed through her body caused him to pull her closer, he'd just found a sensitive spot.

"What are you doing Lieutenant?"

"Nothing, is there a problem? Or do you want to know my name now?"

She sighed and lifted her eyes to him. "Alright, what's your name?"

He gave her another smile and grasped the back of her neck with his hand, continuing to stroke her skin. "My name's Ron and I'd like to hear you use it."

Straightening her spine and gave him a tight smile, "I'll think about it. But right now I'd ask you to stop rubbing my neck, I don't like it."

He leaned in to whisper in her ear, his lips caressing the delicate lobe, "oh no, you like it, I think you like it just a little too much, so I think I'll keep doing it."

Her eyes closed and she felt her body leaning into him. She'd never felt this way with Buck and she could only imagine this was what pure lust felt like. Not a good thing, when you were in love with another man. Her voice sounded pleading even to her ears, "please stop, I'm with another man, don't do this."

Ron paused for a moment, her voice had sounded so sad and pleading he almost gave in. Instead, he ignored her plea and continued to caress her neck. "You could always give me a chance couldn't you? Or are you so in love with Compton that you couldn't possibly be feeling what you're feeling."

Kris lifted her eyes and looked at him, "how could you possibly know what I'm feeling?"

"Alright Speirs you've had your dance. Find another lady and give me mine." Buck's hand landed on Ron's shoulder breaking the spell between him and Kris.

When Speirs stepped away Kris relaxed and stepped back into Buck's arms. "Well hello handsome, funny meeting you here." Her smile was warm and sweet, the total opposite of the storm raging within her. She could still see Ron standing in the background watching. His eyes caressed her body as they moved over her.

She tried to relax and enjoy the dance but was failing miserable, giving Buck a small smile, "you know I think I'm more tired than I thought, would you mind if we called it a night?"

He wrapped her hand over his arm. "Of course not, I'll walk you home."

As they walked out of the pub, the dark gazed never left her and she had the strongest suspicion it never would.

****

_London-2009_

Kris jerked awake her heart pounding in her chest, the sweat cooling on her body. Glancing at the window, she saw the faint traces of dawn lighting the glass. Reaching for the phone, she called for room service to deliver toast and coffee. Taking her robe, she wrapped around her and headed into the main sitting area so she heard the door when they knocked.

The whole dream had seemed too real; she could almost smell the smoky interior of the pub. The way Buck's cologne had mixed with the other smells, his body warm and strong. Thinking of the way Ron had acted that night; part of her should have known what he would do, that he was willing to fight for what he wanted. Instead, she'd played the whole thing off like it was nothing.

Oh, Buck had understood her exhaustion, hell they were all exhausted, but the sense of the upcoming invasion kept them high on adrenaline. Little did they realize what the reality would be, the loss of friends and men, and the loss of their youth.

Going to the door, she let the bus boy enter and set things on the table tipping him as he left. Sitting at the table, she poured a coffee and sat sipping at the brew. She didn't want to think any more. The things she'd pushed from her mind over the years should stay there, but she'd agreed and she'd keep her word.

"Nana, what are you doing up so early, are you okay?"

Smiling at Sam, she patted the chair next to her. "I'm fine dear, when you get to be my age you don't want to sleep too much, you might miss what time you have left. So tell me about your dinner last night?"

Sam gave her a smirk that caused her heart to begin to pound in her chest. She'd seen that smirk before, usually when Ron knew something she didn't. Of course, Sam's faded to be replaced by a normal smile. "Well it just so happens I ran into Jay last night and he asked me out for tonight? How do you feel about that?"

Kris snorted, "you don't need my permission, you're a grown woman. Go have fun, if he's half the man Buck is, you'll have a good time."

Sam heard the catch in Kris's voice but let it go. Picking up her coffee, she glanced over at the clock, "so what time do we get picked up this morning?"

Kris glanced at the clock as well, frowning when she saw the time, how had two hours escaped her? "Uh in about an hour, I better get ready. Have some toast dear, you're much too thin."

Sam watched Kris go back into her room with a frown. Here was a woman so thin she looked like an escapee from prison telling her she was too thin? Today was doing to be a strange day.

Two hours later, they were seated back in the studio and Adie was waiting for Kris to begin. "Start wherever you feel comfortable, we can ask questions to fill in the blanks later."

Kris nodded her head, "well then it's best to skip ahead a couple of months till May, that's when things really changed."

****

_Aldbourne-1944_

Kris shut the door to the pharmacy behind her and held her breath. She could hear the boots coming down the hall and only by chance saw him before he saw her. Ron had been to the hospital several times over the last few months trying to talk to her and she'd either managed to not be there, or hide as she was doing now.

She knew she was being a coward about it and maybe if she was more experienced with men she'd handle him up front, but whatever there was between the two of them she couldn't define much less gain control of. The sound of his voice just outside the door sent shivers down her spine. Closing her eyes, she tried to get control of her traitorous body. Pressing her ear to the door, he was speaking softly enough she couldn't make out the words, but heard the tone.

He'd used that same soft seductive tone on the dance floor. The one that curled her insides and created images of them naked together, his body wrapped around hers. Damn, clenching her hands she tried to erase the images from her mind. Images that had invaded her sleep a little too often for comfort. The traitorous part of her mind kept reminding her that Buck's voice never did that to her, and if his voice got her this excited imagine what the rest of him could do.

As the boots faded, a soft knock came to the door. "It's okay Kris it's me Millie, he's gone, but he left something you really need to see."

Ripping the door open she gave Millie a strange look, okay what do I need to see?"

Millie handed her the paper. "He said that came straight from Colonel Sink's office and that when I saw you to give that directly to you and that you probably needed to walk and read at the same time, it was that important."

Kris ripped open the letter and read the words without comprehending what they were saying. Shaking her head she handed it back to Millie. "Look I think I'm a little loopy today, could you read that and tell me what it says."

She watched as Millie read and when the other woman gasped and jerked her head up to stare at her she wince. Apparently, she hadn't been addled; it had said that she was going to be reassigned to second battalion.

"Dear Lord Kris do you realize what this means? This means you are going to be in the thick of the bloody invasion."

Groaning she hit her head against the wall. "Yeah I know that's what it means. I guess I better go talk to Sink and look if Buck comes around don't mention this, I'd like to tell him myself."

Millie nodded, "no problem, but before you go, do you mind me asking you a question?"

"No, go ahead."

"Well not that it's my business, but what do you plan to do about that handsome stud that keeps coming in here? I mean I thought you and Buck were serious?"

She groaned ash she put her jacket on, "Yes, Buck and I are serious and no, I've got no idea what I'm going to do with Speirs. I don't even know what he's after."

Millie giggled, "oh sweetie, if you don't know what he's after, you're more naïve than I thought."

Heading off to Sink's office she tried not to think too hard on what Millie had said. She knew Ron wanted her and well she was sure she wanted him. Sighing she knocked and Sink's door and waited for her life to change.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Aldbourne-1944_

The hand that reached out to knock on the door was less than steady. She'd heard rumors that Sink could be a real bear, and the gruff response to her knock did nothing to set her at ease. Entering the room, the older man behind the desk didn't look up from his paper but motioned for her to have a seat.

The silence was more terrifying that words and she began to imagine all kinds of things as she waited for him to finish what he was reading. He was older than she'd thought he would be and as long as he was quiet she could think of him as a kindly grandfather. The illusion she was hanging onto shattered when he lifted his head and stared at her.

"Well, you're a hard woman to catch up with Lieutenant McCoy. Damn if I'd known Speirs would be successful this quick I'd have sic'd him on you sooner." 

Kris swallowed hard to remain quiet, the whole thought of Speirs being sic'd on her brought dark and delicious thoughts to mind. Pulling her mind away from that place, she watched as Sink walked around the desk and sat on the corner closest to her.

"Now young lady, I'm sure you've read the note I sent along with Speirs and while you really don't have a choice about this I'd like to hear your thoughts. Well speak up girl; I know you're not afraid are you?" The humor lit his blue eyes taking some of the gruffness out of his last statement.

She understood the reason why they needed her and part of her was happy to be close to Buck, the other half was terrified. She'd never been on a airplane, much less thought about jumping out of one. "Well sir, since this was so sudden, I must admit I'm in a bit of a shock here. So I guess I'll just ask the next step."

"Well tomorrow morning you'll be shipped off to Chilton Foliat, that's where we train all non-combat personnel to jump. When you come back in two weeks, I believe you'll be more than ready. So now, you have any further questions?"

Finding she couldn't wrap her mind around any one thing at a time she merely gave him a negative nod and got to her feet. She was shocked when Sink laid his hand on her arm, his face softening for the first time since she'd entered. "Don't worry, it's going to be okay and besides, you only have to do it once."

Nodding she turned and walked out the door. Dropping back against the wall in shock once she was in the hallway. To say she was terrified was an understatement. Worse yet she still had to tell Buck. Rolling her eyes, she pushed off from the wall and headed back to the hospital, realizing night had fallen. Buck wasn't going to be happy, but she'd always felt that bad news never got better with age, she altered her course and headed for the pub.

Entering she did a quick scan to check for Ron, the last thing she needed tonight was a run in with him. Luck was on her side today as the pub was mostly empty and Buck was sitting alone at the bar. Making her way over she slid onto the stool next to him, "well hello handsome. Is this seat taken or will I do?"

Buck turned and gave her a huge smile. "Well you know, my day was not going so well but seeing you makes it all the better. I came by the hospital and Millie said you were called away anything wrong?"

She bit her lip and came to quick decision, better to blurt it out and let the chips fall where they may. "Well no nothing is wrong exactly, but the good news is we're going to spend a lot more time together."

He frowned at her and laughed, "okay so maybe you need to fill in the blanks here, what do you mean we'll be together more?"

"See, I was called to Colonel Sink's office and he's decided that I'll be assigned to second battalion as their nurse and I leave in the morning for jump training by the way, so see, lots more time together, well minus this little two week break." She took a deep breath and sat back to wait. She'd spilled the entire story without taking a breath and she could see Buck running it through his mind. She winced when she saw the look on his face as he figured it out.

"No absolutely not. No woman of mine is going to jump out of airplanes and get herself hurt. How could you even think of doing something so stupid?" His face had turned a deep shade of red as his anger grew.

At first all she could do was stare, here was the calmest most normal man she'd met to and he was becoming completely irrational over the discussion. "Buck I think you need to calm down and listen to me."

"No, I've told you how I felt and all you need to do is comply, what's your problem?"

She felt her blood chill in her veins. He was acting just as her father always had, right before the fist began to fly. Swallowing she slid off the stool and lifted her chin. "Let me make one thing very clear to you, I can't turn this down. I'm in the military the same as you and when I'm told to do something I go. Second, you don't own me and don't think you can ever, and I do mean ever, tell me what I can and can't do." She turned to leave while she still had her composure, until his hand clamped down on her upper arm.

"Now wait just a god damn minute, we're not done here. You are not even taking into consideration my feelings; you're not listening to me."

She jerked her arm away from him as the tears slid silently down her cheeks. "Don't ever grab me again and don't ever touch me again. We're done Buck." Turning she fled the pub before any more tears could escape.

****

_London-2009_

She didn't know she was crying until Adie handed her a tissue. "Oh, oh well thank you." Wiping under her eyes she noticed the other two women sniffling as well. "Oh now tears do no good, it's the past and well you can't go back and change it."

"Nana is this argument what he regrets so much? Is this why he feels like he screwed up so badly?"

Kris smiled sadly, "child this was merely the beginning of the end. We might have stood a chance had your grandfather not been around, but I really don't think so. Buck was young and well so was I. Too many misunderstandings to go back on, too many hurtful things."

"Kris, did Lieutenant Compton know about your father prior to this?" Adie spoke in her soft calming voice from the corner.

"Yes, he'd known, but when you are young and passionate about something, you tend to forget minor details." She held her hands out and shrugged, "but I'll tell you, as much as I cared for him, meeting your grandfather made me realize I didn't love him. Not as I should any way."

"Oh Nana, don't you regret it?" Sam couldn't believe that the woman who was sitting across from her had lead such a life and the more she heard about her and her grandfather's love life, it boggled the mind.

"Sam I regret many things in my life, but never loving your grandfather. Nevertheless, I digress. I think I need to finish more of the story and well you'll either understand or you won't."

"Alright Kris, we can continue, how about telling us about jump training."

Kris laughed, "oh yes now there was two interesting weeks and I'm not talking about the jumping part."

****

_Chilton Foliat_

She arrived at Chilton Foliat the same way she'd left Aldbourne, red-eyed and exhausted. Millie had tried to get her to take something so she could rest, but she refused, the last thing she'd needed was to be drugged. At least when she wasn't asleep she could think about one emotional disaster at a time.

When she departed that morning, she was torn between relief and sadness that Buck hadn't made any effort to see her before she left. Of course, the way things ended last night, maybe these two weeks apart would be good for both of them. She was sure once he calmed down he would understand her position.

"Alright listen up, my name is Captain Sobel and I'll be in charge of your jump training, women to the left and men to the right. You have exactly twenty minutes to stow your gear and be back outside in formation."

Everyone moved the moment he stopped speaking, the other four nurses with her quickly dropped their bags on a bunk and grabbed only those items they would need for today. Sighing she grabbed her helmet and headed back out to the formation thinking that this whole thing reminded her of her nurses training.

When they were in formation, Captain Sobel paced back and forth in front of them extolling his virtues and what he expected of them. She tuned out most of what he was saying as she watched him. Honestly, she'd never seen a black stork before, but Herbert Sobel was an accurate depiction.

"McCoy are you listening to me?"

Kris raised her eyes, "yes sir, I'm completely focused on what you say." Her expression was the picture of innocence, which much to her relief Sobel bought.

As he moved on down the line, she began to wonder exactly what she'd gotten herself into.

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By the time the first week of training had ended, she felt every muscle in her body screaming in pain. Sobel had driven them hard and the condensed version of jump training she was convinced was harder than the original. Dragging herself slowly back to the barracks all she was thinking about was her butt, on that cot.

"McCoy, a moment of your time please."

She cringed at Sobel's voice. She'd been so damn close to sitting down. Instead, she halted her forward progress and turned taking ten steps back the way she'd just came. "Yes, sir what can I do for you?"

Sobel didn't speak letting his eyes roam over the woman in front of him. Her deep auburn hair seemed to glow in the dark and the few curls that escaped her bun swung playfully around her neck. Her deep blue eyes reminded him of the ocean and right now, he'd give anything to lose himself in that ocean. Reaching out he tucked a curl behind her ear before he could think about the appropriateness of his actions.

"Well you see McCoy, I mean Kris, next week will allow all of you liberties at night, seeing at here will only be one jump per day and I was wondering if…would you accompany me to dinner one night?"

Internally Kris groaned. For the first seventeen years of her life she'd not had one man even look her way, now she had three vying for her attention. Smiling she laid a soft hand on his arm, "well thank you so much for the invitation, but I'm seeing someone and I don't think it would be fair to either him or you."

She watched his face fall in disappointment and then brighten again as an idea struck, "well maybe he doesn't have to know. I mean how serious is this?"

"Well I think things between us are very serious. I mean Buck isn't…"

"Wait a minute; this Buck person is he a paratrooper?"

"Yes he is, in fact he is in Easy Company, do you know him?"

His face tightened into a grimace, "yes, yes I know the company, and I know can see that I was wrong about you. You apparently aren't very picky about who you keep company with. I'll expect you to be out here first thing in the morning. I think I'll use you as an example." Spinning on his heel he left her standing there wondering what it was she'd said.

"Well I see you pissed off Sobel. Not that it's hard to do."

Glancing over at one of the doctors who was going through training with her she shrugged, "what did I do other than politely turn him down?"

The doctor laughed, "your really don't know do you? Oh well, see he was the commander of Easy Company until about a month ago, that's when all the NCOs decided to write a letter to Sink saying they would take off their stripes before they went into combat with him."

"Well that explains his hard feelings but what does that have to do with me? I still don't understand."

"Actually it has nothing to do with you, but he's going to take out his anger at them on you, just because he can."

Sighing she rubbed her neck, "damn if I'd have known any of that I'd have gone out with him."

The doctor put his arm around her and began to lead her back to the barracks, "well cheer up, only five more days and we'll be out of here. How bad could it get?"

Lifting her eyebrow Kris remained silent. She could imagine it getting bad; she only hoped she had an overactive imagination.

****

_London-2009_

When Kris paused to take a drink of water, Sam leaned forward. "Come on Nana you're not stopping there are you?"

"Hmm, what if I just roll it all together and say it was pretty bad. In fact, he made those last five days a living hell. He derived great pleasure from tripping me, sending me out the door first, any little thing he could do he did. The doctor had been wrong, those five days seemed to last a life time."

Adie who'd been taking notes interjected with her own question, "well what happened to him after the jump training was finished?"

"You know I'm not really sure, I think I heard something about him coming back to the regimental staff, but I can't say. I was so deep in my own concerns by that point I really didn't have time for him."

Adie made a couple of more notes and then checked the clock. "Well it's been a long day, how about be break off here and we can start again tomorrow?"

Kris nodded and stood to stretch. "That sounds fine to me and I do my best story telling when I'm fresh." When the mike was removed, she bid Adie a good night and headed for the door. Sam walking quietly beside her, Kris was positive the questions would come once they were in the car.

When they pulled away from the curb and Sam still didn't speak Kris gave it a few minutes and then asked a question herself. "So you aren't going to grill me over this?"

Sam shrugged, "I don't know what to ask, I mean I've learned so much about you and well about you and Poppy, I just don't know where to begin. I still find it hard to believe that a man you'd dated and knew what your father was like would have done what he did."

"Sam, don't hold it against Buck, I never did. I told you, we were young and well thought we controlled the world. He apologized for it and that's all that matters."

She frowned, "when did he apologize?"

Kris gave her a small smile, "that my baby girl is another story for another day. Now I believe you need to get back and get changed. You wouldn't want to keep the young man waiting now would you?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_London-2009_

Sam sat tapping her nails on the bar. Jay wasn't exactly late, but he wasn't on time according to her schedule. But then again, Nana had always said she was too hard on people. Sighing she took another sip of wine and tried to relax. Today had been interesting in deed and she could only imagine what other surprises Nana had in store for her.

When Bill, Babe and Buck walked by they gave her a wave and Buck broke off to come talk to her. "So I see my grandson has you waiting? Well try not to be too hard on the boy, I did my best."

She gave a laugh, "no he's not really late, I'm just uber early for everything. So uh, well how have you been? 

Buck smirked and nodded his head, "she told you didn't she? Well it was bound to come out sometime what an ass I was. Unfortunately it wouldn't be my last mistake." Before she could ask him what he meant he looked over her shoulder and smiled, "well would you look at that."

Turning she saw Jay and Nana walk in together Nana going to join Babe and Bill and Jay heading toward her. Beside her, Buck coughed, "well I think I'll be going, you two have fun, don't do anything I wouldn't have."

Jay shook his head as his grandfather left, "he wasn't telling embarrassing stories about me was he? He's been known to do that."

Laughing, "no, not at all, but now that I know he has some I'll have to ask. We were talking about my grandmother and him."

Jay nodded, "ah, well I think that maybe we should stay away from that conversation until you know everything." He held up his hand when she started to speak, "if the question about to come out of your mouth that isn't where are we eating, I refuse to answer."

Shaking her head, "okay we'll do it your way, for now. Where are they headed too?" She nodded her head to the crew as they headed out of the hotel laughing.

"Oh they said something about going out to Aldbourne tonight. Seems the pub they all spent a lot of time in is still there, and run by the great-grandson of the owner who was there during the war. I'm pretty sure we shouldn't wait up."

"Oh okay, Nana didn't mention it." She watched them leave feeling the tension creep up her spine. Nana hadn't looked good today and she wondered if she was sleeping at all.

"Hey, everything okay? You look concerned, I'm sure it's fine."

Sam watched the limo pull away from the curb and turned to smile at Jay. "You're right I'm sure it will be fine. So now where are you taking me for diner?"

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_Aldbourne-1944_

"Oh my word, you look terrible. Did you go to jump training or a boxing match? What happened to your eye?"

Kris held up her hand to stop the barrage of questions from Millie. "Okay one think at a time. I need to sit down first, bring me a drink second and then I'll answer everything you wanted to know." As she dropped on the small sofa, she sighed and dropped her head back. "So how about you tell me what I missed while I was gone."

Millie put the drink in her hand and then sat on the chair across from her. "Well let's see, that young man of yours has moped around here for the last two weeks, asking me almost daily when you are coming back, but other than that, business as usual. I'm sure you've heard that everyone is guessing the big push is coming soon?" 

"Yeah I'd heard, in fact we are leaving in two days to go out to Uppottery. God I'm going to miss my bed. So how have you been?"

Millie snorted, "oh no you don't, stop changing the subject and tell me why you look like a walking grape?"

Kris laughed, "oh please don't make me laugh, I feel like I'm a grape that was stomped on. Let's just say I managed to piss off another man in a very short span of time, and this one, extracted his revenge in new and painful ways."

Millie wince, "well ouch. That's too bad sweetie, oh wait, there was something I meant to tell you. You know that very handsome and very intense man who would come around the hospital?" At Kris's nodded she continued, "well it seems he took pity of some widow and married her, just last Friday in fact."

Kris was sure that Millie kept talking but she couldn't get past the fact that Ron had just gotten married. Part of her was suddenly relieved that the temptation was removed from her but at the same time she felt saddened.

"Well I guess that solves one problem doesn't it?"

Millie came and sat next to her and pushed the hair back off her forehead, "I don't think so sweetie, there is still something about him isn't there?"

Kris rolled her head to the side so she could meet Millie's eyes. "Yes, God help me but there is. I shouldn't still want him I should stay the hell away from him. What am I doing?"

Millie smiled, "sweetie, the heart wants what the heart wants, even if it makes no sense."

Kris pushed back to her feet moaning as she did. "You don't understand, I should be happy with Buck, he's smart, handsome and everything a woman could want. Now I'm standing here upset over a man who is very much married and I still want him."

"Kris, calm down, you might never see him again, that's a thought and you know maybe he really did marry her just to be nice. Maybe there is nothing between them?"

She stopped and rolled her eyes at Millie, "really, nothing between them, so you're telling me not to rule out having an affair with a married man just to quiet my lust? How do I even know he feels the same?"

Millie sighed, "now who is kidding who? That man is so hot for you he can't see straight. I'm telling you, he's married her only for a good turn, it's you he wants."

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_London-2009_

"What the hell are you talking about Nana? You mean to sit there and calmly tell me that Poppy married someone else and you were contemplating an affair with him?"

Kris held up her hand, "now Sam I know it sounds bad right now but you need…"

"I don't need to do anything. I can't believe you and here I thought you were the better person and in the end you were the one who stole Poppy away from his first wife. Hell how do we know that things might have been better had you not done it."

Kris remained silent as her granddaughter stormed out of the room and slammed the door. "So much like her grandfather it's scary. Except she yells, he never did, just became cold and withdrawn." Dropping her head, she began to pick lint off her pants. "I guess you think I'm a terrible person don't you?"

Raising her head, she met Adie's eyes that held sympathy instead of condemnation. "No Kris, I don't think that at all, I do think there is more to this story than you just stealing him away. You know, you're so right about what the heart wants. I found myself in a similar situation a few years ago; unfortunately didn't work out as well as yours but I do think that Sam needs to calm down. Why don't you continue your story?"

"You're right and I know that you are, but if she stopped for a moment she'd realize no one could make Ron go where he didn't want to. Well I guess I should continue."

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_Uppottery-1944_

Kris passed another box of bandages to Roe and they began to assemble another group of medic bags. They'd worked for the last two days, stuffing as much as they could into these bags before the jump. As the afternoon passed and the hour grew late, they were slowly coming to the end of their task. "Ok Gene, I think that'll do it. Why don't we treat ourselves to an early night?"

"Fine by me, maybe I can get to sleep before the rest of them come in. Guranere snores and if I'm not asleep before him I can give it up. So do you know who you're jumping with?"

Picking up the remaining items and putting them away she gave a shrug, "no not yet, they told me that by tomorrow they would tell me something."

Gene nudged her arm, "you talk to Lieutenant Compton yet?"

Heaving a sigh, she dropped her hip against the table, "am I missing something here or is everyone that concerned over my love life?"

Roe gave a chuckle, "nope we just been watching the Lieutenant looking all down and that started about the time you left for jump school."

"Alright, I'll talk to him, you wouldn't happen to know where he is would you?"

His smile gave her the answer, "well as a matter of fact I do. He'll be here in a few minutes, just give him a chance okay?"

"Look I'll try Gene, but well… I'll try and let's leave it at that."

She watched him leave and sat in a chair to wait. She had to give it to Buck, he's men's loyalty was something else. She hadn't been waiting long when a knock came at the door. "Yeah come on in." 

Buck stepped inside; his clothes still dirty from whatever he'd been doing today. "Thanks for meeting me; I know you probably didn't really want to."

"Buck it's not that I didn't want to, it's just I'm not so sure about us anymore."

He stepped closer to her, he wanted to reach out and hold her but if the way she was standing, her arms crossed over her chest, was any indication, she didn't want him touching her. "I'm still sure about us. I know I was a jerk and that I shouldn't have acted that way with you, but the thought of you getting hurt or even being in any kind of danger just drives a stake through my heart."

"I know that, but this is my job and you should respect my job like I respect yours and I just don't think you do. I think you're a wonderful person and maybe after some time we can see how this goes, but right now," she held out her hands and took his, "this isn't working for me."

Buck looked down at their joined hands and sighed, "is there someone else?"

She felt her heart lodge in her throat. That was the question she kept asking herself, so when she met his eyes, she was as honest with him as she was with herself. "There could be, but right now I don't know for sure."

He nodded and lifted her hand to kiss the back of it. "You know if Speirs hadn't gotten married, I'd have sworn it was him. The way the two of you were dancing together, I don't know, I guess I was a little jealous."

"Yeah someone told me he had gotten married; I didn't even know he was seeing someone."

He released her hands and ran a hand through his hair, "well that's the funny thing, he wasn't. Apparently, the widow he married was married to a friend of his and I'm pretty sure he married her just so she would be taken care of. Pretty noble coming from a guy who's heart is cold as ice."

Kris nodded but didn't say anything. She could say many things about Ron, but she'd seen the look in his eyes on the dance floor, the man was anything but cold. Brushing her hands across her uniform, she gave him a smile, "can we at least stay friends until we figure out what's going on between us?"

Buck pulled her into his chest and hugged her. He felt her body relax against him and it gave him hope. "Sure we can, you'll always be my friend and no matter what, I'll always love you."

Kris let her head lay on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. Here was a man declaring his love for her, steady, strong and faithful. Yet her mind was already wondering to where and what Ron was doing.

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_London-2009_

When she returned to the hotel, Buck was sitting in the lobby waiting on her. When he saw her he gave a smile. "Hey, I thought I would wait for you here and we could talk."

Kris sighed and sat beside him closing her eyes, "let me guess, Sam showed back up her in the famous Speirs rage."

Buck chuckled, "oh it would have done Ron proud and I took the brunt of it, why I'm not sure but I did, then she headed to the bar to take out her frustration on a bottle of Scotch."

Kris lifted her head and gave him a concerned look, "she's okay isn't she."

"Relax, she's fine, I sent Jay onto the battlefield and well after she'd mostly finished the bottle he helped her upstairs. In fact when he left he said she was in her bed snoring softly."

"Well thank goodness for small favors. I should be the one driven to drink around her." Pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear, she glanced over at Buck. "Well you can figure out what she heard today, she never bothered to stay for the rest."

"Ah baby I'm sorry. I know she practically demanded to know why I'd just let you go chasing after a married man and how I'd allowed the affair to go on. I know she's hurt you."

Kris laid her head on Buck's shoulder and just let someone hold her. She was torn with emotion, part of her wanted to run upstairs and just explain everything to Sam, the other part wanted to keep it all hidden away. "Buck, I don't know what to do, she wouldn't believe me if I told her you had nothing to do with any of it and if she'd just step back and remember Ron, she'd realize he did exactly what he wanted."

"She'll come around, you'll see. Now let's get you something to eat and don't even start with that crap about not being hungry. You're going to go into the dining room with me and sit down and eat. Tomorrow is another day, let this one go."

Smiling she let him lead her into the dining room. He was right, tomorrow would be another day and in fact, tomorrow the war would start.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_Uppottery-1944_

She walked along with Roe moving between aircraft and handing out airsickness pills. They were almost finished and then she'd go back and get into her harness. The adrenaline was fueling everyone and the exhaustion she'd been feeling a few hours ago had suddenly disappeared.

Once the jump from yesterday was called off everyone almost expected this one not to go as well, but the weather had turned out to be very nice and now, they were moments away from loading up and jumping into history. When she walked up to Buck's chalk, she handed out the pills and stopped in front of him. "Please be careful, I'd hate to see anything bad happen to you."

He lifted her chin with his gloved finger. "You be careful, remember I've been training two years for this, you only got two weeks." Leaning in he kissed her forehead and pushed her off to the next chalk.

She smiled over her shoulder at him and headed to the last chalk. As she began to hand out the pills, the hair on her neck stood on end. Someone was staring but this time all she had to do was look up to see who it was. She looked away from the intensity in his eyes and glanced down at his hands, to see them encased in gloves. Frowning she looked back up at this eyes and saw the smirk on his face.

Acting much braver than she felt, she stood close to him as she handed him the pills. "Good luck Lieutenant, I hope you have a successful jump."

"You've avoided me since that night in the bar, why?"

She gave a shaky laugh, "do you really think this is the time to have this discussion?"

Leaning in closer to her, he could smell the soft scent of the shampoo she'd used that morning, "you're right, we'll have it later. Oh by the way, I don't wear one; it's not what you think."

She gasped and her eyes snapped up to meet his. He knew exactly what she was looking for. Her lips parted to speak only to have him shake his head. "You need to head on nurse; I believe you still need to put your harness on." Then his voice came low and seductive in her ear, "maybe later I can kiss any bruises you might have."

This time her squeak was loud enough to have the men looking over at the two of them and the look on her face must have been shock because all the men glared at Speirs.

As she began to back away from him, he smiled seductively. "I'll be seeing you Kris, you still owe me."

Turning her back on him, she had to control herself from breaking out in a run. Holy cow any doubt she'd had that he wanted her was quickly erased in the one brief moment.

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The air inside the aircraft went from stifling to freezing depending on which person beside her moved. Closing her eyes, she tried to control the fear that was coursing through her. All she had to do was think about something else, and the best thing she could think about at that moment was Ron.

Her lips lifted into a smile that she couldn't help, just remembering the smell of him, the soap he'd used mixing with the leather from his gloves and harness. There was something purely male about him. She wanted to purr like a cat and rub herself against him. Shaking her head she couldn't believe how she was acting, the funny thing was he'd known exactly what she was looking for when she looked at his hands.

He'd told her he didn't wear one and that nothing was what it seemed. What had he meant by that? Part of her had been relieved to see the gloves, she wasn't sure her heart could have taken seeing the ring on his finger.

The interior of the plane glowing amber suddenly brought her out of her thoughts and back to the present. They barely had time to do equipment check before the light was green and the surge for the door began.

When the cold breeze hit her face, her eyes began to water and around her planes were passing dropping more troopers or in some cases crashing to the ground. Sporadic machine gun fire dotted the countryside and for a brief moment she was afraid she'd never hit the ground. Then when she looked down between her feet, she suddenly realized that death from a bullet might have been preferable to death by drowning that seemed imminent. Below her surrounded by trees was a bog or pond, it was too dark to see clearly but she was headed straight for it.

As she fell through the surrounding trees, their branches ripped at her like a cat playing with a mouse. Her helmet was ripped away as they tangled in her hair, ripping it out by the roots. Merciless wooden claws slashed at her face and clothes drawing blood and dropping her in jerks toward the waiting pool.

With one last ripping slash to her face she dropped the last ten feet into the water feeling the freezing blackness cover her head and soak her parachute, pulling in down into the depths. With her gear pulling her down she fought to reach the shore, pulling her own sodden weight as well at the still attached chute behind her. Struggling for what seemed to be hours, but in reality only moments, she felt her hand grasp the muddy bank.

Pushing her feet into the mud, she forced most of her body from the water and collapsed on the bank. Her breathe was steaming fog around her and her heart was beating erratically. Terrified didn't come close to describing the terror ripping through her. Right now the Germans could have her, she was more afraid of drowning than them.

Closing her eyes, she tried to slow her heart rate and think about her next move. Wherever she was, it definitely wasn't the landing zone. As she lay there slowly, warmth began to creep into her extremities and sleep invaded her body. Every limb felt like it weighed a ton, in fact she couldn't even lift her hand to release her chute. Rest, if she just laid her and rested for a moment, she could go on. The last thought she had was that sudden feelings of warmth was the first sign of hyperthermia.

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_London-2009_

Adie sat listening to Kris holding her breath. She couldn't even begin to imagine what it must have felt like to drop into water in the darkness. "I think I totally would have freaked out when that happened."

"Oh trust me, I was freaked out, but I knew I didn't want to die, not like that any way."

Adie leaned back in the chair and briefly looked over her notes. She saw that she'd stopped writing the same time that Kris started to talk about her jump. "Uh, so you said you saw Ron before the jump?"

She was amazed at the smile that crossed Kris's face at the question. "Oh yeah, I saw him and well, it was everything I'd feared and hoped for all at the same time. Let me ask you something, have you ever seen or met a man that just oozed sensuality from every pour, a man so primal that you would walk through glass if that's what it took to be with him?"

Adie swallowed hard, "uh, no but I'd love to meet him."

Kris's smile never wavered, "see, that's what Ron was like for me. I was young and inexperienced with men, but I knew whatever it was I was missing, I wanted him to teach me." She gave a chuckle, "not bad for a virgin huh?"

Adie choked on the water she'd been drinking, "you were still a virgin?"

"Well of course my dear, remember this was 1944, woman just didn't hop into bed with men."

"Well if you'll excuse me for saying so Kris, I've seen pictures of Buck when he was younger and well I'm not sure how you managed that."

Kris laughed, "dear, it wasn't from lack of him trying I can tell you that, but for everything I had with him, no one ever made me feel the kind of passion Ron did." Kris fanned herself and laughed again, "oh my, I think I need another glass of water, I'd forgotten that meeting. Makes an old woman wish she was young again."

Adie handed her another glass of water and smiled, "yes well it makes a young woman wish they'd cloned him."

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_France-1944_

The feeling of warmth continued, her sleep broken by the sound of chirping birds. Forcing her eyes open, she felt the warmth of the sun against one cheek and on her back. Moving slowly she forced herself up onto her elbows and knees. Reaching beneath her she brushed aside the mud and released the harness pushing it off to be drug down into the murky depths of the pond.

Staying on her hands and knees, she slowly crawled up the bank until she reached the grassy field surrounding the pond. Dropping on the her back she laid in the sweet smelling grass, letting the sun dry her uniform as best a it could. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on the sounds around her, hearing only birds and small animals scurrying through the grass. The machine gun fire, what little there was, seemed far away.

As she lay letting the sun warm her, she took stock of her injuries. Nothing was broken by some miracle, but the multiple scratches and bruises caused her body to throb in mass every time her heart beat. She had to get moving, as comfortable as it was laying here; she needed to try to find her unit.

Pushing to her feet, she stood a moment swaying in a non-existent breeze. The wave of dizziness passed and she quickly compared the sun to the trees and the placement in the sky. Not exact science, but with the clouds rolling in from the west she needed to get moving before it began to rain. Putting one foot in front of the other she began the slow walk to find anyone from the 101st.

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"Are you sure no one has seen or heard from her Doc?"

The dark hair man shook his head, "no sir, I've checked with all the medical folks and no one has seen her yet. In fact they've only found a couple of people from her plane."

Buck rubbed a hand through his hair. He had to go join Dick for this gun thing but he wanted to stay and wait for news of Kris. "Alright Doc, I've got to go, but if you hear anything, you find me and let me know."

He didn't wait for an answer but ran to join Bill and the others. Bill glanced over at him as he jogged up. "Still nothing yet?"

"Not a damn thing, I told her this was too dangerous. She just wouldn't listen and now no one knows where she is or if she even survived. Damn it, I might kill her when I see her."

Bill laughed, "oh yeah now that makes sense."

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When she saw the first soldier in the road, she almost cried with relief. The clouds had moved in and the soft drizzle had soaked her to the bone. Trying to suppress a shiver she stopped long enough to ask where everyone else was and was told to keep walking, she'd find them soon enough.

As she topped the small rise, she saw soldiers of every unit milling about trying to regroup and find more of their own. Giving a weary sigh, she limped toward what appeared to be an aid station.

"Kris, oh my, Spina get over here and help me."

She felt the arms wrap around her shoulders and winced in pain. "I'm fine it's okay, I j-j-just n-n-need to-to c-c-change my clothes." The stuttering was so bad she wasn't sure she'd understood what she'd said. But with Roe and Spina supporting her they managed to lower her onto a crate under a small overhang.

"Okay Kris, watch my finger."

She watched Roe's finger move slowly across her field of vision and shook her head. "Gene, it's fine. I'm just cold, bruised and scratched. Everything's going to be fine. Just let me rest for a minute."

Roe stood and glance at Spina, "go find Lieutenant Compton; he'll want to see her."

Kris's nose wrinkled in aggravation. She loved Buck, but the last thing she wanted was for him to see her like this. "Ah Gene, couldn't this wait till you at least got some of the mud off me?"

Kneeling in front of her he laughed, "nope, I'm not going to be the one he kills for not telling him. Besides, it'll take a few minutes to find him. Now let me clean these scratches."

Doc was just finishing with the scratches to her face when Buck burst in the room. "What the hell happened to you? I knew it, didn't I tell you you'd get hurt, but you just couldn't listen to me could you. You just had to act the stupid female and go your own way."

She knew he was still pacing and on a tirade, but she stopped listening the minute he'd called her a stupid female. Damn him, all she'd wanted from him was a hug and reassurance that she was really okay, instead he might as well have been knocking her over the head to drag her off like some caveman.

Waving a hand at Roe for him to leave her, she slowly and painfully got to her feet. She was aware that several soldiers near them had stopped what they were doing to watch them fight. She realized he wasn't going to pay any attention to her, so she stepped directly in front of him her finger digging into his chest.

"Now you listen to me Buck Compton and I mean don't you say one fucking word. I am not some china doll to be put up on a shelf and admired. I've worked damn hard to get where I am and I don't need you or any other stupid brained man telling me what to do. Now you will turn and walk away from me and maybe when you've calmed down and can act like an adult we can have a normal conversation." Inside she was congratulating herself on how calm she sounded and that she never raised her voice.

Buck crossed his arms and glared down at her, "are you finished?" At her nod he continued, "you know I guess you aren't the woman for me, too bad Speirs married, the two of you I'm beginning to think would have made the perfect pair, cold hearted and soulless."

When he pushed past her she turned to watch him go. She wasn't cold hearted or soulless, how could he think that just because she wanted to be herself. Trying to push back the tears that had gathered in her eyes she glanced across the compound to see who else had witnessed her humiliation, only to see Ron watching.

His eyes glittered dangerously as he looked from her to Compton and back at her. Without a word he lifted his hand and brushed it against his cheek, a silent question to her as to what had happened.

Without really acknowledging his question, she moved back under the overhang and kept her back to the courtyard. When she heard boots beside her she hastily wiped her face.

The softly accented voice of Gene Roe caressed her frayed nerves. "Come on Kris, I found a uniform I think it'll fit. I also found a small room for you to change in. Let's get you out of those wet clothes and check the rest of those cuts."

Nodding her head she meekly followed Roe across the courtyard never raising her eyes. She'd had all the humiliation she could take for one day.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_London-2009_

"Oh Kris, I can't believe he would do something like that? I mean everything I'd ever heard about Buck was that he was even tempered and such a gentleman."

Kris smiled sadly, "he was, nothing he did that day made him any less in my eyes, it just reminded me that we are different people and well, we just weren't meant to be that way."

Adie nodded and reread her notes quickly. "Okay so you said you were bruised and scratched up, was that the worst of your injuries?"

"Thankfully yes, I looked like I had gone several rounds with some wild animal and up until the early fifties if I didn't wear make-up you could still see the scars on my face. It used to make me feel self-conscious about my looks." She paused staring out the window her hand came up and brushed her right cheek, a minute passed before she finished the sentence, "Ron always said I was beautiful no matter what and since he knew where the scares came from, that made them even more special."

Adie smiled, "he really was a special man wasn't he?"

Kris felt her eyes tear up and her throat closed with unshed tears. Nodding her head she couldn't speak. She was just now realizing how hard it was to talk about him. A cool hand covering hers attracted her attention back to the present.

"Kris, it's okay, I know it has to be hard to talk about him, how about we pick up where we left off?"

Kris swallowed hard and coughed, "yes well I believe that once again Gene was picking up the pieces. He was always so good at that."

****

_France-1944_

"Okay so I know it ain't much but at least you can get changed here. My uniform might be a little big but it's dryer than what you're wearing."

Before she could think about it, she wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you Gene, this means a lot to me."

His face flushed but he nodded and headed quickly back out the door. Looking around she saw she was standing in had once been a feed locker for the animals, but right now, it would do just fine.

Reaching up she pulled her hair down letting it fall down her back in waves, trying to run her fingers through the knots to untangle them finally giving up with a heavy sigh. Reaching down she untied the boots and pulled them off dropping her pants, her shirt followed quickly behind it. Turning to the left and right she saw the long marks on her body, lifting her shirt she saw the bruises running along her ribs on both sides.

While all the injuries looked terrible, she knew exactly how fortunate she'd been. She'd passed several paratroopers hanging from trees on her way here, their necks broken from hitting the limbs. Shaking her head she tried to forget those images, knowing it would be a long time before she forgot the sightless staring eyes.

He really hadn't meant to follow them, but looking at her across the courtyard had him very worried. The long scratches on her face had looked deep and angry. Her uniform was covered in mud and soaking wet. Moving silently down the narrow hallway he found the wooden door closed as tightly as it could go, which wasn't that tight. The crack between the door and the wall left a nice gap that he could look through.

She was standing with her back to him, her hair falling in auburn waves down her back. It was begging him to gather it in his hands and caress it. He watched in silence as her t-shirt lifted over her head and dropped to the floor with her other dirty clothing. He clenched his hands tight as she turned to the side and he glimpsed the curve of her breast, her nipple hard in the cool air.

His desire died as quickly as it'd risen as he saw the bruises and scratches marring her creamy skin. He knew what had caused it, a tree landing. She was lucky she wasn't dead; there had been several paratroopers killed last night, just because they had encountered trees while landing. Lord knows how many he'd passed on his way here. As he watched, she pulled the clean t-shirt over her head, covering the creamy expanse of her back. He couldn't wait to get her alone and kiss his way down her spine.

Pushing the door open, he stepped inside and pushed the door closed behind him. The dragging of wood across the stone floor had her spinning to face him. "You look terrible Kris, has Roe cleaned those scratches?" He gave a quick look around the small room, his smirk growing, "not to mention the fact, that I've never seen a feed room being used as a ladies changing room."

"What the hell are you doing here; you're not supposed to be here."

He loved the flush that covered of her face, the temptation to touch her was too much and he stepped closer to brush softly across the scratches. He was shocked when he saw her arm come up to hit him. Grasping her wrist loosely yet firmly enough to avoid the hit, he smirked at her. "You still haven't apologized for the last one, so why would I let you slap me again?"

Her breath was coming in soft pants and her eyes went to his full lips as he spoke. She watched the smirk leave his lips and he slowly pulled her closer to him. Gladly she stepped closer, the desire to feel those lips on hers driving all other thoughts from her mind, she felt her eyes begin to slip closed as he got closer to her. The heat from his body was pulling her into his web, his name escaping her lips in a soft whisper.

"Kris, you changed yet, Lieutenant Winter is calling for us to move out."

At the sound of Gene's voice, her eyes popped open, meeting his dark gaze. She knew that passion she was feeling was reflected in his dark eyes as he watched her. Licking her lips, she tried to slow her heartbeat. "I've to go, please let go of my arm so I can dress."

He released her arm without a word; his fingers softly caressed the underside of her wrist as it slipped free. Reaching for her face and gently brushed her uninjured cheek with his fingertips. "Be careful Kris and don't think we're done."

The door opened and he was gone before she could take a deep breath. Reaching for the uniform with shaking hands, she quickly pulled it on and ran out to join Roe. "Okay Doc, let's see what the future holds."

****

_London-2009_

Kris felt the lump in her throat grow to the point that breathing became difficult, and talking was out of the question. The pain in her chest was like a dull knife slicing open old wounds. Lowering her head she concentrated on maintaining control of her emotions, if nothing else, long enough to escape from this room.

"Kris, are you okay?"

Adie's sympathetic voice had her nodding her head. She couldn't look up, not yet any way. Clearing her throat, she tested her voice. "Yes, dear, I'm just tired and I think this is enough for today. Could we start fresh tomorrow?"

"Of course, we'll start tomorrow, no worries." Adie reached and removed the mike, still puzzled by the fact Kris hadn't look up. In fact, when she just suddenly stopped and dropped her head, she thought something was wrong with the older woman.

As Kris stood to leave Adie's soft hand on her arm stopped her, "can I ask you just one more question before you go? How long has he been gone?"

Kris swallowed hard and forced the words past her throat. "Two years this spring. I…I really need to leave I'll see you tomorrow." Not waiting to see if the other woman replied, she moved as quickly as she could seeking the refuge of the waiting car.

xxxxxxxx

Sam sat in the bar drinking water and eating dry toast. Her head pounded like a bass drum and the fact that she was finally keeping something in her stomach was a relief. This was what she got for losing her temper yesterday, now that she was calmer, she realized that running away and getting drunk has solved nothing but push another wedge between her and Nana.

"Well there she is granddad and I must admit she's looking somewhat better than she was last night."

Sam groaned and looked up to see Jay and Buck smiling. "Wonderful, I suppose the two of you are here to mock my pain."

Buck sat beside her, "No, trust me we've both been where you are right now; we just wanted to check and see how you're feeling. So…how are you feeling?"

Sam's cheeks turned red at the question and her eyes dropped to a very interesting spot on the table. "Terrible. I think I really hurt Nana when I stormed out yesterday and well, maybe I should have let her explain, I was just so upset and confused to think of Nana as a home wrecker."

Buck nodded and put his arm around her. "I know and if you had have stayed you'd have know that Ron only married the widow so she and her child would have money and not be kicked out of their home. He didn't love her any more than she loved him. He wanted Kris, plain and simple and he wasn't going to let anything stop him." He gave a philosophical shrug, "and he really didn't let anything stop him, which proves in some ways he was smarter than me."

Sam plucked at the crumbs on the tablecloth and chewed her lower lip in thought. There had to be some way to make this up to Nana. "Okay Buck, then I need some advice, how to I get back in Nana's good graces?"

Buck chuckled, "I believe you could start just by talking to her and telling her you want to know what happened. That would be a really good start."

"Pop, you might want to leave this for later, Kris just came in and she doesn't look so good."

Buck looked over his shoulder to see Kris standing in the middle of the lobby, her eyes large and glazed. Frowning he excused himself and walked out to meet her. "Kris, honey what's wrong."

Her glassy eyes turned slowly to his, "I'm losing it, I can't do this anymore." Her hand began to pull at the collar of her shirt, "oh God I can't breathe."

Buck heard her breath come in wheezing gasps. Pulling her close to him, he moved quickly to the elevator. "Shh, it's okay now baby, I got you. We're going upstairs and sit down and then you can relax." Buck could feel her whole body trembling against his. He had no idea what had happened but he'd not seen her this upset in years.

Quickly reaching her room, he sat her on the couch and went for a glass of water. By the time, he'd returned she had tears slowly running down her face. Kneeling in front of her, he cupped her face in his hands and brushed the tears away with his thumbs. "Oh please baby, tell me what's wrong, please let me help."

Her eyes seemed to focus on him for a moment before her entire body crumbled. She hands fisted themselves into his shirt and pulled the clothing almost as if she was trying to rip it from his body. When she did speak, the words choked with tears, the anguish and pain coming through with each word. "Buck he left me, how could he leave me. He always told me he'd never leave me and now I'm alone and oh my God I don't know how to go on without him."

Her face pressed into his neck the tears racking her body in heaving sobs. Buck pulled her close and held her trying to fight back his own tears. He'd always known how much Kris had loved Ron, but he never would have imagined how deep her pain went. As the minutes passed her recalled the conversation, he'd had with Sam and how she'd commented on Kris never crying. Well she was crying now, the tears coming so hard Buck didn't see how she could breathe. It was then he knew, she'd never grieved for Ron, she'd simply pushed aside the pain and kept going.

As the sobs slowly died away, he continued to hold her and stroke her hair until she pushed herself away from him and hastily wiped at her eyes. "I'm sorry Buck; I don't know what came over me, I normally not that emotional." She tried to laugh it away but the smile seemed only have hearted.

He sighed and sat beside her on the couch. Gently he took one of her hands in both of his, his thumb tracing slowly over the back of her hand in what he hoped would be a soothing motion. "I know what happened, you never let yourself miss him. You've been pushing it all away and now you're talking about your past, your past with him and it made you realize that you truly miss him."

This time she did laugh, "when did you get so smart?"

"Oh I don't know, probably somewhere around my seventies. Kris it's okay to cry and it's okay to miss him. If I know you, this is probably the most you've talked about him since he died. But baby, as long as Sam is alive, you have him. Hell, she's a walking talking female version of the man."

Kris's laughter rang out in the room, "oh that is so true. Speaking of my sweet tempered granddaughter, have you seen her today?"

"Hmm, as a matter of fact yes I have. She's sitting downstairs nursing the mother of all hangovers and talking to Jay. By the way, she feels terrible for running out without listening to what happened."

She shrugged and reached for the water, "can't say as I blame her, hell, I didn't want to believe it myself and sometimes, even after all this time sometimes I do feel like I stole him away."

Buck snorted, "you know as well as I do, you couldn't make Ron Speirs do anything he hadn't wanted to do even if you danced naked. Which by the way, I'd have loved to see."

She slapped his arm, "dirty old man. Well let me clean myself up and lets go down to dinner." Pausing she twisted on the couch to face him, leaning forward she gently pressed her lips to his. The kiss was sweet, but even she realized there was no passion. Pulling back she smiled, "thank you so much."

Buck watched her walk into the bathroom and wished again that he'd been a different man sixty-five years ago.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_London-2009_

It was almost an hour later when they finally stepped into the dining room. The minute Sam saw Kris she was out of the chair and moving to her side, "Nana, what's wrong? Your eyes are read and puffy."

Kris smiled, "there's nothing wrong, and sometimes you just need a good cry is all." Brushing past her, she left Sam standing in shock.

Buck chuckled and reached out to push up on Sam's chin. "Close your mouth baby, you're going to catch flies and yes before you asked, she really did cry. All this talk about Ron…well it just overwhelmed her today. But come on let's go eat and talk. It'll be good for the both of you."

Sam stood watching everyone take their seats around the table and begin to chat about the weather and other trivial things. Shaking her head she sat staring at Kris thinking everyone around her had lost their minds.

Kris watched Sam from the corner of her eye. She knew the girl was dying to ask why she'd been crying and if what Buck had told her was true she also would want to talk about Ron and her as well. After a few minutes, Kris tired of the game and broke her granddaughters staring by calling her name. When she was sure, she had her complete attention, she plunged ahead, "why don't we just get everything out in the open and then we can have a nice diner. You either want to ask me about Ron being married or why I was crying. So which is it?"

"Well leave it to you to jump right to the point Nana. First, I would like to know why you were crying. Hell you never cry." Sam couldn't keep the bitterness from her voice. She was hurt and damn it she wanted and explanation.

"Well it's not that I never cried, at the time Ron died, you had lost your parents, you were trying to finish college and frankly I didn't want you worried over me. I was keeping up a strong front so you would think I was okay. Baby, I cried, much more than you ever realize. He was my heart; he was my reason to get up. Then when he was gone, you became that to me, so I didn't want to make you any sadder than you already were by sitting around crying all the time."

Sam ran a hand through her hair in frustration, "damn it Nana, I wanted to be there to support you to share in your pain. But I always felt like you pushed me away. As for the second part, I think I'll start going back to listen to your story. Buck made me see that I was the ass about this and I should have given you a chance to explain."

Kris laughed and patted her hand, "baby, if you had acted any other way, I'd have been shocked. That's one thing you definitely have, the Speirs temper, God knows I loved him, but he could jump to conclusions." She shook her head and smiled at Buck, "conclusions that nearly cost him everything, but that's for another time and place."

Buck held up a hand, "alright ladies, this hen party is over, it's time to eat and be merry."

The rest of the night passed pleasantly with Buck and Kris entertaining Jay and Sam well into the morning. Finally, Kris shook her head, "I've got to go to bed. You young people stay and have fun, try to stay out of trouble though."

Sam smirked and Jay blushed, "don't worry Nana; I wouldn't do anything you would have done."

Kris gave a mock look of shock and horror, "oh dear, then maybe I'd better not leave you two alone. I'm not ready to have great-grandbabies just yet." At the look of shock on both Sam and Jay's faces, she laughed and wrapped her arm up in Buck's. "Just kidding kids, remember early day tomorrow. Sleep well."

Jay watched the older couple leave before he turned to Sam and smiled, "you know I think only part of her was kidding, I really do believe she was quiet the lady in her time."

Sam snorted, "oh she wasn't kidding, she probably would have been down here table dancing knowing her."

Reaching out Jay wrapped a strand of Sam's hair around his finger and gave her a sly smile. "Well I'm not sure about the whole great-grandbaby thing, but I would love a kiss."

Sam didn't reply but put her hand around his neck and pulled his lips to hers. She felt the familiar tingle run down her spine and scrapped her fingernails across his scalp feeling him shiver under her hand. When they broke apart she gave him a smirk, "well I see you are very good at that, maybe tomorrow night we should see what else you're good at."

He coughed and blushed, "you don't kid around do you."

"Jay if I've learned nothing else, I've learned that life is too short to play games. See you in the morning."

He watched her long legged stride as she left the dining room and decided he would enjoy having those legs wrapped around him.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Well Kris I'm so glad you are looking better today, I have to admit I was extremely worried when you left yesterday."

Kris patted Adie's hand, "I'm sorry I worried you, I guess I was a little too caught up in my memories and well, sometimes we all reach that point where we need a break. But I'm back and ready to start again."

Adie pinned the mike to her blouse and sat in the chair across from her giving Sam as small wave as she joined them. "Wonderful, well we can pick up where we left off yesterday; let me see…ah here it is you were moving out with Roe."

Kris nodded, "oh yes, Easy had done some incredible things already and since they seemed to get the job done, we were sent off on another mission. Taking Carentan, which at that time was just as important to us and as the Germans. The town would be the only place all the armor could link up as it came off the beach. Oh but looks could be deceiving, that small town was so quiet that morning…."

****

_France-1944_

"Gene I don't like this, everything is just too quiet. I mean didn't Dick tell us they wanted it as badly as we do and suddenly we show up and it looks like the entire town it asleep." Kris shook her head and stared down the empty road, the only sound coming from a chicken coop that was obviously near the road.

"I know, but look, you stay back here with the headquarters and the chaplain and when we get control you come on in, I'm sure I'll need you."

She grabbed his arm before he could step away. "You be safe Gene, I have no desire to treat you when I get there."

He nodded and headed up the road to join Easy. Sighing she tried to relax and wait, but by this time she'd already found that waiting was the hardest part and when the machine guns fired down on the men of Easy heading up the road, she could only clench her fist in frustration.

Pacing back and forth, she glanced over at the chaplain who also was waiting and finally seemed to make his decision. Glancing at her, he waved her over. "Well young lady, are you brave?"

"Yes sir I am. I'd rather go forward than sit and wait."

Laying his hand upon her head, he gave a short blessing before they both quickly moved down the same road Easy had just disappeared down.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Not that I'm complaining sweetheart, but what the hell are you doing here?" Bill's voice managed to carry across the street to where she was crouched treating a shoulder wound.

Looking over her shoulder, she motioned to a solitary man moving through the street pausing at every soldier he came to, his lips moving in a silent prayer. "I came with him. If a chaplain can't keep you alive I don't know what can."

Bill laughed and yelled for her to keep her head down and moved off. Looking down at the soldier, she was pleased to see him looking better. "Okay trooper, let's get moving." Helping him to his feet, she put his arm over her shoulder and went in search of Gene or any other medic she could find.

When she staggered into the aid station, Spina moved forward to help her with the soldier who'd begun to lean heavily on her. "Thanks, now tell me what you need help with."

Roe pointed over in the corner, "take a look at Lipton, I think he's okay, just needs to be cleaned up and looked at."

Kris put her bag on the floor and smiled down at Lipton, "hey, how you doing Lip?"

"Not too bad, what are you doing here? I thought Roe left you back with the headquarters."

Working to clean the blood off his face she shrugged, "he did, but the chaplain and I decided to be brave and daring, so here I am. Hmm, this doesn't look too bad, but I think you and I might have matching scars." She gestured to her own cheek covered in nasty looking scratches.

He laughed, "yeah well, I don't think I'll look as cute with mine as you do. Yours will cause men to stand in line to kiss them better."

Her eyes lifted to his and she didn't answer. There was only one man she was interested in kissing, and she had a strong feeling if he ever did that would be the worst mistake she could ever make.

Sighing she looked down at his pants and nodded her head toward the bloodstain. "You want me to take care of that or do you want me to get Spina?" 

He face turned beet read and he had to clear his throat, "I'd feel a lot better if it was Spina. Not that you haven't probably seen it before, no wait, not that you've seen me before but…" he dropped his head and heaved a sigh shaking his head. "You understand what I meant right?"

Laughing she gathered her things, "of course I understand Lip, I'll go get Spina." Moving off she traded places with Spina and lost herself in treating the wounded as they slowly came in.

The light was fading when Roe tapped her on the shoulder, "we're moving out again, I would tell you to stay here, but I think I've learned, you won't stay put will ya?"

She grinned like a little kid, "nope, not in the least. I go where my boys go and right now, that's out to the woods for a little hike. Oh come on Gene, stop pouting, you'd miss me, admit it."

Roe grumbled under his breath about woman being too head strong and not doing what they should but shrugged nonetheless, "well let's go then, I guess I'll just have to stay glued to you to keep you out of trouble."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Okay, I've got to get out of this foxhole before I drown." Kris pushed out of the hole and turned to face the two men. "Look just point me in Dick's direction, I'll take a little walk and be right back." She held up her hand to stop the argument she could see coming, "they aren't going to shoot tonight, they are too busy singing, I promise I won't be gone long."

Roe was muttering under his breath in Creole before sighing, "alright head off to your right, but if you aren't back in thirty minutes I'm coming after you."

Waving a hand in his direction, she slowing started walking in the direction he'd indicated. The rain had started hours earlier, and what little time she'd spent dry was quickly forgotten in the downpour. Every time the lighting flashed across the sky, it lit the woods with deeper shadows causing her to jump. Shaking her head she had an argument with herself to get a grip, it was only trees and at the worst, would be an American she ran into in the dark.

She continued to trudge along, her eyes adjusted to the eerie light that seemed to come from nowhere but dimly lit the small path. She was too busy looking down and squeaked when she saw boots on the path in front of her. The strong hand wrapping around her upper arm was all that stopped her from falling flat on her butt. The same hand tugged her off the path and deeper in the woods.

"You make the sexiest noises; makes a man wonder what you would sound like lost in your own pleasure."

She gasped as he pulled her into his chest, his back against the tree. "Oh you are a terrible man, you nearly scared me half to death and what do you mean by grabbing me and pulling me off into the dark?"

"Well it seemed a good idea at the time. You've not stopped insulting me and I think if I didn't have your hands trapped between us, you'd try to hit me for a third time." His fingers had slid up her back and just the tips were caressing her neck in slow circles.

Lifting her chin, she tried to ignore the caressing fingers and concentrate on her irritation at him. "Would you please stop that and just tell me what you want?"

His soft chuckle vibrated her chest causing her to shiver, his breath caressing her ear as he leaned in. "Well, I've been trying to get you alone for some time now and I almost did it earlier today…" he stopped speaking and gently kissed the scratches on her cheek. His lips moving slowly and softly across her face, the bridge of her nose, everywhere but her lips.

He paused in his soft caresses of her face, her head held gently between both his hands, his lips hovering just out of reach of hers. "The question is what do you want?"

She felt his breath caress her lips as his words sent a shot of desire straight through her. She knew she wanted him to kiss her; she would worry about the consequences of that decision later. "I want you to kiss me."

His hands tightened only a fraction and he nudged her head forward, his lips covering hers. He moved with a gentleness and slowness he wasn't even aware he had. Something in the tentativeness of her mouth convinced him that while she'd done her fair share of kissing, she was still inexperienced in many ways. He didn't try and force a deeper kiss, instead he only caressed her lips with his, knowing this wasn't the time to explore her mouth further.

Lifting his head, he brushed across her lips with his thumb, bending to kiss her cheek again. Slowly he took her hand in his and led her back to the path pointing her back in the direction of her foxhole. "Keep your head down tomorrow and Kris, we'll continue this in England."

When he'd given her a nudge she'd moved like a robot down the path till she reached Roe. Sliding in beside them, she couldn't wipe the silly smile from her face, even though she knew Spina and Roe were watching her.

"Okay so want to let us in on the joke? You've been smiling ever since you got back, what gives?"

Kris shook her head, "nothing, no joke, I'm just thinking happy thoughts so I don't dwell on the whole wet and cold thing." Smiling again, she closed her eyes and ran her finger over her lips where they still tingled from his touch.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_France-1944_

"Look Kris, would you please stop wiggling. I've never seen one woman with so much energy. Why don't you go back and talk to Lieutenant Winters, he seemed to put you in a good mood."

Kris stuck her tongue out at Spina and crawled out of the foxhole again. "Fine and maybe I'll just stay with him; I can see when I'm not wanted around here."

Behind her, she heard Roe heave a sigh and mutter in Creole again. Spina had told her he only did that when he was upset with her. Well he could just be upset with her; she had too many things on her mind right now to be concerned about Gene's sensitive feelings.

She had been agitated for the last hour and couldn't sit still. The whole kiss with Ron, while exciting had left her confused and nervous. After all this was a married man and now…she'd just kissed a married man. Sighing she realized she was suddenly standing in front of Dick and he was giving her a strange look.

"What's wrong Kris, you seemed a little distracted? Did something happen?

Kris found that looking into those vibrant blue eyes she felt the need to tell him everything that somehow telling him would make it okay. As quickly as that feeling came she pushed it down. How did you admit you were after a married, man? Somehow, she didn't think Dick would understand about that. Shaking her head, she gave him a smile, "no there's nothing wrong. I guess this whole sitting in the dripping rain and mud is just making me restless. I was actually coming to see how you are?"

Dick's eyes narrowed slightly as he seemed to be examining her for lies. He nodded in understanding, gave her a shrug, and smiled slightly, "okay, well just hang tough and all this will be over tomorrow."

She nodded, "uh well okay I need to go, uh I'll talk to you later Dick, I'm sure that you have stuff to do and well Gene gets worried if I'm gone too long."

When she tried to move past him, he laid a gentle hand on her arm stopping her. "You know Kris; I'm here for you to talk to if you ever need me."

Giving him a silent nod, she quickly moved back into the darkness away from Dick's intense staring eyes.

****

_London-2009_

"Wow Nana, Poppy was a real hottie huh?"

Kris laughed, "well yes he was and he definitely knew how to woo a woman off her feet." Kris smiled and sighed, "well he at least knew how to get to me and after that kiss I just couldn't stop thinking about him."

Adie laughed, "hell I wasn't there and I don't think I'll stop thinking about that kiss. You sure he didn't have any brothers, cousins' maybe, hell any Speirs males left?"

"No dear and even if there were, no one was like him, and he was one of a kind, that's for sure. Now let's see yes I believe I have time for one more tale. I'm going to skip over some details as they were almost the same for every battle, we dug in, they dug in, someone attacked, wounded were treated and we moved on, but this one even sticks in my mind because of the lousy timing."

****

_France-1944_

She sat on the next to Gene watching Harry and Nix argue over something while they both gestured at the house in front of them.

"Wonder what they are arguing about?"

She yawned, "I don't know but if we sit and wait much longer, I'm going to fall asleep. Hey did anyone ever tell you, that you snore?"

Roe snorted, "I don't snore, but Spina does, so it had to be him keeping you awake. Okay here we go."

They rest of the platoon watched as a small group of men, led by Blithe moved off to investigate what appeared to be an empty farmhouse. She watched as they moved slowly forward trying to keep low to the ground as there was no real cover for them. She hadn't realized how tense she was until she felt the pain in her palms and looked down to see she'd dug her nails into them. Releasing her clenched fist she drew and deep breath and released it slowly to try to alleviate some of the tension she was feeling.

When the first shot rang out all of them jumped but somehow no one was surprised. The whole situation had seemed like a bad idea from the start. The call for a medic was barely heard over the gunfire coming from Easy as well as the farmhouse. Both she and Gene were moving as a unit and slid in on either side of Blithe. The wound to the neck was bleeding severely and he had a glazed look to his eyes.

"Doc he's going into shock, not what we need right now. Okay Blithe, come on stay with me, look at me." When the man's eyes focused on her face she smiled, "good boy, okay Doc, let's get him out of here."

She stepped aside and allowed two other to carry him out but was quickly on their heels, only to stop when she heard Dick's voice.

"Yeah well they're pulling us off the line, coast of France and back to England."

"What, they're pulling us off now?" The last from Nixon, the surprise or anger clear in his voice, she was unable to pinpoint the emotion when all she could concentrate on was her own anger.

Stopping in front of the men and glared at the three of them. "You know, only men start these stupid wars. Do you realize had you been just ten minutes fast Dick, you'd have save Blithe?" When none of the answered she continued, "and to think, the two of you," her finger stabbing in the chest of Nixon and Harry, "had the nerve to argue over who to sent to die. Careful boys, or next time one of you are injured I might forget I'm supposed to help you."

Stopping off after the rest of Easy she left three very shocked men standing behind her. She didn't care what they thought of her, she didn't care in the least. She was too angry, waste of human life always made her angry and if they'd just been five minutes faster.

"Hey you shouldn't have been so hard on Lieutenant Winters back there; he really is one of the good guys." Roe's voice had taken on that soft quality he used when on men that were wounded. She knew that he was trying to calm her, but right now she was just too angry.

"You know Gene, I'll think about that later and you're probably right, but don't come after me with your soft spoken Cajun crap. Not in the mood right now."

Gene shrugged good-naturedly. "Alright then, you got plans for England?"

She stopped walking and stared at him as if he might have lost his mind. "Uh I don't know, I've not thought any further than getting back to the coast. Huh, I'll have to give that some thought."

"Yeah, well you should think about a bath first, because you reek."

Hitting his shoulder she smiled, "nice Gene and here I was wondering why you didn't have a lady friend…guess I now know. It's your wonderful sense of charm."

****

_England-1944_

It had taken her a few days once they reached England to calm down enough to go in search of Dick, the only person she truly felt she owed an apology too. Yet standing outside his door, she felt the butterflies twist in her stomach. She hated being wrong yet was proud enough to admit when she was wrong. Knocking on the door, she waited to be invited in.

"Kris what are you doing here? I'd have thought that Buck would have wormed his way back into your good graces by now." He stepped aside and let her into the room smiling at his own joke.

"Oh trust me he has, and well I've kind of agreed to go at least to diner with him, I mean we were both under a lot of stress when we said things we probably shouldn't have." She blew out a heavy breath before continuing, "which brings me to why I'm here now bugging you on your off day. I'm really sorry Dick, it wasn't your fault or anyone else's for that matter Blithe was injured. I overreacted and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. 

He gave her an understanding smile, "it's okay Kris, you didn't have to apologize or explain. I think we were all hit hard with the loss of a soldier that close to being taken off the line and well I guess all of us forget that the medical personnel feel it more than most."

He saw the tension leave her body and the smile grew into a true one, "well you know I feel a lot better and well…I guess you're right that we all deal with death so much that it begins to get to all of us. So with peace restored, I'll leave you in peace and maybe I'll see you around tonight."

As she stared to open the door, Dick's hand covered hers, "if you don't mind me asking…I've heard some rumors that Speirs was maybe paying a little more attention to you than he should, I just wanted you to know that he's married."

"I know he is Dick and he's friendly with me, but that's all. I know how to keep men at a distance. Don't worry about me." Inside she knew she was lying. She knew he was married, that had been the truth, but keeping him at a distance was the last thing she wanted to do. "I'll see you later Dick." Slipping quickly out the door she moved down the hallway and out into the damp English afternoon.

Dick meant well and he was a good man, but there was something so dark and forbidden about Speirs that it drew her like a moth to a flame, even if she knew what happened to moth when the flame touched it. Sighing she headed back to Millie's house. The English nurse had married a couple of months ago while she was in France and had been more than happy to have Kris staying with her again. Frowning she gave serious thought to talking to Millie about Ron, maybe she'd be able to explain what was going on.

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"Hey you're still not mad at me are you?" Buck's breath caressed her neck as he whispered in her ear. She'd have like to have said it caused pleasurable shivers, but it didn't.

"No not mad, just trying to enjoy the night."

He seemed satisfied enough with the answer and lightly stroked her back with his fingers. "Good, I'm really hoping for the chance to make up for what I said, I really didn't mean it, I was just so upset seeing you injured, I guess it brought out the caveman in me."

She laughed, "well there for a moment I had to admit, I thought you were going to throw me over your shoulder and carry me off. I do understand Buck, but you have to understand, it's going to take a while for me to recover from your reaction."

"I know, but the fact you're giving me this chance, lightens my heart." His smile was genuine and she found she was smiling back at him. When his brows lifted in surprise she laid her hand on his. "Buck, what's wrong?"

"Uh nothing, I'm just surprised that he would bring his wife her tonight with this crowd."

Even before she turned, she could feel her gut clench in pain. She knew who it was going to be yet she was compelled to turn as if she'd lost control of her body. Ron had entered with a small petite woman on his arm. She barely reached his shoulder, her light brown hair swept away from her face in a flattering style, her dress only slightly bulging in the front indicating her condition.

The evil jealous monster inside her wanted to call her fat and ugly, but the rational side realized that the woman was not any of those things, she was tiny and cute. She was all the things Kris would never be. Ron was an attentive husband, his hand riding on the small of her back directing her through the crowd to a small table in the corner. Holding the chair out until she was seated.

Turning back to face Buck her smile she knew was sickly, but she tried to force a happier one. "Well it's good they get out together you know. She's been cooped up so why are you surprised?"

Buck shrugged, "I don't know, I just figured if a man had a wife he'd stay home with her not drag her out to some pub. So what do you want to do tonight?"

"You know, I think I'll turn in, I'm not feeling well tonight and you know I've got an early day tomorrow. Could I get a rain check for tonight?" 

"Sure, I'll walk you back."

As they stood to leave the bar, she could feel eyes on her and glance to where Ron and his wife were sitting. He was watching her with dark intense eyes that gave away nothing. She could only wonder at what he was feeling, because right now she was more than a little confused.

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"I told you Millie, go have fun I'll take care of the inventory and repacking of items."

The other woman played with a curl at her neck, "well if you're sure, I feel so bad leaving you with this."

"Don't, I have nothing better to do today and well, need something to take my mind off a few things any way."

That stopped Millie at the door, "is there anything I can help with?"

"Ha, not unless you're a mind reader and can tell me what the hell men are thinking."

Millie laughed gaily, "I can tell you no more what a man things than I can tell you what kind of day tomorrow will be. So I'll see you at home later?"

Kris nodded and waved a hand, "yep I'll be there. See you then."

When she was alone in the quiet supply room, she heaved a sigh and looked at the chaos surrounding her. How they'd managed to screw this up in the few months she'd been done was beyond her.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_England-1944_

She began the slow process of first putting items back into their correct box before she even tried to count them. Smiling she knew there was a secret she'd never tell anyone, including Millie. She loved doing the inventory. It was a quiet solitary job and no one ever came to this part of the hospital for fear they would be recruited into helping.

The noises from the hallway faded into nothing as she began to count and restack boxes from one side of the room to the other as she annotated their numbers on her clipboard. There was no time to think about anything but the count so when the small mouse scurried out from under the box she'd just lifted the scream ripped from her throat before she could stop it. The jump onto the stack of boxes behind her more a reaction, rather than real fear. Her heart was beginning to slow and she was about to laugh at herself when a shadow filled the doorway causing another scream to escape.

The shadow moved quickly into the room and as she realized it was Ron, he moved quickly, spotted the scurrying mouse and stomped on him. She froze on the box as he slowly turned his head to look at her. His eyes had taken on a dark sinister quality that sent a cold shiver down her spine. While she knew he'd never hurt her, she still couldn't understand how or why he'd done something so cold blooded.

"Ron, it was only a mouse and he scared me when he suddenly appeared, why did you do that?"

He noticed she'd not stepped down off the box she was on and turned to step closer to her. "I heard you scream and well I just moved and reacted without thinking. Killing is almost like second nature to me. It's one of the things I'm good at."

She took a deep breath, "okay, but still it was just a mouse."

His smirk said it all, "well you didn't hear your scream and I did. I was convinced I'd rush in here to find a hoard of Germans having their way with you."

She dropped her eyes from his and twisted her uniform skirt in her hand, "yet you still rushed in here without knowing what you were facing? I guess I should thank you then."

His final step brought him to rest in front of her, his head now perfectly level with her breast and she felt her nipples harden under his stare. His eyes slowly lifted from her chest to meet hers, "yes I still came, I'd never let anything hurt you. I'd have kept you safe on D-Day if I could have."

Her spine stiffened and she felt the anger rise, "what the same way Buck wanted to; by keeping me locked away because us little women aren't allowed to have lives."

His lips curved into as smile as his hands came to rest on her hips, his thumbs rubbing her hipbones through her uniform. "No, I'd prefer to have been with you from the time you landed, to make you feel safer."

She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the sensations his thumbs and the look in his eyes was creating within her. Taking a stuttering breath, she opened her eyes and smiled sweetly. "Well thank you for looking out for me, but don't you think you should be home ensuring that your wife is doing okay?" Her voice was the sweetness and innocents mixed. Unfortunately, he knew the game she was playing.

His hands tightened down on her hips and pulled her closer to him, "my wife is none of your concern, and I thought I explained that things weren't as they appeared."

Her hands dropped to his shoulders to try to brace herself so her chest didn't dip any further into his face. "Well you could have fooled me, based off the way you acted last night. Why are you here by the way?"

His eyes darkened and his thumbs resumed the slow seductive rub through her uniform. "I came to see you, because of last night. What do I need to do to prove to you that I want you, hmm, maybe this?" He pulled her closer and his mouth closed over her nipple through her uniform shirt, his teeth grasping her through the material.

She couldn't stop the moan that tore from her lips any more than she could stop her hands from digging into his hair and pulling him closer. Her breath was coming in pants and the desire to something more was rushing through her. "Please Ron; I need something more, please."

His hands slide down from her hips until they reached the edge of her skirt and easily slipped beneath it and ran up her thighs, drawing circles on her skin as his hands climbed higher. His head lifted from her nipple, his eyes dark and intense, "what do you need baby, what do you want, this?"

As he asked the question, his right hand brushed across her damp panties, with just enough pressure to let her know he was there. "Oh god, please, yes more."

His thumb was applying harder pressure to her damp cleft as he left hand came up to massage her breast, lightly pinching the nipple between his finger and thumb. Neither of them heard the footsteps coming down the hall.

"You fucking whore, what the hell is going on here? Buck's angry voice echoed across the small room wrenching a broken sob from her throat as Ron's hands slid away and he stepped in front of her.

"Compton, you better think before you speak again. She's not a whore, she just doesn't prefer you."

Behind him, Ron felt Kris slip from the box and sit on it rocking herself in shame. Clenching his hands, he waited to see what would happen, if one thing were true, it was that she had nothing to be ashamed of.

Buck's face had contorted into a sneer, "really, she's not a whore? Yet here she was with your hand up her dress and the other caressing her breast for anyone to come along and see. I spent months trying to coax her slowly yet you come along and she spread her legs like any common whore."

Kris jumped to her feet and stepped in front of Ron, "I'm not a whore, and did you ever think you just didn't do it for me? No, but you sure as hell thought I should spread myself for you!" She didn't realize she was screaming or that Ron and Buck had moved closer to blows until a quiet calming voice came from the door behind Buck.

"What's going on here?"

Kris almost sobbed in relief as she stepped around Buck and Ron to move to Dick's side. "Nothing, just a little misunderstanding over killing a poor mouse," she waved a hand to the body of the mouse lying in the middle of the floor. "You know how men can be when a female screams." Her laughter sounded brittle to her own ears and she could only hope that Dick accepted her excuse.

Dick looked from Kris's pale face to the two men standing turned toward him but still facing off against one another. He didn't know what to believe but the desperate look on Kris's face had him backing off from asking more questions. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders his eyes lifted to look at the two men.

"Well I can understand a feminine scream bringing out the caveman mentality in any male, but why don't I buy you a cup of tea and let these two big strong men clean up the mess one of them made."

He felt her hand squeeze his and her smile while brittle and forced was still there. "That sounds wonderful. I can come back after they dispose of the remains and finish this later. Thanks for the offer." She took Dick's offered arm, let him lead her out of the room, and tried to forget what had just happened.

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Dick walked along beside her in silence and stayed that way until the waitress sat the tea pot in front of them and walked away. He waited patiently to see if Kris would tell him anything but when she sat there playing with sugar cubes he knew it would be up to him to start the conversation. "So Kris, why don't you tell me what really was going on? I heard Buck and what he said, so why don't you just let me in on the secret? Maybe I can help?"

Kris concentrated on building a sugar cube structure and tried to keep her eyes focused on the table. Shrugging a shoulder, she gave a vague answer, "I told you Dick, a mouse and too much male in a small room."

Reaching across the table he grabbed both of her hands in his, "no, there is more than that, why is your shirt wet?"

Gasping her eyes dropped her top and saw the wet spot in the exact location of her nipple and her eyes jerked up to meet Dicks. Her cheeks heated in embarrassment. "You heard what Buck said didn't you? You think I'm a cheap whore too don't you?"

Dick was shocked she'd think that of him, but pleased that her eyes never wavered and other than the heating of her cheeks she stood proud with her choice. "No I don't actually. But I do want to ask if you if you realize what you're doing. He's a married man and well in case you didn't see last night she's very pregnant."

"Christ Dick don't you think I know that, I don't know what's wrong with me, but he confuses me." She dropped her eyes back to rearranging the sugar cubes. She hadn't lied, she was confused and she had no idea what she should do, but there was something about Ron that wouldn't let her escape his pull. Her attention turned back to the moment at hand when Dick's hand covered hers.

"Kris, I know you're confused and I understand that Buck doesn't want to let you go, even though I'm pretty sure he lost all chance of getting you back after today."

She snorted, "you'd think and I have to admit I'm angry, but I'm angry with myself. I know Ron is married and I know there is no hope between us, but still he draws me, there is something between us I can't explain and I have to admit, I don't have that much experience figuring it out."

His brow lifted and he sipped the tea. "Well are you saying you've not dated much or are you trying to tell me something else?" When her face turned beet red and she looked out the window at the passing troops he had his answer.

"Look Kris, you shouldn't feel pressured by either of them."

"That's not it Dick, I know the difference between right and wrong and I know that whatever I feel for Ron is wrong. Still something would make me walk over broken glass to be with him. Oh my God, maybe Buck's right and I'm nothing but a whore."

Dick's teacup slamming down on the table drew her attention away from the window and back to him. "You're not a whore Kris; you're just a confused woman. I know how it is to want something that you shouldn't but I think maybe the two of you should put some distance between you. Come to diner with me and let me see if I can't take your mind off the both of them."

Drinking her tea, she smiled at Dick and nodded her head. "That'd be great to go to dinner with someone who isn't trying to convince me to go one way or the other. I'll meet you at the pub at six okay? I need to get back and finish the inventory."

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She was laughing at Lew and some stupid story he was telling when the fist slammed down on the table between them. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ron was sweating and out of breath, "look I've tried to find a doctor and can't so you are my last choice, my wife is in labor I need someone who is capable of delivering a baby and well you win. Get up and let's go."

Leaning back in her chair she crossed her arms and glared at him, "why the hell should I care what you need or want? Find someone else; do you really think delivering you child is what I want to do?"

The steel vice that wrapped around her arm and pulled her from the chair left little option and his low hiss sounded in her ear, "how many times do I have to tell you it's not my child, but you can't let her die, not even the most vindictive person would do that."

Wrenching her arm from his grip she growled, "fine lead the way. Lew let Dick know I went to deliver a baby. I'll be back later or see you in the morning."

She let Ron walk ahead of her and she tried to get a grip on her feelings that right now went from anger to worry. Worrying over what could possibly have gone wrong enough to cause him to search for help, and then the anger that here was just another example of him rubbing his wife in her face.

The minute he opened the door to a small but very nice house the scream from the back room had her pushing him aside. Stopping at the bedroom door, she looked over her shoulder, "get hot water, string, scissors, and towels then get your ass in here to help me."

Moving to the bed, she grabbed the wet rag out of the bowl beside the bed and wiped the woman's face. Keeping her voice low and soft, "okay Mrs. Speirs, I'm Lietuenant McCoy, a nurse with the American Army. I'm here to help you. Ron will be here in just a moment, so can you tell me your first name."

The dark haired woman grabbed her free hand and squeezed, "my name is Sarah and I'm so thankful you came. He said he'd find help. Dear lord, I had no idea how painful this would be." She stopped and panted through another contraction. When she was finally able to breathe again she smiled up at Kris, "my first husband John, he…he went missing and Ron is helping me. I'm just so sad but happy do you understand?"

Before she could reply, Ron entered the room carrying everything she'd asked for. "Okay Sarah, I think we're going to be here for a while, the first ones are always problematic, but I'm here and you are going to be just fine."

xxxxxx

She glanced at her watch and stood stretching her back muscles. Mother and son were sleeping quietly and Ron had disappeared with most of the items she'd been using through the night. Tip toeing quietly out of the room she moved toward the door only to stop at the small sound behind her.

"Where you going Kris?"

She sighed and wiped her eyes, "I'm going to head to the hospital and grab some coffee then start my shift," glancing at her watch again, "in exactly two hours. Where else would I be going?"

He crossed the room and cupped her face in his hand, "why don't you sleep here for a few hours, I'll make sure you get to work in time."

Jumping back from him she hit the door, "no, I can't I need to go, can we just…just let me go Ron."

"No, we need to talk. Damn it Kris you need to listen to me, I'm thankful for what you do, but you understand now why I did it, but that doesn't change how I feel about you."

Closing her eyes, she knocked her head against the door hard enough to cause a thump. She'd do anything to try and focus her thoughts. "I can't understand Ron, and right now I can't think. Look, I'm tired just give me a couple of days and I'll try to listen and understand but right now I've got to get going."

She felt his warm soft lips against her forehead, briefly, and then they were gone. "Go on then, before I change my mind. But we'll talk you can count on that."

Reaching behind her, she opened the door and slipped outside into the cold early morning. She'd deal with Ron Speirs and this situation in a couple of days, right now though she had to get to work. Little did any of them know that two days later would see them dropping into Holland for the start of Operation Market Garden.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_London-2009_

"Wow Nana, you actually delivered his wife's baby, wasn't that hard?"

Kris shook her head, "it was very hard, even though the poor woman cried out for her first husband several times during the labor. I felt sorry for her, she had loved the man so much and she felt so dependent on Ron, it was almost…well it just really sad."

"Okay so why didn't you stay that morning?" Adie's face showed all the excitement she was feeling, Kris almost laughed at the animation in the other woman's face.

"Oh I didn't stay because I didn't trust myself. I'd just spent the night delivery his wife's baby and then earlier that day I had his mouth attached to my breast. You can see how a young woman might be confused. I didn't trust myself; the emotions on both of us were too close to the surface."

"So what happened when you talked to him again?"

"Well that's another story for another time. It's been a long day but needless to say we didn't' speak for another month. Market Garden was a real problem, plus were other things that happened that kept us apart."

Adie glanced at her watch, "you're right Kris, the day certainly got away from us. So let me just take off this mike and I'll see you two ladies tomorrow."

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"So I tell you Buck, that young thing they have taking my notes and listening to me talk is something else. You should see that young thing, if I was only twenty years younger, well I might have to give her a run."

Kris laughed and leaned over to kiss Bill on the cheek, "well I'm sure she wouldn't be able to resist you and from what I hear you're quiet the charmer with those young female soldiers on the USO tours." She couldn't remember being this happy in years. Being around these men again made her feel like she had purpose again and talking about Ron somehow was diminishing the pain that had been sitting on her chest for the last year or so.

Buck gave her a smile and reached for her hand. He was comforting in a way no one had been in so long. He simply understood and accepted. Time and age had diminished the pain of that final confrontation that had killed any hope of them being together as a couple. Smiling she was surprised when he tugged her hand lightly causing her to lean closer to him. His lips covered her in a soft kiss that didn't contain passion, but offered the comfort of companionship.

Across the table from them Bill cackled and nudged Babe, "so what do you think there Heffron, I'd say the two of them are working on being a couple again what would you say? Maybe they could get it right this time."

Before Bill could move, Kris's hand slapped him upside the head. "Just because I'm old doesn't mean I can't kick your ass. You'd had to admit that not only did an old woman kick your ass but a woman in general."

Bill cackled again and nudged Jay, "see I told you she was the last person you'd ever have to worry about. Hell she always was the toughest dame I ever met. Sam you should have seen your old Nana back in the day. The woman could stop traffic. Buck remember when she was shot in the leg. Damn it was three hours later before it even hit her."

Sam who'd only been half listening to what was going on stopped at turned her attention to Bill. "What do you mean when she was shot? When the hell did that happen?"

"Now Sam, calm down, I'll get to the story tomorrow, but it was about the same time Buck was shot through the ass, seemed like everyone got shot in the ass in Easy." She shook her head at the thought. "The replacements would keep their asses down at all cost because they were so afraid of getting caught up in the Easy tradition."

Sam shook her head, "well I'm glad the lot of you can laugh about the whole thing…so you're going to make me wait on this?"

"Of course I am dear, now why don't you and that young man go pester someone else. Oh yeah, we're going to take a little driving tour day after tomorrow and well the two of you are welcome to come."

Sam rolled her eyes, "oh yeah, like I'd miss that. I'm not letting you out of my sight, every time I do; it seems that some little tale from the past misses me."

Bill laughed and nudged Babe again, "I'll tell you, your Nana has more than her share of stories, hell she married Ron Speirs that earns her a place in heaven if nothing will."

Sam glared at Bill at his off handed comment about her grandfather but Kris only laughed, "careful Bill, she's got his temper and I'd hate for her to hurt you and well I might not pull her off."

"Oh come on Sammie baby, I was just kidding about your Grand…he was a good man, a little scary but still a great leader."

Sam stood and took Jay's hand in hers. "Well the four of you try to stay out of trouble tonight. Nana, I'll see you in the morning, don't wait up."

The table stared in silence as the couple walked off. Kris lifted her brow at Buck, "well I guess our grandchildren are doing what we never could. Get along in the dark."

Buck laughed, "yeah well I'd just as soon not think about that, but thanks for the visual."

****

_Holland-1944_

"Jesus, get off my foot Gene and help me up." Kris was fighting with the chute as it fell around her tangling her up in the lines. Her deep growl only added to the amusement she heard in Roe's voice.

"Sorry Kris, I just never met anyone who could get tied up in their own parachute as easily as you did. Now sit still and let me cut this free."

The muffled curse and yell followed by several curses was Roe's first indication that something had gone wrong with his cutting the chute free. When a hole appeared and Kris wiggled a hand through she was yelling at him, "Look, you're supposed to be helping me, not causing me to bleed."

The back of her hand was covered with blood and Roe winced. "Sorry I'll fix it after we get you lose."

When she was standing beside him he reached for her bloody hand only to have it snatched back to her side. "Oh no you don't, I think I'll keep you away from me for a while. I think I should warn everyone that you are a little dangerous with sharp things." Grabbing her bag she stomped off to join the rest of Easy with Roe jogged along beside her.

"Oh come on Kris, you try cutting blind, you know I'd never hurt you that way. I was only trying to help."

She stopped and turned so quick that Gene almost ran her down, her bloody finger coming up to stab him in the chest. "Quiet you, I don't want to hear it and in fact don't talk to me until at least an hour has passed. Got it!" Turning back she headed on her way.

Bill stopped beside Roe and chuckled, "don't take it personal Doc, maybe she just got up on the wrong side of the bed or something. I mean I don't think her and Compton are talking yet."

Kris heard Bill but didn't turn to make any comment. She had gotten up on the wrong side of the bed and it wasn't because of Buck, it was Ron Speirs costing her sleep. Sighing she plodded along with the rest of Easy as they entered Eindhoven.

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"Dick, can we please go now. I've been hugged so much my insides are about to go mushy."

Dick laughed and pulled her in front of him which put her beside Buck. The other man looked down at her and gave a smile. "Don't worry Kris, Dick and I will put you between us when we walk out of here that should cut down on some of the hugging."

"Gee thanks Buck, that makes me feel so much better." Her smirk said that she didn't trust him very much, but would have to deal with it if she had any hopes of getting out of Eindhoven with her ribs intact.

Buck's breath next to her ear almost caused her to jump out of her skin, "I'm sorry for the things I said and I'd like to try and be friends again, I know everything else is over."

She turned to face him a frown on her face. "We'll try okay, but you can't keep saying things like that to me and just expect me to forgive you. Damn it Buck, I have feelings too."

"I know and I was wrong. It just stung to see you with him, especially when he's married and all. Hey I heard that you delivered his wife's baby, that true?"

Before she could answer Dick grabbed her hand and pulled her into his back motioning for Buck to get behind her. "She can answer as we walk. We're moving out to the next town. That young boy there is going to led us."

Kris snorted, "you know he can't be any worse than the British intelligence in fact I'd trust him more than them."

Buck poked her back, "so you going to answer me or what?"

"Yes Buck I delivered the baby; he couldn't find a doctor so I did it to keep her from losing the child. That's what nurses do, we take care of the sick and injured."

"Now don't go getting mad again, I just asked a question. Have you seen him since then?"

"No and that's been my choice, don't you think this is confusing for me as well. Just let up Buck, if you want to be my friend, leave it alone."

Dick growled over his shoulder, "I have an idea, why don't both of you drop the entire subject. If and when we're pulled off the line the two of you can discuss this in great detail."

Kris giggled and pulled on Dick's jacket, "yes daddy, I promise to behave until we get through the next battle."

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"Kris get your ass up and move, you just can't sit here." Bill grabbed her under the arm and pulled her to her feet and gave her a hard shove. "You trying to get us all killed or what?"

She didn't waste her energy screaming back at Bill and then dropped into a ditch and another explosion shook the ground under her. Quickly pushing back to her feet she took off running down the road. Another round of gunfire sent all of them into the ditch. Glancing over the edge she saw Luz scream for a medic.

Pushing off she took off across the road, which at the time didn't seem all that far, but when the bullets began to kick up the dirt around her she felt like she was running across a football field. She was almost to the ditch when something slammed into her leg and knocking her into the way into the ditch. She landed on Buck knocking the wind out of both of them.

"Gees, I've heard of service when it comes to medical treatment, but I think landing on me is a little much."

Rolling off him she got to her knees, "oh my God, you're the one wounded. It's okay; I've got you where are you hit?"

"In the ass Kris, Jesus, get out of here, leave me the Germans will take care of me."

"I'm not leaving you and neither are your men, here comes Luz and Bill now we're going to get you out of here."

The men loaded him onto a door they'd found somewhere and began to drag him as quickly as they could toward the waiting trucks. She followed behind them and stopped to help treat soldiers and keep them back on their feet pushing them toward the trucks.

As she passed Dick and Lew they have a nod and everyone crawled onto the trucks, Kris beside Buck, treating his ass. "Well Buck, this isn't the way I thought I'd every see your ass, but not too bad I must say."

Buck chuckled, "please don't make me laugh darling, it hurts to bad."

"Oh I can take care of that." She injected him with a serrate of morphine. Leaning back on her heels she held on to the seat closest to her to keep from falling over in the rocking back of the truck.

When the trucks stopped everyone unloaded and tried to consolidate as the wounded were moved to an area where they could be treated further or prepped for evacuation to the rear.

She didn't know what was wrong but a wave of dizziness overcame her as she got down from the truck and leaning heavily against the side tried to walk away from everyone. Her left leg was throbbing and seemed to be dragging behind her. Maybe she'd leaned too long on it and it was asleep.

Walking further into the dark, the dizziness increased and her stomach began to revolt at the world moving in circles. Dropping to her knees her helmet rolled off to the side and what she'd had for lunch decided to reappear.

The arm came around her chest the other brushed her lose hair back from her face. "Easy baby, I've got you. It's okay just let it go."

When the heaves faded she leaned heavily against him. "Ron, I don't feel so great. I think I need to get to the aid station. Something's not right."

"Okay baby, just lean on me and I'll get you there." His strong arm came around her and lifted her against his side. They'd only taken a step when she felt the blackness closing in on her vision.

"Oh god Ron, I'm going to…" Her body began to go limp as he swung her legs up in his other arm. Carrying her bride style he headed for the aid station. He began to feel the warmth seep into one of his arms. Looking down he saw her left thigh was covered in blood. No wonder she'd fainted, who knew how long she'd been bleeding. He was worried, he'd never seen anyone pass out from being shot, but she was so small, who knew what losing that much blood would do to someone like her.

When he saw Easy's medic he yelled to him, "she's been shot, I've got no idea how much blood she's lost but she needs to be treated." He allowed the medic to take her from him and leaned in to kiss her forehead, promising he'd be back tomorrow to check on her. It was a promise that would take him a month to keep.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

_France-1944_

_Soft lips caressed her neck, his body radiating heat warmed her from the outside, and the passion his lips were building warmed her insides. Moaning she dropped her head back allowing him access to the curve of her neck. "Ron, please…I need you I need more."_

_ His hand began a slow circle up her thigh until his hand covered her damp panties. "Is this what you want?"_

_ She pushed into his hand, "yes, but harder I want to feel all of it. I want to feel all of you."_

_ She jumped at the brush of his bare fingers across her wet folds, his breath gently caressed her ear, "this is just the beginning, and you have no idea how good this will be."_

"Kris you need to wake up. You're moaning in your sleep again are you sure you're alright?"

Stifling the groan that was building in her throat, she pushed herself off the bed and glared at Millie. "Did anyone ever tell you that you're timing stinks, if not let me be the first."

The other woman giggled, "yes well sorry love, but it's your first day back and I wanted to give you plenty of time. You know I can't believe they are taking you back you've only be out of the hospital for week."

Kris sighed and pushed herself to the edge of the bed rubbing her thigh. "I know but they need the help and while I'm here waiting I might as well be of use." She wasn't happy that she'd been sent all the way back to France, but to be honest she didn't remember much after throwing up. The one thing she did remember was Ron, he'd been there and all he'd treated her like a china doll.

She'd heard nothing about Easy in the last month and was desperate for news. Market Garden had been a failure and units were starting to return, maybe today would be the day Easy came home.

"Well I'll get dressed and meet you downstairs for coffee." She watched Millie leave and sighed. Millie was one of the lucky women in this whole thing. The man she'd married was a British doctor and he'd insisted that she come along, what with her being the finest nurse he'd ever worked with. The happy couple was together and in uncertain times like these, that meant everything.

Easy herself down the stairs she tried to pull her unruly hair back into a bun only to have several strands escape around her face. Sighing she dropped into the chair wincing as she hit her thigh. The wound had healed and she'd been lucky that nothing serious was hit; it had been a clean shot through the meaty part of her thigh. The loss of blood had been the more serious problem and had caused her to lose consciousness. Had she stayed conscious there would have been no way she'd let them send her back to France.

Grabbing the steaming cup of coffee she sipped gingerly and pushed the lose hair back behind her ears. "You know I'm thinking about cutting this stuff off, I mean really this is a pain."

"Don't you dare cut your hair; I'd kill to have hair like yours. How long is it now?"

"Oh it's somewhere down my back. I really need to get rid of it; it's a pain in the ass."

Millie gave her a smirk, "so you've been moaning in your sleep, care to share what is so inspiring?"

She felt her face heat up and took another sip of coffee. "Absolutely not, I'm just having strange dreams is all."

Millie grabbed her jacket and smiled sweetly, "oh I completely understand, so want to tell me who Ron is because he seems to inspire great inspiration from you."

She picked up a potholder and tossed it at Millie's head. "He's just a guy and honestly I have no idea what you are referring to." She lifted her chin and sniffed as if the idea was beneath her.

"Sure you don't, now come on, maybe this will be the day Easy comes home and you can torment them instead of me."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Well I'm glad to see you standing on your own feet, last time I saw you Lieutenant Speirs was carrying you around."

The deeply accented voice had her spinning, facing the man with a huge smile. "Gene, oh my God, that means you're back I can't believe how much I've missed you." Her laughter echoed in the small room as Gene picked her up in a bear hug.

"Oh darlin' I'm so glad to see you. Not been the same without you. So why don't you come to lunch with me and catch me up."

"Sure, let me just tell Millie, and then you can tell me everything that I missed."

Gene lifted a brow and smiled, "yeah well you missed a bit, Winters is at Battalion now and well there some other things but that can wait."

She paused at the door and frowned, "what aren't you telling me Gene?"

"Nothing I promise, let's just go to lunch. I told Spina I would bring you around so let's get going, I'm starved."

She waved a hand and went to find Millie to let her know where she was going.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next two weeks passed quickly and she found herself falling back into the old routine with Spina and Gene. The mutterings of Creole seemed to echo through the hospital whenever the three of them were on shift. So much so, when Millie dropped off a chart she'd commented on needing to learn French to figure out what Roe was saying about her. Kris had snorted and commented that everyone needs secrets let him keep this one.

The afternoon was quiet and she'd finally found time to sit down and finish the charts she'd been putting off. So the sound of boots coming down the hallway toward her had her frowning at the door. When the shadow filled the doorway, the frown became a smile. "Well there you are I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to stop by and see me."

Ron leaned against the doorframe and smirked, "well I would've stopped by sooner but this pesky war kept me away. But I'm here now and I see you're doing much better than the last time I saw you."

She dropped her eyes and shuffled papers on her desk, "well yes and I want to thank you for being there at my most embarrassing moment. Hope I didn't puke or bleed on you too much."

His chuckle sent a shiver down her spine, "you can bleed on my anytime, but that's not why I'm here. I wanted to ask you something, I'd like you to go away for four days with me. I've got a pass back to England and well I thought the two of us could spend some time together."

She frowned and shook her head, "let me see, you want me to go away with you over a four day pass instead of you going home to see your wife and child?"

Instead of responding, he simply moved closer, sat on the corner of the desk closest to her, and brushed his fingers down her neck. "I've told you how I feel about you, why can't you understand? Please Kris, come away with me and let me show you how I feel. I won't pressure you, I leave in the morning, if you meet me in front of battalion I'll know you want me as much as I want you. If you don't, I'll never bother you again." He leaned in brushing his lips across her cheek. "I really hope you'll come."

He was gone before she could even think about moving. The feelings running through her were even more confusing than ever. She was overwhelmed by a great wave of desire, the knowledge that this time they would be alone and this time he could fulfill her fantasies. Then came the feelings of guilt, he was another woman's husband and even though he kept telling her it was only for monetary reasons, she didn't like the thoughts of being the other woman.

Dropping her pen, she pushed away from the desk and headed down the hall to the main ward. Life was full of chances and sometimes you just had to take what you were offered and run with both hands toward what you wanted.

****

_England-1944_

She'd kept silent as he checked them in as Mr. and Mrs. Speirs, even though a stab of pain in her chest had nearly brought her to her knees. That would be the one thing that them together would never happen, she'd always be Kris McCoy; the other woman. Her silence continued right up until the point he closed the hotel door behind them and she realized there was only one bed.

"What the hell is going on here? There is only one bed, where am I supposed to sleep?" She moved around the bed staring at it like a wild animal that at any moment might attack.

"Well you're going to sleep with me, where else would you sleep? The floor?" His voice held amusement as he set the bags down and approached her slowly. "What's wrong sweetheart, I thought you understood what me asking you to come away with me meant? Changing your mind?"

"Uh yes I suppose I understood what it meant, I guess I just, well…damn maybe we should talk first." Before she could slip past him, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his chest.

"Alright, what's the problem? I've explained how I felt but I'll say it again. I want to be with you Kris and this is just the start. Things after the war will be different, but right now, right here, this is all I can offer." Reaching up he deftly undid the bun allowing her hair to flow down her back. "Hmm, ever since that day I saw you in the stables I've had the greatest urge to see you with her hair down."

He began to kiss slowly up her neck and reached her ear, letting his tongue slowly outline the delicate shell. "I've also wanted to kiss my way up your spine."

His words sent a shiver of passion through her body, her body reacted without her control, dampness flooded between her thighs, and her nipples drew into tight points that ached to be touched. "Ron, you do things to me no one else ever has, I just don't want to disappoint you."

"You couldn't disappoint me. You're beautiful and I've wanted this for so long." Behind her, she felt his tug on the zipper of her dress, the cool air hitting the exposed skin of her back causing her to shiver.

His hand moved to her shoulders and slipped the dress down across her breast pausing at her waist while he placed soft kissed on the tops of her breast left exposed by her bra. Stepping back from her he quickly removed his uniform jacket and tie, unbuttoning the top three buttons.

This time when he stepped back to her, he went to his knees in front of her and lowered the dress all the way to the floor. "Beautiful, you are absolutely amazing." His lips brushed against the bullet wound on her thigh.

Her fingers threaded through his thick soft hair, her nails scrapping along his scalp pulling him closer as he dropped kisses on her stomach along the tops of her panties. His hands reached for her, pulling her hands from his hair, and placing them back to her sides as he got to his feet.

Taking her hand, he led her to the bed where he threw back the covers and swung her up into his arms to lay her softly on the bed. Bending down his lips covered hers in thought stealing kiss that when he broke away she could only lay panting as he moved back to removed the rest of his uniform.

When he moved, back to join her on the bed her hand to came up to trace the puckered wound at his shoulder. "When did this happen?"

He pulled her hand away and kissed the tips of her fingers, lightly sucking each one before answering. "Holland about two weeks after you left. Shh, I'm fine, just like you are. Now, let me show you how I feel about you."

His head dipped to suck her nipples through her bra as his right hand slide down her stomach to stroke her through the now damp panties. She tightened her grip in his hair and pulled him closer, her hips rising to meet his stokes. She wanted to feel him, all of him naked against her.

Pushing him away she sat up and quickly removed the bra and lay back pulling his head back to her breast, the feel of his mouth and tongue driving her passion higher now that it wasn't restricted by the material between them. "Oh God Ron, that feels wonderful."

"If you think that feels good, wait." His voice was dark and husky with his own building desire. He had to get her naked. Rising up on his knees, he eased the panties down her hips, leaving her bare before him. Running a hand up the inside her leg, he pushed her thighs part and lay between them, letting her feel the weight and heat of his body. Pushing himself into her soaking wet cleft he had to clench his jaw to keep from coming, her moans were driving him crazy, he had to get inside her before he lost it like an inexperienced boy.

"Tell me what you want baby, tell me what you need." He knew it sounded like begging but he had to hear her say it, to hear her say she wanted him as desperately as he wanted her.

"Ron I…I don't know I've never done this before."

Her words froze him, he had no idea she was a virgin. "Kris look at me." When her passion dazed eyes met, his he cupped her head between his hands, "baby you're a virgin?" Her nodded confirmed that he'd heard correctly swallowing hard, "are you sure this is what you want?"

Her nails scratched down his shoulders, "yes, I want you and I want you to be the first. Please Ron, don't stop now, I want you to show me everything."

He rocked his hips hard against hers as he dipped his head to kiss her again. He couldn't get enough of her, the taste of her, the feel of her body beneath his. This is where she belonged and after this, she would belong to him. Slowly he released her lips and began a slow descent down her body kissing every inch of exposed skin.

When he was between her thighs, he kissed her cleft slowly and stilled at her gasp. "Oh God, don't stop please keep going." Her passion-fueled pleas drove him to pleasure her, to have her crying out his name. He knew if she found release or close to release, it would make it easier when he penetrated her.

Delving between her legs, he forced her legs further part, licking and sucking at her engorged flesh until her breath was coming in pants and her body tightened to the edge of pleasure. Quickly removing his boxers he brought his body over hers, the head of his cock brushing against her, using her wetness to prepare him for entry.

"Kris, look at me, this is going to hurt but I promise it will be over quickly and the rest will feel good. Put her legs around my waist."

Her legs wrapped around his waist and she locked her ankles at the small of his back. She could feel the head of his cock beginning to press slowly inside her. He felt huge and she her body slowly began to stretch as it accepted him as he slipped further in. When she felt the pinch of pain as he came up against the proof her of virginity her eyes opened and she gasped.

At her gasp, his eyes lifted her to hers. He saw the desire warring with the fear of the unknown and he knew if he gave her too long to think she would tighten up again and the pain would be worse. Before either of them could think, he slide back and then a hard forward thrust had him breaking the barrier and going deep inside her. The tears at the corner of her eyes had him dropping to his elbows and brushing away the tears. "Shh, it's over now the pleasure begins."

As he began as steady rhythm of thrust and retreat, she felt her body begin to respond. The pleasure building till she was hanging just at the edge and she didn't know how to get over. But as she tightened her legs around his waist and lifted her hips to meet his thrust to the new position instantly had her screaming his name as the waves of pleasure rolled through her body. She was only vaguely aware of him groaning her name and warmth filling her inside.

When the pleasure began to fade, she found her body was too heavy to move and the weight of his body on hers was comforting. As his breathing slowed, he rolled to the side pulling her to lie on his chest, his hand slowly stroking up and down her back.

She was fading, sleep was taking over her body and when she heard him whisper he was sorry. She tried to figure out why, but couldn't make her mind work. She'd wonder about his strange words tomorrow.

Ron felt her body go lax against him and he tried to close his eyes and join her in sleep but couldn't. Something was eating at him, something he couldn't figure out. They'd not discussed him wearing anything and he'd come inside her, he had meant to pull out but the feeling of her gripping him and milking him had been too much. He could only hope that nothing would develop from one indiscretion. He wouldn't be that careless again until he was free to make her his.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_England-2009_

"Alright everyone in the car, I want to get this trip started. Bill you sure that you and Babe don't want to go?"

Bill shook his head, "nope we're good here, going to laze about I think, send some emails to my grandson and well I think the four of you could use some time together if you know what I mean." He gave Buck a sly wink. He was a romantic at heart and saw no reason why Kris and Buck shouldn't spend some time together after all these years.

Kris's slap upside his head brought him out of his daydreaming smirk, "you're still a dirty old man. I want to show Jay and Sam some of the surrounding areas, not put the moves on Buck and I'm more than sure he feels the same." Turning she climbed into the car missing the wince on Buck's face.

Driving through Aldbourne both Buck and Kris spent their time pointing out areas where things were during the war and pausing to relay some interesting stories to their grandchildren, the kind that wouldn't be told in history books. Heading off to Uppottery they passed through a small town that no one even noticed the name of when suddenly Kris was screaming for them to stop and pounding on the back of the driver's seat.

The minute the car came to a stop she was crawling across Sam to get out the door and rushed across the street without looking to stop in front of a small bed and breakfast. The sign boasted that it had been in the same family for over six generations but Kris could care less, she knew this place and the pain in her heart knew it too.

_"Ron I know we have to go but I have to tell you something, well actually two something's."_

_ He'd pulled her close brushing his lips across her hair, "you know you can tell me anything baby, what is it?"_

_ She pulled free from his arms and wrapped hers around her waist. She had no idea how he was going to react to either secret, but they were leaving in thirty minutes, it was now or never. Glancing over at the bed she smiled, they'd only left to eat and use the bathroom and her body was sore in a good way, she'd always remember this moment no matter what happened._

"Kris what's wrong, you white as a sheet, come on Jay help me get her inside." Buck and Jay each wrapped their arms around her and helped her inside, a young girl rushing to the door to meet them.

"Oh dear, she looks worse for wear, come inside I'll get a spot of tea with a shot of whiskey, that should put her right." She led the two men into a beautifully decorated room indicating the small settee they could put Kris on.

The minute she sat down, she dropped her head into her hands. The blood was rushing through her veins, so many memories, so much pain. How could she have forgotten all that? She could hear her granddaughter calling her name, but it seemed so far away, all she could see was the look on his face when she told him…

_"Well the hell do you mean you only seventeen? How the hell are you a nurse in the Army that young?" He'd dropped into the chair and was staring at her like she'd become the enemy._

_ "Ron please, I lied to escape my family, they have no idea where I am and as far as the Army is concerned I'm eighteen. That doesn't change what's between us or how I feel about you."_

_ His eyes had taken on the cold distant look she'd only seen directed at his men and possibly Buck, he'd never looked at her like he hated her._

Someone was gently patting her face and she forced her eyes open to see the dark orbs that were only too familiar staring down at her. "Thank God she's awake, Buck help me set her up. Jay get that cup of tea, and make more than half of it whiskey."

With the assistance of Buck and Sam she sat up and took the cup from Jay, taking a healthy swallow and wincing from the burn of the alcohol. The worried eyes watching her told her she'd fainted and she moaned in embarrassment. "I'm fine please everyone sit down and let me just recover for a moment."

She heard Sam snort and reach over to pour a glass of whiskey for herself, "Nana, so help me, you're going to be the death of me on this trip. What the hell were you thinking, first you go rushing across the road without even looking and were nearly hit by a car, then the minute we sit you down you faint on us. Now, how about telling the rest of us what's going on?"

"Easy Sam, let your grandmother catch her breath. I'm sure she'll tell us when she's ready, but you heaping demands on her will only make it worse. Now drink your whiskey and give her a moment."

Kris opened her eyes to see the young girl who they'd met at the door standing by in case something further was required. Kris gave her a smile and patted the seat next to her. "Come here a moment dear I'd like to ask you something." When the young girl was settled beside her Kris turned slightly to face her. "Well, I didn't mean to give you such a fright, but when I saw this building I realized I'd been here, many years ago of course. Are you related to the family that owns this?"

The young girl smiled, "yes ma'am I'm their great-granddaughter, they're out today and I told them I'd mind the place while they enjoyed the weather. You must have been here sometime ago I'm guessing. During the war right?"

"Yes, dear, my husband brought me here and we spent a lovely four days together. But that was some time ago." Leaning back she closed her eyes and spoke to the room at large, "now all of you calm down I just need another moment."

_ "You led me to believe you were older, do you think I'd have taken your virginity had a known you were a child? Dear God I'm five years older than you." His voice was cold and emotionless and with every word he spoke she felt like part of her was dying._

_ "Ron, I gave myself to you because I love you, don't you understand, that's the other thing I wanted to tell you, I love you."_

_ His harsh laugh cut her heart to pieces, "how can you tell me that. You know I can't feel that for you, not now and probably not ever. My God you really are a child. Don't you understand lust? Hell Compton didn't teach you anything."_

She jerked back to a sitting position and quickly wiped her eyes. She'd forgotten that, how bad he'd hurt her. Glancing over at the girl next to her she motioned to the pot of tea, "dear do you think you could bring some more? I'd like to sit and explain to my friends and family my rather odd behavior this morning."

"Of course, I'll be back in a moment." When she'd left them alone, Kris sat down her cup and smiled at all of them. "As I've said, Ron brought me here over his four day pass. He went with me instead of going to see his wife. I gave him my heart and everything else over those days. In the end he nearly crushed the life from me."

_ They'd ridden back to the boat in silence. You could have sat another person between them for the distance they were keeping. What a change four days could make. Boarding the ferry that would take them back to France, Ron left her standing on the deck as he disappeared below decks. Slowly she walked to the front of the boat where she knew the mist from the waves would cover the tears leaking down her face. She'd cry now, pour out her heartbreak into the waves. No one would ever know the embarrassment or heartbreak she'd just endured._

"I kept my silence too. I was nearly frozen by the time we docked in France, but I was cried out and was frozen inside. When I came down the gang plank he was already gone so I boarded the last truck alone for the ride back to Mourmelon."

"My God Kris, no one ever knew that's why you came back so different, we'd just assumed you'd had a bad time or something." Buck pulled her hand into his, "I'm so sorry, I'd have killed him had I known."

She gave a chuckle, "thank you for that and don't think I didn't want to kill him myself, yet I still loved him. I don't know why but I did."

_ Ron stood at the doorway watching her face into the waves. He knew she was crying and some part of him wanted to rush out there pull her close and apologize for ever hurting her. She'd given him everything of herself over the past four days and when she'd given him her heart he'd crushed it. He should have explained to her that he couldn't love her, not now, not when he wasn't free. But even deep in his soul he knew that was a lie, he already loved her and causing her pain was killing him._

_ When she'd confessed her age she'd given him the edge he needed, he wanted to push her away; he didn't want her hurt if something happened to him. Better she hate him now than grieve if he died. Rubbing a hand down his face he knew he'd fucked this up bad. She'd never forgive him and he wasn't sure he'd forgive himself. The minute the boat docked, he was going to run like a group of Germans were hot on his tail. Distance was the answer. He had to put distance between them before he did something stupid like fall at her feet and beg forgiveness._

"Nana, if he did that why did you ever marry him? Obviously there is more that he did, but how could you go back?"

Kris smiled sadly at her then looked at Buck, the answer to Sam's question being more an answer to the unspoken question she saw in Buck's eyes. "Sometimes love makes you do things that normally you'd never dream of and sometimes love can hurt more than words can ever say."

Buck looked away from her eyes and reached for his own shot of whiskey. Knowing this little detail explained so much, it explained the lack of life he saw reflected in her eyes when he'd returned.

****

_France-1944_

"So this is where you've been hiding. I never really thought of Mourmelon being all that big, until I tried to find one specific nurse."

Kris slowly raised her head and stared at Buck, forcing a smile. "Well, I'm happy to see you back up on two feet. How are you, really?"

He moved slowly towards her and leaned against the desk, "well I'm up and walking, not fast but moving and I find standing preferable to sitting. But I should be asking how you are; Doc told me you took a bullet to the thigh."

"Yeah, well all healed up. I've been back a work for a couple of weeks now, still hurts when it gets cold, but otherwise I was lucky. I'm glad to see you back Buck, I was really worried."

His grin grew and he reached for her hand, "glad enough to go to dinner with me tonight?"

She jerked her hand back harder than she'd meant to, "no, no dinner I have to work I'm sorry." She dropped her head back to the papers that lay in front of her. She hadn't been in public she's she'd returned from England. She went to work in the early morning and returned to her quarters late at night. She hadn't seen Ron and didn't expect too, but she was also afraid to be anywhere he might show up.

Buck crossed his arms in frustration, "so you won't go to dinner with me, does this have anything to do with that stupid argument over Speirs, because if it does, I'm sorry okay, I was stupid and over reacted."

"This has nothing to do with him, I just have a lot of work to catch up on and well Millie's here with her husband so I'm trying to give them time together. It has nothing to do with what happened in England." _Liar!_ The word screamed through her brain, this had everything to do with Ronald Speirs.

"Well okay then, are you sure you're okay, you seem a little off?"

Once again she forced the smile and met his eyes, she saw the frown on his face, "I'm fine Buck, maybe just a little tired, but hey I hear there is a movie tonight, why don't you go and enjoy it. I'm sure the men would love to see you up and about."

He continued to stare at her for a moment. There was something not right here. Her eyes were flat and her smile forced, something had happened and he was sure it was something more than just being wounded. "Well okay, maybe you're right; I'll see you around okay?"

"Sure, have a good time Buck." She held the smile until he heard his boots fade down the hall and then dropped her head onto the desk. She wanted to cry but couldn't, there were no more tears left to shed. She'd kept her silence about what happened in England, even though Millie had nearly driven her nuts with questions. This was her own personal hell, created because she'd been a naïve little girl.

She lifted her head and looked down at the papers around her. She'd screwed up too many reports today; she was too tired to focus. Pushing away from the desk she decided to head home and take a nap. She'd come back later tonight and finish or correct them.

He was standing at the corner when she came out of the hospital. She looked terrible; the shadows under her eyes were so dark he could see them from here. He'd made a mistake; he should never have tried to push her away. Walking along behind her he saw see never looked up, always keeping her head down focusing on what was in front of her. He'd been following her more and more, he couldn't go to her but he couldn't stay away. Sighing he spotted Dick Winters crossing the street to intercept her. Dick would make her feel better. Nodding to himself he turned off on a side street so he wouldn't be seen.

"Kris, wait up. Kris stop."

She heard her name and saw Dick coming across the street to meet her. She was glad to see he looked refreshed. Lew had told her that they'd forced him to go to go to Paris for a few days and it looked like it had been the best thing they could have done. "Dick, nice to see you, how was Paris?"

"It was good, sorry I missed you when you came back from England, how was it? Well other than damp and gray?" He chuckled at his own joke but stopped laughing when he saw the flash of sadness in her eyes. "Oh Kris what happened and don't give me the 'nothing happened' routine."

"Oh Dick, everything went wrong, I was so wrong about him and well I just made one mistake after another and now I don't know what to do?" She slapped her hand across her mouth and gave him a shocked look. She couldn't believe she'd said that, she'd been so careful to keep her own council and the minute Dick spoke to her she confessed everything.

"Kris I'm sure it's going to be okay, you just have to be patient. He'll come around; I'm assuming we're talking about Ron?"

She nodded and felt the tears creep to the edge of her lashes. She angrily wiped at her eyes, "damn it Dick, I can't talk about this now, I just can't."

"I understand, I'll be in my office later, maybe you should stop by and we could discuss this. You have to talk to someone Kris and maybe that someone should be me."

She nodded and quickly side stepped him running the rest of the way back to her quarters. Throwing herself down on the bed she realized there was no way she could tell Dick what she'd done. How did you tell someone else how stupid you'd really been and had given your love to someone who didn't love you back?

****

_England-2009_

When Kris had finished her story all of them were silent. Looking over at her granddaughter she smiled. "So you see your Nana wasn't always the smartest woman in the world." She chuckled at her own joke.

"Wow Nana, I don't know how you ever choose just one of them. I mean I've seen pictures of Dick Winters, he was a handsome man, and then you had this fine gentleman next to you and of course Poppy. That's too many men to choose from."

Kris laughed, "oh no dear, Dick was only ever a friend. He felt like I was his sister and well he was my big brother. Don't you think I had enough to deal with between Buck and Ron? Dear Lord, if Dick had been interested that way I think I might have surrendered to the Germans."

All of them laughed and Buck stood reaching for Kris's hand. "Well kiddies, enough story hour for today. We should pay the nice lady and head back; otherwise Bill is going to start again with his romantic ideas."

Kris nodded, "yes and well we have an early day tomorrow I believe so yes, let's head back and enjoy a nice dinner.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

_England-2009_

"Well Kris did you guys enjoy your day off?" Adie attached the mike and moved back to her seat. Instead of Kris answering Sam did, "well I don't know about it being enjoyable, but yesterday was definitely informative. Nana is just a source of secrets."

When Kris saw Adie lift her brow in question, she shook her head, "nothing all that important dear. Let me see if I can catch you up. I did recover from the wound, took a little trip to England, and then came back about two weeks prior to us moving into Bastogne. So why don't we pick up there, the rest I'd rather keep to myself if you don't mind."

Adie nodded, "of course, I think if we pick up where you are comfortable will be more than fine. I'm sure that last week was very interesting."

Kris nodded, "oh yes, that last week was very interesting indeed. As I'd said I'd been back in Mourmelon for about two weeks when something finally happened that caused me to have to talk to Dick Winters."

****

_France-1944_

She crept up the stairs that led to Dick's office pausing at every step to listen for voices. She'd waited in the dark and when the young man who was his clerk left she felt it might be safe to head up.

Stopping outside his door, she knocked lightly and waited to be admitted. "Hi Dick, I'm not bothering you am I?"

"No, of course not come on in. How have you been?"

She sat in the chair next to his desk and twisted her uniform jacket up in her hand. "Well you know when you saw me last week and said if I ever needed to talk you'd be there…well I need to talk now because I think I'm in trouble."

Dick sat down the paperwork he'd been holding and turned his full attention to her. The first thing he noticed was that she looked worse than the last time he'd seen her, she'd lost weight and was paler than before, her eyes sunken, something was definitely wrong. "Okay Kris, why don't you just tell me and we'll come up with a plan."

She heaved a sigh and then her sad eyes met his, "you see Dick, I'm pretty sure that I'm pregnant and Ron's the father." She held up her hand to stop any questions, "I don't want him or anyone else to know. I want to stay with the unit for as long as I can, I'm…I'm not sure what to do, but he doesn't love me and sure as hell no longer wants me." She jumped to her feet and began to pace, "and you know I'm not even sure I want him either, hell you have no idea how badly he hurt me."

He blew out a breath and leaned back in the chair watching her pace, "Kris calm down a minute. First tell me what he did to you?"

"He…he…oh damn he didn't do anything really. It was just me being a stupid child and thinking that sex and love went hand and hand or at least they do for me. I just don't know what to do and to be honest with you I'm scared. I don't have anyone Dick, my family…well they are a story unto themselves. The Army is all I have and I don't want to give that up."

"Just calm down Kris, you know you've got to decide something, it's not like you can keep that hidden for the next nine months, I mean are you sure that you're pregnant and not just well late because of the stress you've been under."

When she merely lifted her brows and looked at him Dick held up his hands, "okay got it, you're sure. I don't see a problem with you staying with us to at least March, that's when Lew says the next big offensive should be and by then…well I'm pretty sure everyone is going to know the secret."

She dropped back into the chair, heaving a sigh, "well that's something, thank you Dick, I guess the rest I'm just going to have to figure out on my own. I tried so hard not to become my mother and instead…well I've taken enough of your time. I'll see you later."

As she stared toward the door, Dick stopped her, "Kris, I'll stay quiet as long as you start to take care of yourself. That means eating and sleeping like a normal person. If I think for one moment you're not doing that, I'll tell him and send you home earlier."

She nodded, "you don't play fair do you? But I can do that, I promise Dick I won't let you down."

Closing the door behind her, she leaned heavily against it. Telling Dick had been the right thing to do, she'd knew she couldn't stay forever but March would give her four months to save money and plan on where she could go. Pushing off from the door, she felt lighter than she had in weeks.

****

_England-2009_

"You were pregnant, what the hell Nana, do I have an aunt or uncle I don't know about?"

Kris rolled her eyes and sighed, she'd known Sam would over react, she should have just told her everything before starting. "No there are no secret relatives hidden in the closest and if you'd stop interrupting maybe I could finish it."

Sam looked down and her face heated in a blush, "sorry Nana, I didn't mean to interrupt, it's just I was a little shocked is all."

"Well I'm not just shocked I'm confused, does someone want to let me in on what I'm missing?" Adie drew both women's attention back to her.

Kris frowned, "yes well I keep forgetting that there are some pieces you're missing. Well remember me telling you I went away with Ron…okay we were like bunnies for four days and then I confessed my age and he freaked out and by the time I got back to France, we weren't speaking. So now understand the dilemma?"

Adie nodded, "yes I can see that as being a problem, but the bigger issue was having a child without a husband. Wasn't that like the worst thing you could do back then."

Kris laughed, "right you are. Not only did I have to figure out a job situation but I had to figure out a husband situation as well. Hell even if Ron and I had still been speaking there was that pesky little problem of him being married."

"Okay Nana, she's caught up now, can we please get on with this story? I for one would like to know what happened to my relative."

Kris threw her hands up in frustration, "fine as you wish, sometimes you are too much like him for your own good. Now where was I…ah yes, I'd just left Dick's office thinking I had all the time in the world to figure things out, I couldn't have been more wrong though."

****

_France-1944_

"Gene slow down what are you talking about we're pulling out. Dick told me we were going to be here till March, then you come in here will a mad man grabbing supplies and telling me to pack. Where are we going?"

Roe stopped stuffing his aid bag long enough to look at her, "I don't know, Captain Winters told me to grab as much as I could find and to grab you too. That's all I know. You've got an hour to pack and be out on the trucks."

She watched Gene leave and looked around the decimated stock room. There wasn't much left that was of value, but she'd grab what was left before she went home to pack.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Leaving what the bloody hell do you mean you're leaving? You can't leave, you're not well, don't you think for one moment I've not see you puking your guts up morning, noon and night and that you've not slept a full night since returning from England. I won't allow this, I'll go stand on whomever's desk this situation demands, but no you're not going." Millie finished her tirade around Kris's room parking herself in front of the bedroom door to prevent her from leaving.

Kris sighed and picked up her bag. "Millie, now calm down, I've explained that I had a bug when I got back, but for the last week I've been just fine. Besides, you have to let me go, this is my job, I don't stop you from doing yours."

Millie's eyes filled with tears, "but I just got you back, how can I stand it if I let you go off again. When will you be back? You don't even know where you're going do you?"

Kris shook her head and tried to smile, "no I don't. But hey, you're here with your husband and he'll keep you busy, who knows if this goes like last time I might be seeing you in a month." Rushing forward she swept Millie up in a hug. "You take care of yourself and don't worry about me; I'm going to be just fine."

Millie hugged Kris as if she'd never let her go. "I know you're going to be fine but I'm still worried you've just not been the same since you came back and well, well who's going to watch over you?"

Kris giggled, "I think I've got a couple of men that will do that job. It's going to be okay and maybe getting back in the fight, so to speak, is what I needed." She quickly kissed Millie on the cheek and pushed past her. She'd have to hurry to make the trucks now.

When she arrived at the trucks, she didn't see Roe and Spina anywhere and people were beginning to shut the tailgates. Frantically moving from truck to truck she finally heard a familiar voice.

"So Kris, you plan on walking to the war or what?"

She looked up to see an amused Buck Compton sitting at the edge of a truck. "Boy am I glad to see you. I thought you'd left me. Give me a hand." She let Buck pull her into the truck and chuckled in amusement as he kicked a soldier off the seat next to him so she could sit down.

"Wow, I'm surprised you aren't with Doc, I mean he hardly let's you out of his sight when we have to go into a dangerous situation."

"Yeah funny that huh? No I had to see Millie to let her know that I was leaving and well Gene was in a bit of a hurry and I just told him I'd meet him at the trucks. Guess I'm late huh?"

The tailgate slamming shut cut off Buck's reply but she didn't miss the look he and Bill exchanged. Something was definitely wrong here. "Uh guys, want to let me in on the secret of where we're headed?"

Bill and Buck exchanged the same worried look again. Buck finally spoke, "well that's the thing, none of us really know. All they told us was it was a long ride and we'll drive well into the morning to get there, but as you can see, the trucks are using lights so it must be important."

She not realized until he said something but all the trucks did have their lights on. This was not a good sign that they were more concerned about getting where they were going quickly rather than avoid the Luftwaffe. She scooted closer to Buck. "Mind if I use you for a pillow?"

He gave her a strange look for a moment then shrugged, "sure go ahead, I wasn't using that shoulder any way."

She wasn't sure she could sleep in the rolling back of the truck, but she had to try. Closing her eyes, she leaned against Buck's shoulder and closed her eyes. She hated to sleep, lately every time she closed her eyes; she saw that same cold look of Ron's. Shivering at the thought, she felt Buck's arm come around her pulling her closer to his side.

"Get some sleep kid, you look like hell."

She wanted to have a smart come back but couldn't, it would require too much energy and right now, she just wanted to sleep.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The jarring halt of her truck brought her slowly from her dream. She'd been warm and dreamless and wanted to do nothing but stay there, unfortunately Buck had other plans.

"Okay kid, time to get up, this is where we get off."

Following him to the ground she shivered as the cold wind whipped through her jacket. "Okay if this is where we get off, where exactly is this? The North Pole?"

Beside her Bill laughed, "hell toots, the North Pole would be warmer, hey Babe ain't that where Santa Claus lives?"

"What the hell you asking me for, do I look like a kid to you?"

Bill eyed him critically in the dark, "well now that you mention it, yeah you kind of do."

The snowball Babe launched at Bill unfortunately missed its target and hit Kris instead. When the snow began melting from her helmet and drop down inside her jacket she screeched in frustration. "You bungling idiot. So help me God Babe Heffron you'd better hope and pray that you are never wounded around me." Turning she stomped off toward the end of trucks where she could see the fire pits burning. When she slammed into someone her first reaction won, slapping them on the arm she started around them mumbling about the stupidity of men.

"Kris stop I want to talk to you."

Those coldly spoken words had her freezing in place and swallowing hard. God she didn't want to turn around, she didn't know if she was strong enough to face him. She could feel him staring holes in her back waiting for her to turn. Nodding she slowly turned to face him, thankful that the fire pits were to her back casting her face in shadows.

"Hello Lieutenant, nice night to freeze to death isn't it. What was it you wanted? As you could see I was on my way to get warm, so could you keep this short." She saw the confused expression pass across his face in reaction to her words, but then the same cold look she'd seen in England settled into place.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay, I've not seen you in a while and I heard some of the men talking about how bad you'd looked lately and I wanted to see if there was anything wrong."

She could feel the hysteria just underneath the surface. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Three days ago, she'd have given the world to have him look her way and now he was confronting her over how other people thought she looked? He was the reason she looked so bad, he was a fool that he couldn't see it. Forcing a smile she nodded, "well thanks for asking but I'm doing fine. I'd just been working some double shifts and probably saw me after one of those. You're concern is touching if not misguided. Now was there anything else?"

She had to force herself to stand still as he stepped closer to her, she could smell the soap he'd used that day combined with the oil from the weapon slung across his chest. She looked down at his hands and longed to trace the veins she could clearly see against his skin.

"Kris…Kris are you listening to me?"

Her eyes jerked away from his hands and met the dark emotionless orbs now watching her like a cat watching a mouse. "Yes I'm listening get to the point."

"I said that I'd like to talk to you, I think we left some things unsaid after England."

This time she didn't try to control the hysterical laughter that left her lips, "talk, you want to talk to me because you feel things were left unsaid?" Lowering her voice, she stepped into him this time bringing her body flush with his. "Like what Ron, tell me, did you leave something out about me being a child that you just wanted to fuck? Or could it possibly be that I wasn't a very good lay due to my inexperience? What, tell me why wait, or better yet this time just take out the damn bayonet and stab in through the heart, it would hurt less." Her breath was coming in gasp, the nausea she hadn't felt in days suddenly returned, and it was all she could do to keep what little she'd eaten down. Looking into his eyes, she wasn't afraid, she just wanted him to get whatever he had to say over with.

"Kris, come on we're moving out."

Looking away from Ron she saw Dick waiting for her at the edge of the road, the look in his eyes clearly told her he'd heard everything. Sighing she waved at Dick and turned back to Ron. "We're done, good bye Lieutenant Speirs."

Ron watched as she walked away from him. That was the closest he'd been to her in a month. When he'd seen the tears in her eyes as she told him just to stab her he knew he'd destroyed her in England. Rubbing a hand down his face, he realized that her lack of sleep and everything else was his fault, but right now in the middle of a war zone, he had no idea how to fix it.

He felt the jealousy surge through his body as Dick pulled her into his side and they walked down the road together. He had no one to blame but himself and he could at least sleep at night knowing Dick would keep her safe. Turning back to his men, he tried not to think about the look in her eyes and he headed into the woods surrounding Bastogne.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

_Bastogne-1944_

"Hello Dick, Lew your friendly nurse reporting for her daily inspection by the battalion executive officer." Kris shifted her weight from foot to foot just to keep what little warmth she had in her body going. They'd been here in the middle of a desert of snow. The cold wind cut through their clothing and the ground was so frozen that digging holes was a task that exhausted everyone.

"Well I'm glad to see you're up and about for another day. How are you feeling today?"

Kris looked at Lew who rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh, "well I guess I need to go out and check the line. I'll be back later Dick, nice to see you again Kris." Kris watched him leave and then propped her hands on her hips and glared at Dick. "How much longer is this going to go on? Are you going to make me come up her every day just to make sure I'm alive? Jesus Dick, I sleep in the foxhole with Spina and Gene, do you really think they'd ever let something happen to me?"

Dick sighed and walked over to pull her into a hug, "look I know I'm being a little protective but I heard the argument on the road and I know you've not been well over that, so yeah you need to come back every day just to make me feel better. Think you could do that, for my peace of mind?"

She threw her hands up, "fine Dick, but I can't do my job if I have to come up here every day. Look I need to try and find third battalion; we've got to get more supplies. We just didn't have enough time to get supplies."

Dick frowned and went back to look at his makeshift desk. "Fine, but take one of the men with you and don't get too far forward of the line, if anyone knows where the line is."

"Yes daddy." She turned away laughing only to be stopped again by Dick.

"Kris, are you okay about that whole incident on the road?"

She closed her eyes and tried not to rethink the whole scene on the road, to be honest it had haunted her dreams. "Dick, I'm fine, the whole run in with him is the least of my worries. I'm more worried about my time running out." She ran a hand across her stomach and laughed, "I'm the only person in Bastogne gaining weight. Don't worry Dick, it'll be okay."

Dick watched her walk back into the trees, the snow seeming to cover her passage. He didn't realize how long he'd been staring till Lew's voice brought him back to the present.

"Hey, what's up with you and the nurse? You two aren't like becoming an item are you?"

Dick shook his head, "no, nothing like that. Can I tell you something Lew?"

"Sure, this isn't going to get me in trouble is it?"

"Would you care?"

Lew shrugged, "probably not, you know how I love to buck authority, so what's going on?" 

"Kris is pregnant and I promised I'd keep her with the unit till March and then send her home…I just wanted to give her a chance to put away some money and maybe figure out what she was going to do."

Lew looked off into the woods where Kris had went, "hmm, well that's going to be interesting, how are we going to keep her fed when we can't even get food."

"Well I've been trying to talk her into going back to Bastogne but she won't leave. I've got no idea Lew, but she won't listen and she won't let me tell the father."

Lew took a swig from his flask and laughed, "so, you know who the father is?"

"Yeah I know, but you won't so let's leave it. You're job is to help me watch her." Dick rubbed his neck and paced the small space, stopping to stare out into the forest. She told him every day she was okay, but none of them ate enough and she'd started to take on a translucent look to her skin. The baby was going to drain everything she had if he couldn't get her to go back to Bastogne.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She finally found the edge of third battalion and was able to get the small amount of items they had to share. Trudging along through the falling snow with Babe should have been comforting instead it was causing her head to hurt. She had too much time to think, to think about why Ron had stopped her on the road, to think about what he was doing right now. She hadn't realized she'd stopped until Babe nudged her.

"Hey we can't really stop, I'm not sure how much further we have to go but we need to get moving."

She shivered as she tried to look through the deep fog. She was sure they were skirting the line of Dog Company and to be honest she really didn't want to get caught out here without Dick. "Okay no problem guess I just got lost in thought is all."

Babe shrugged and stepped in beside her, "no problem, how you holding up out here Kris? If you don't mind me saying you look a little pale."

"Well Babe no one could ever accuse you of not knowing how to flatter a woman. Didn't you know pale was the new 'in'."

Babe laughed, "yeah well Bill and Buck are worried about you, especially Buck, you know he's not really been the same since he came back from being wounded, but one thing that has stayed true is his feelings for you."

"I know Babe and I wish things could have been different, Buck's a great guy, but there are some personal things going on right now that keep us apart."

Before Babe could speak shots carried through the fog and both of them exchanged looks before they took off running, neither one of them stopping until they were safe behind Easy. When they finally stopped she leaned heavily against a tree and tried to catch her breath. "Do you think they were shooting at us?" Ever word had to be spoken quickly between her pants for breath.

Babe shook his head, "nah I don't think so, too far away but I wasn't ready to stand around and find out either. You okay?"

"Yeah now that I can breathe again, sure I'm fine. I'm going to get this stuff back to Gene I'll see you later."

"Babe, what happened?" 

"Oh we heard some shots and pretty much ran the whole way back, but we're both okay sir. Any idea what that was?"

Dick watched Kris walk off through the woods toward Gene and Spina's foxhole carrying a small bag. "Uh yeah, apparently Speirs was leading a patrol and they drew some fire. I'm heading off to check the line, make sure you make it to your hole soon." Dick didn't wait for a response but headed off in the direction he'd seen Kris go.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Okay boys this is it. They didn't have much but they were able to give a little extra morphine, no plasma, I think we're going to have to go into Bastogne to try and find that."

Roe nodded and scooted over to let Kris slide in. "Yeah well if nothing else happens I'll try to hop a ride tomorrow and see what I can find." Looking up Roe saw Winters heading toward them. Frowning he spoke, "hey sir, what brings you out here?"

Kris looked up to see Dick crouching beside the foxhole. "Oh hi Dick too tired sitting around and decided to get up and walk around? Don't worry; you'll freeze all the same." She laughed at her own joke.

"No actually I thought I'd come out and see where you were living. Why don't you take a walk with me?"

Kris frowned at Dick and narrowed her eyes searching his face. Something wasn't completely right and for him to come looking for her. Wiping the frown from her face she smiled, "sure give me a hand out."

When she was standing next to Dick they began to walk back toward the battalion CP. When they were further away from the line Dick stopped and put his hand on her arm. "Look I wanted you to hear this from me, because I know how stories get stretched beyond what they should." 

"Dick, just tell me, you're starting to scare me, what's happened?"

Dick looked over her head for a moment and sighed, "well remember the shots you heard on the way back?" When she nodded her head he continued, "well those shots came from Dog's line. Ron was out on patrol and they drew enemy fire."

She felt all the blood leave her face, he'd drawn enemy fire and now Dick had pulled her off from everyone to tell her, was he hurt, or worse he was dead. "Dick, tell me is he…he…" She couldn't finish the question; the fear was choking off her voice.

Dick watched her face and she looked like she was about to faint, for someone who was done with Ron, she'd taken this harder than she should have. "No, calm down he's fine, but I wanted you to know what really happened because men talk and by the time the story made the rounds, he'd have charged the enemy line."

Kris closed her eyes and tried to slow her heart. He was fine; she should have known he was fine. When she felt her emotions were back under control she smiled at Dick, "thanks for telling me and you're right about how stories grow with the person telling them. But Dick, I'm trying not to care what happens to him, it only hurts more when I do, because then I remember he doesn't care about me. I'll see you later Dick." Turning she headed back to the foxhole.

****

_England-2009_

"Oh Kris, how horrible it must have been for you. I mean first he stops you on the road and tries to talk to you then to hear he'd been shot at. Wait a second, didn't I read somewhere that he'd been shot during Holland." Adie dropped her head and scanned through another book that must have contained her notes.

Kris exchanged looks with Sam and both rolled their eyes. Adie was way too organized for the two of them.

"Ah yes here it is, he was awarded a Silver Star for swimming a river and then getting shot on the way back. Hmm, was this kind of behavior common for him?"

Kris smiled, "honestly that kind of behavior was typical of every man in the 101st, it was all about them supporting and winning for their fellow soldiers. But I have to admit, Ron was a little more aggressive than most. Luckily that was the closest I ever came to losing him and well, I was in the hospital and didn't have to face it till much later."

"Well what was the real relationship between you and Dick?"

"I've told you, he was the brother I never had. Dick listened and advised with a neutral perspective, he didn't judge me and I'd made enough mistakes to be judged. Honestly I really didn't realize how important he was too me until the end came." She sighed and looked at Sam. "Sam I hope you'll understand, I've not kept this from you on purpose, I did this because it no longer mattered. Please understand." Kris was begging her granddaughter not only with her words but with her eyes.

"Alright Nana, I'm here to listen and learn, I'll understand why I promise."

Kris looked back at Adie, "well I guess we should continue. We'd been in Bastogne for about a week and Roe finally made it back to Bastogne…not that it helped us much, but he did meet a lovely lady, and I think Roe could have been in love…."

****

_Bastogne-1944_

"So then Doc comes back with this silly look on his face, you should have seen him Kris, I've never seen him…dazed. Yeah that's the word I was searching for he was dazed."

Kris laughed, "wow, she must have been something, Gene is the most steady person I've ever met and here you're telling me he was dazed? That is too funny." She tried to smile and keep up the positive feeling that Spina had but something was terribly wrong. She'd woken up this morning with deep cramps that went across her stomach and into her lower back. She was worried, but tried to explain the pain from the stress of the last week. They'd been shelled so many times and she'd had to dive into several different foxholes so maybe she'd just bruised something. Glancing down at her watch she winced and elbowed Spina. "Hey I've got to go see Dick; I'll be back in a while, think you can hold down the fort."

"Yeah no problem, wouldn't want you to miss your appointment with big brother."

As she crawled out of the foxhole the pain shot through her lower abdomen again. Clenching her teeth she grinned at Spina, "ha, ha, very funny and I won't tell him you said that."

He gave her a wave as he pulled the tarp back over the foxhole and she began the slow walk to the CP. She'd managed to find a long wool coat on one of her trips into Bastogne and she was thankful for the warmth it offered. She was half way there when a stronger pain caused her to gasp in pain and wrap her arms around her middle. "Oh God, please no, don't be what I think this is."

Forcing herself to keep walking she could see the outline of the tent that Dick and Lew used when there wasn't shelling. She was almost there, but the next pain that came drove her to her knees in the snow. Gasping she tried to breathe but another painful cramp followed quickly on the first one.

Pushing up to her knees she was shaking all over. The pains were growing in intensity and with fear driving her she slipped a hand under the jacket and brushed her hand between her legs. Pulling it out from under the coat part of her wasn't shocked to see it covered in blood. Pushing back to her feel she used the last of her energy to reach the CP.

"Kris, dear God what's wrong, Lew help me."

She collapsed against Dick the tears running down her face. "Dick, please you have to get me out of here, I'm losing the baby."

Lew and Dick exchanged looks, "okay Kris, I'll get you to the hospital…"

"No, not the hospital, if you take me there they'll send me home. Just get me into a room and get some morphine from somewhere. I can tell you what to do. Please Dick you have to help me." She was losing feeling in her body, the pain in her stomach the only thing she was focused on. She felt Dick pick her up and say something to Lew then they were in a jeep bouncing their way to Bastogne. Her blood slowly soaking through her coat.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

_Bastogne-1944_

She felt something soft beneath her and the world had stopped moving. Forcing her eyes open she grabbed Dick before he could step away. "Where are we?"

Sighing he started unbuttoning her coat, "we're in my room. All the officers have one; this is one of the few buildings in Bastogne still intact. Look let me get the jacket off you and build a fire then we'll go about everything else. How are you feeling?"

She dropped his hand and relaxed back on the pillows, "I'm tired, I'm hurting and I just feel so weak." She rolled at his command to help him remove her coat. "When you get the fire built I need you to get bandages from somewhere, a bowl to heat water and at least a little morphine please. While you're gone I'll finish undressing."

She saw him blush at the thought of her naked, "Dick don't go getting shy on me, I need you, trust me if I could," the cramp cut through her speech causing her to moan and curl into a fetal position.

"Okay Kris calm down, the fire's lit I'll be back in a moment."

When the door closed behind him she rolled from the bed nearly collapsing to the floor. Leaning against the bed she stripped down to her t-shirt trying to ignore the amount of blood soaking her pants and now running down her legs. Sighing she crawled back into the bed and closed her eyes, how long did it take to miscarry? She couldn't remember the text books and she just hurt so badly. Rolling to her side she pulled her back closer and grabbed the morphine injected it, laying it out where Dick would see it.

Something was wrong, she knew something was wrong, too much blood. Damn she couldn't even have a baby right. Where was Dick? She couldn't keep her eyes open she'd just close them for a moment.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He was juggling the items as he opened the door. He dropped everything when he saw Kris in the bed. She was as pale as the sheets she was laying on and her lips had taken a blue tint. Rushing to the bed he grabbed her hand and quickly felt for a pulse, blowing out the breath he'd been holding when he found one.

"Kris, come on sweetheart I need you to wake up for me and tell me what do do?" Glancing at the bedside table he saw the empty morphine syringe. Patting her face lightly he finally got her to open her eyes. "Okay baby, what do I need to do, I've got the water heating and found some bandages, what's the first thing."

Kris squinted and tried to focus her concentration, "uh, yeah okay, uh you need to clean off the old blood and tell me if I'm still bleeding. Don't be bashful Dick; you're all I've got. Or if you'll feel better get everything for me then just help me sit up."

Dick quickly grabbed the water and towels he'd found sitting everything beside the bed and wet the first one and sat behind Kris pushing her up. "Okay, I'll pull off the blankets the rest is up to you." Once she took the wet rag from his hand he turned his head to the side until she held it out to him for him to rinse. There was so much blood and he was becoming concerned, especially when he heard her sigh. "What, what's wrong."

Her speech was slurred when she answered, "I'm still bleeding it's slowed but hasn't stopped, I'm too sleepy Dick…Dick I'm sorry I drug you into this. Tell…tell him I'm sorry I lost the baby." Her dead weight fell against him and he quickly moved his fingers to her neck. The pulse was weak but there. Gently laying her down on the bed he stood beside it looking down. He had to do something but what the hell. Glancing between the door and her he made up his mind, even if she killed him later.

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"Where's Speirs?" Lew didn't waste time getting to Dog Company. Kris had looked terrible when Dick left with her and Dick was scared, he'd heard it in the other man's voice.

Dog Company's commander glared at him, "why do you want him? He's over there but you better have a good reason."

Nixon smirked, "well when Captain Winters tells me to get someone I tend to do as he ask and not ask him why. Last time I checked he was still the battalion executive officer, or would you rather discuss this with him later?"

Grumbling the man got up and walked over to the foxhole about two hundred feet away from CP. He couldn't hear all the words being spoken but finally saw Speirs look his way and hop out of the foxhole and head over.

"Nixon, what's up? What does Winters need me to do?"

"Well right now he needs you to get into that jeep and head into Bastogne the driver knows exactly where you need to go. He'll explain the rest when you get there."

Ron frowned at the jeep and then looked back at Nixon, "what, he's pulling me off the line? He can't do that."

Lew shook his head, "it's not permanent, and there is something he said you need to deal with in Bastogne, that's all he told me, now get your ass in the jeep."

He gave Nixon another strange look but crawled into the jeep any way. The only way he was going to get a straight answer was to find Dick and let him explain.

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"I can't thank you enough for coming Renee and I know that me asking you to keep this quiet is hard, but you do understand correct."

Renee nodded, "of course I do. She needs rest, she lost much more blood than she should have, but she'll recover in a few days. Stay with her for as long as you can. Take care Captain Winters, your secret is safe with me."

Dick let her out the door and moved back to the bed to see Kris's dazed eyes watching him. "You brought help, will she tell?"

"No she's going to keep it quiet, how are you feeling?" 

"Sleepy and well kind of numb, morphine is a wonderful thing." Her eyes were beginning to close when a knock came at the door. "Better get that."

Dick headed for the door hoping it was who he thought it was. Glancing down at his hands he had a moment to consider that maybe he should wash the blood off them, but mentally shrugged and opened the door to see Ron standing there. Stepping out he shut the door behind him as he watched the other man glance down at his bloody hands.

"Alright Winters, what's so important that you had to pull me off the line and why do you have blood on your hands?"

Dick sighed and crossed his arms. "First I pulled you off the line because I thought telling you this away from the men was for the best and second I thought you might like to see her." 

Ron frowned, "her? What her? Oh my God, she's been hit is she okay, is she alive, is that why you pulled me off the line, to tell me she was dead?"

He shook his head, "she's not dead, but I thought she would be. Ron, she was pregnant and lost the baby and had it not been for a Belgium nurse I would have lost her. She didn't want you to know because of what happened in England, but I think maybe now would be a good time for you to see her."

When Ron started into the room Dick put his hand on his arm, "she's a little drugged so I'm not sure how with it she really is so if she doesn't make any sense you'll understand why."

He nodded and opened the door slipping inside. The woman lying in the bed didn't even look like Kris. Her auburn hair was tangled and scattered across the pillow, her face pale and lips blue. Closing his eyes he leaned against the door. She hadn't told him, really hadn't told anyone except Dick.

As he approached the bed her eyes opened and her glassy eyes turned toward him. "Oh my God, what are you doing here? Haven't I suffered enough because of you?" She struggled to push herself to a sitting position the pain of the action showing on her face.

"Kris, baby be still, you need your rest, why didn't you tell me?"

Her laughter was brittle with a tinge of tears lacing the sound, "tell you, are you insane! You tell me I was nothing but a fuck to you, that I was a child unworthy of you and now, now what you're here to tell me I can't even produce your son without fucking it up? My God how much more pain do I have to endure from you, why can't you leave me in peace?"

He stood frozen. He knew that he'd hurt her with his words but up until this moment he had no idea of the depth of damage his words had done. "Kris please, I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you like this. I was trying to save you from me, I'm not good for you, and this is just proof of how bad I'm for you."

"Dick, Dick get in here, get this bastard out of my sight." She was screaming and crying at the same time and before he could move to try and comfort her, Dick was pushing past him.

"Leave Ron, I don't know what you did, but I thought that maybe you'd have the sense to make it right, go back to the line."

He watched as Dick sat on the bed and pulled Kris into his arms trying to comfort her tears. "I'll go Dick, but will she be okay?"

Dick looked over her head and nodded that she would be. Ron nodded back and turned to leave. It would have to be good enough for now, until they could talk and she wasn't doped on morphine, nothing would change her mind.

When she heard the door open she lifted her head from his chest, "is he gone?"

"Yeah he's gone, I'm sorry Kris I thought that maybe the two of you could talk and…"

"No Dick there is no talking to him, he's hurt me too bad, just let me sleep. I know you have to get back to the line. Do you mind if I stay here for a few days?" 

Dick leaned her back on the pillows, "no I was going to suggest that you stay here for a few days and gain your strength. I'll have someone bring you food and well I'll send in a new uniform when I can. I'll be back to check on you, sleep okay?"

Turning her back on Dick she rolled to her side and curled into a ball. The candle next to the bed fluttered in the small breeze created when he shut the door. Sighing she continued to watch the flame burn. The morphine stopped the pain in her stomach but nothing could stop the pain in her heart. Her love for him had been like that flame, burning bright and strong, only to be extinguished by the smallest thing. Sighing she closed her eyes and let the morphine take her into a dreamless sleep.

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"Dick I want to know where she is. Spina said she came to you three days ago and no one has seen her since, where is she, I want to see her."

Dick rubbed his face and gave Buck a steady look. Buck had been asking about Kris for the last three days and wouldn't let the subject drop. He knew he was going to have to let Buck see her and maybe today was as good a time as any.

"Fine, she's in Bastogne, she's been ill and well you can go see her if you promise not to upset her and take her this uniform."

"Sure Dick, I'll not upset her, why do you think I'd do that?"

Dick laughed, "Well I know how you and Speirs get along and her illness kind of has something to do with him."

Buck nodded and forced a smile, "to keep Kris happy I'd do anything, so yeah I've got no problem keeping calm. Give me the uniform and I'll be back in a few hours."

Dick watched Buck leave in the jeep and hoped that Buck would have a better effect on Kris that Ron had.

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When the knock came at the door she thought about ignoring it. The driver had come by three times a day with food, but it was too early for diner. Sighing she called out for whoever it was to enter. When Buck walked through the door she tried to force a smile but form the look on his face she must have failed. "Hey, nice to see a familiar face, how have you been?"

Buck sat the uniform down on the table and went to sit in the chair next to the bed. "I've been missing you. I think the better question would be how are you feeling? I hate to say it but you look terrible. Are you eating?"

"Yes I'm eating; well as much as I feel like and let me just say I've missed seeing you too. How is everyone?"

"Kris, Dick said you'd been sick, but I think it's more than that. What'd he do?"

When she looked away from him he jumped to his feet and paced the room. "That's it, I'm going to kill that son of a bitch!"

"Please Buck just leave it alone, you just don't understand, leave him alone."

"No I can't let him keep hurting you like this and not do anything. I care too much for you to watch him rip you apart when it suits him. Tell me what did he do now?"

"Buck, he didn't do anything it's my fault, I'm defective, I can't do anything right and now I'm lying here proof of that fact."

Buck stopped his pacing and frowned at her, "what the hell are you talking about? How is this your fault?"

"Buck, I lost a baby and it just reinforces how fucked up I am and what a child I was about him. Please leave him alone, if you want to blame someone, blame me."

Buck sat on the chair again and held her hand. Part of him wanted to rant and scream at the injustice of her loving a man who'd never appreciate her. Then to know that he'd taken her and left her with nothing caused him to have homicidal thoughts, but he knew it would only hurt Kris if he did. "Baby, it's okay, you get better, the boys miss you and well, Gene doesn't have your wonderful bedside manner."

She laughed and kissed his hand. "Thank you for that. I needed to laugh. I'll be back soon, just give me a few more days."

Buck kissed her on the head, "I look forward to seeing you soon."

Neither of them realized that when Buck left they wouldn't see each other again for several months.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

_London-2009_

The sniffling in the room brought her out of the daze she woven for herself. Blinking hard she looked at Adie who was working hard to wipe her eyes and sniffle at the same time.

"Damn, where is that box of tissues? I know I brought some in this morning. Ah there are the little devils." Adie quickly took some and passed the box to Sam her eyebrow raised in silent question.

Sam took the box and dabbed at her eyes giving Kris a glare because she was watching her with an amused expression. "Well Nana I'm glad to see you think this is funny that you have the both of us crying."

"I never said I thought it was funny, I'm just confused as to why the both of you are crying? It's over and done with, nothing to be sad about."

Adie blew her nose and sniffed, "how can you not be sad? I just think it must have been terrible for you. First, you think he feels nothing for you, then you find out your pregnant and in a time when woman didn't do that sort of thing, then you lose the baby? Oh my Lord, how did you ever recover?"

Kris shrugged, "I don't know. I spent about a week lying in the bed in Bastogne feeling sorry for myself and then something just snapped. I realized I was warm and dry while the men I served with were cold and in danger, so I pulled myself together and decided to head back out to the line, with or without Dick's permission."

"Nana, now I guess I understand why there was only one child and you and Poppy had been married for a few years, I'd always thought it was a choice, what with him moving around so much in the military." 

She sighed and plucked lint off her pants, "no it wasn't a choice and when we found out I was pregnant with your mother, you should have seen Ron. The man didn't want me out of bed. We'd tried for years and finally given up on it ever happening and well I guess I'd been depressed for first part of the marriage as well. I felt that him never having a son was my fault."

Sam reached over to hold her grandmother's hand, "I don't think he ever felt that way. When he looked at you there was a special light that always came into his eyes, his voice changed and I truly believed he loved you more than anything."

"Oh please Sam, you have to stop, if I cry any more my nose will glow in the dark." Adie blew her nose again causing both women to laugh. "I'll have the both of you know this isn't funny, it's a touching story and well I know it all works out in the end, but the fact the two of you were at cross purposes oh and I remember know, you told Buck? I'm sure that was hard."

Kris laughed, "yes it was hard and had he not been threatening to kill Ron I probably wouldn't have said anything but right then, I thought it best he knew the truth. I knew I'd probably hurt him, I just wouldn't realize the depth of that hurt until the war was nearly over. Just remember desire and jealousy has a way of making people act in ways they normally wouldn't."

"Is that why you and Poppy were separated for so long after the war? Did Buck do something stupid?"

"Hmm, in a manner of speaking yes he did something stupid, but your grandfather was the really stupid one. Oh well we'll get to that soon enough, so what would you like me to talk about now?"

Adie quickly pulled herself together and scanned over the notes she'd been making along the way. Even though everything was recorded, she made her own personal notes so she could quickly reference spots she wanted to follow up on. "Hmm, let's see well I think you can pick up with heading back to Easy that should be a good place to start."

"Yes as good as any I suppose, and well as I'd said; when Buck left I didn't know I wouldn't be seeing him again for a very long time. The next day Bastogne and the lines took a real pounding. Easy probably took its hardest hits with the lost of Bill Guarnere and Joe Toye. Both men had been the soul of the company and when they were gone." She lifted her hands and shrugged, "but I'm getting a little ahead of myself. The day after the shelling, I convinced a jeep driver to take me back out to the line. The hospital was gone so there was point in staying so I headed back out to freeze to death with everyone else."

****

_Bastogne-1944_

She had her feet braced inside the jeep as best she could but the ruts and holes were just too deep for a comfortable ride, "so do you drive this badly when you are carrying wounded?"

The driver gave her a puzzled look, "what are you talking about, I'm driving just fine. It's the road that's the problem."

Sighing she focused on the road ahead and tried to ignore the fact her guts were systematically being rearranged. She knew that Dick was going to be upset when she just showed up, but she couldn't stay in Bastogne any longer. The loss of the hospital meant she was useless there so why not go back out, besides, her and Buck needed to talk.

Things were strained between them because of Ron and the baby. She sighed and ran her hand over her flat stomach; the one that should be growing but now felt empty and barren. Well she could try to fix things with Buck that would be a good thing.

"Okay ma'am we're here, the CP is straight through those trees."

She nodded her thanks and climbed out, feeling the wind already cutting through her wool coat. When this all ended, she swore she'd never be outside in the snow again. Slowly making her way through the snow, she saw the devastation of the bombing. Trees shattered half way down their trunks and wood broken into shrapnel scattered round the entire area. This time when the shiver skated down her spine it was from the fear those men must have felt rather than the cold seeping into her skin.

She saw the figure sitting alone under the tent huddled against the biting wind that was coming at them blowing flakes of snow that felt more like stinging ice crystals. With his back to her, he couldn't hear her approach and that gave her a moment to stare at his hunched form. He looked so tired, beyond exhausted really. The cold wind coupled with the loss of men was getting to him. Glancing around she expected to see his ever present dark shadow nearby but was thankful that for once he appeared to be missing.

She cleared her throat hoping to gain his attention only to sigh when he didn't move. Stepping closer and moving into what she assumed was his peripheral vision, "Hi Dick, I'm back."

Red-rimmed blue eyes snapped up to her face and the fuzziness clouding them slowly began to clear. "Kris? What are you doing out here, I thought I told you to stay in Bastogne?"

"You did, but Dick I just couldn't stay there any longer knowing that you guys were out here and well maybe I'm better used here than sitting on my butt in town."

He stood slowly, almost as if the act of moving was painful and as he moved closer to her she came to the startling revelation he moved like a man twenty years older than he was, still when he pulled her into a hug he was the same strong steady person she'd come to depend on.

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Spina squinted at the CP as he went by. Captain Winters was hugging someone and he sure as hell hoped it wasn't Captain Nixon. When the person stepped away and reached to cup Winters' face a smile broke over his face. Kris was back and looked no worse for wear. He couldn't wait to tell Gene, the man had been miserable for the last week with her to complain about.

Sliding quickly under the tarp that covered their hole he saw Roe was asleep. Pausing for a moment he felt bed waking him but knew if he didn't Doc would be pissed. "Gene, hey Gene come on wake up, I got a surprise for you."

"Naw, leave me alone Spina, whatever it is you take care of it." His words were so slurred with sleep and accent it too Spina a moment to translate what he'd said. "Nah, come on Gene, you need to get up, you're girls back."

The Cajun's dark eyes popped open and he stared at Spina, "my girl? You mean Kris is back. Where is she?"

"She's up at the CP with Winters, I thought you might like…damn it Gene you stepped on me."

Roe looked back under the tarp long enough to eye Spina for any real damage and then shrugged, "yeah well sorry about that. See you later." He was gone again before Spina could even react. Shaking his head, he grabbed Gene's blanket and curled into what was left of the warm spot he'd made. At least Doc was smiling again, that was all that mattered, well that and the fact he'd have someone else to complain about now.

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"Dick I wanted to thank you for everything. You've been the best friend anyone could have and well I guess I owe you my life don't I?"

He dunked his head as he felt his face heat in a blush, "no you don't, I'm just glad I was there and that you're okay now. We've missed you and I swear I don't think Doc's been the same without you, he's making Spina crazy."

She chuckled, "yeah well now he can go back to complaining about me in Creole, which by the way is his favorite past time."

"Yeah well he needs something to cheer him up a little, he's had a very hard time with you gone and well, I think something happened more than just losing men here, maybe he'll talk to you, I know the two of you seem to get along."

Frowning she cocked her head to the side, "what's going on Dick, I feel like you're not telling me something."

He sighed heavily and sat back down on the box he'd been sitting and stared at her for a moment. "Well as you know the last round of shelling hit everyone pretty hard and we lost Bill and Joe, both of them lost a leg."

She had to reach out to steady herself by grabbing a tent pole. She couldn't believe that both Bill and Joe had been lost. "My God Dick, that's horrible, but there's more isn't there?" 

"Yeah, Buck…well Buck couldn't take it, he…he…he had to be pulled off the line. Official report says trench foot, but in reality, he just broke Kris. He wasn't doing so well after Holland and then you and well this was just too much in the end."

"I can't believe that Buck Compton would ever break, it's just so hard to grasp and why would what happened to me have such an impact on him?"

Dick chuckled, "Kris, the guy really does care for you even though he's almost as bad as…"

"Don't! Don't you dare say his name. I don't want to think about him, I don't want to hear about him, he's dead to me. Now I think I'll go find Gene and give Spina a break."

Dick watched her head into the forest and shook his head. She was as stubborn as Ron was, and for as much as she didn't want to deal with him or hear about him, he didn't think that would be possible for much longer.

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She was too busy looking at her feet and fuming over the conversation with Dick to pay attention to her surroundings. Leave it to Dick to bring up the one name she definitely didn't want to talk about. Sigh she knew she couldn't hide forever, but just a few days longer wouldn't hurt anyone now would it.

"Kris, you're back. Damn I thought Spina had been lying to me." Gene swept her up in his arms in a bear hug spinning her in a circle.

She closed her eyes and tried to keep the cry of pain soft. She didn't know she was that sore until Gene had picked her up. "Uh Gene you need to put me down, you're hurting me."

He dropped her back to her feet and quickly looked her over. "What's wrong were you wounded, did I hit something? Is that why you've been gone for the last week?"

Sighing she wrapped his hand up in hers. "Let's head back to the hole and I'll tell you everything when we get there, that way I only have to say it once."

When she finished her story, she watched Roe and Spina exchanged looks and then Roe mutter under his breath. "Okay Gene, speak English. If you're going to complain about me at least do it in a language I understand."

"Alright, if that's what you want; why didn't you tell me, I would have helped you, did you think I would give away your secret? You should know me better by now."

Reaching out she grabbed his cold hand in both of hers, "I did trust you Gene, but I didn't want to put you in a bad position and well, no one but Dick really knew and it turned out okay."

He shook his head, "did it? I'm not so sure. You know Lieutenant Compton nearly drove Captain Winters crazy asking about you and then when he went to see you he came back so sad. I guess we know why now."

"Gene what are you talking about, he came back sad."

He shrugged, "I overheard him tell Guarnere a day before he was wounded that he'd screwed up and lost the most important thing in his life. I never realized he was talking about you. He really loved you and I guess he couldn't handle the fact you'd chosen Lieutenant…"

She slapped a hand across his mouth. "Don't speak his name Gene, that's the one thing no one around me is allowed to do. I didn't choose anyone damn it, it was a mistake and I think I've paid enough. Now if you'll excuse me I think I'll spend the night with Dick and Lew at least they won't blame me for Buck."

She pushed out of the foxhole and ran into the night before collapsing against a tree. God she hoped what Gene had said wasn't true and that Buck had just given up because of her, that wasn't how it was, it was a mistake, why could no one understand she'd made a mistake. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she slowly walked to the battalion CP. She'd been right about one thing, at least Dick and Lew wouldn't judge her.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

_Bastogne-1944_

She sat silently between Dick and Lew waiting for dawn to arrive. Lew had come back only an hour ago after inspecting the line and she'd faked sleep, allowing him to shift her around until he found a warm spot, his snores followed quickly. She hadn't been to sleep and found that sleep wouldn't come, not with so much running through her mind.

Gene's words kept running through her mind and the thought that she'd help drive Buck to the edge was almost too much to bear. Everyone was probably blaming her, to include the two men sleeping next to her. There had to be something she could do, maybe if she could see him before he left, that would help.

"Kris, what are you doing awake, what's wrong?" Dick's voice was soft and slurred with sleep. Glancing over at him, she had to wonder if she'd woke him with her shift around, just another way she was turning out to be a disappointment.

Her sigh was soft, but clear just the same. "Nothing Dick go back to sleep, it's not even dawn yet?"

In the dim light, she saw him shift and sit up so he could keep his voice low. "There is something wrong, so why don't you just tell me."

She picked at the frayed blanket they'd been using and sighed, how did you admit to someone that you felt like the world's biggest failure, and that you were afraid to get near anyone for fear of hurting someone else. "Well you see, I was talking with Gene yesterday and he was talking about Buck and how he'd really not been the same lately." When she grew silent, Dick nudged her to continue, "well, he hinted that my being in Bastogne and for the reason I was there had a profound impact on Buck and not for the better."

She heard him sigh next to her, "well I have to admit that Buck did come back a little sad over seeing you, but I don't think that caused him to break, I just think it was the combination of too much at one time. Look, I know he's leaving today and I was going to send Malarkey in to say good-bye, why don't you go with him. I know he'd love to see you and I think you'd feel better."

"You think that would be the right thing to do? I don't know Dick, I feel bad enough already and if I have to face him in the condition he's in?" She dropped her head to rest on her knees that she'd pulled into her chest. She didn't know what to think but knew she had to do something, at least this way maybe she could talk to him. "Alright, you're right as always and I'll go and see him."

Dick wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her back between them. "It'll be okay Kris and honestly I think you'll feel a lot better after you talk to him. Right now you're letting Gene's impressions influence how you're feeling, go see him and ask. You've never been shy before, why start now."

She giggled quietly into her hand, "yeah I guess you're right. Now be quiet so I can get some sleep." Closing her eyes, she leaned into Dick and let his warmth lull her to sleep.

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Dick watched the jeep caring Malarkey and Kris leave for Bastogne. He knew it would be good for both of them to see Buck. Malarkey needed to say good-by, the loss of his other two friends had been so sudden he hadn't the chance, and well Kris... He sighed and went back into the CP, he needed to focus, Foy was down below them and it would only be a matter of time before they were given the order to take the town.

When he heard the footsteps behind him he didn't turn, assuming it was Nix. "Well about time you got up. You'd think that you'd been out all night on the line or something. Hey do you have the intelligence on Foy yet?"

"Uh Captain Winters, I'm not Nixon."

Spinning he saw Ron standing at the edge of the CP with his hands in his pockets and for the first time ever, Dick would have sworn the man looked unsure of himself.

"Speirs, what brings you by?"

Ron stepped inside the tent and looked around for a moment. "Well I was hoping that I could talk to Kris. I know things were not that great in Bastogne but maybe she would be more willing to listen now."

Dick crossed his arms across chest. "You know I don't think that's such a good idea. She needs time and space and I think you just showing up here and wanting to discuss something that obviously has her upset…no I can't let you do that, at least not now, maybe in a few more days."

Ron nodded, "you know I understand how you feel, and I guess…well…well, could you just let her know that I want to make everything up to her. I don't want to be killed or have her die knowing that she thinks I don't love her. I know the order will come soon to do something about the Germans in Foy and I guess…damn I don't know what I'm trying to say."

"Well how about you start with the truth. How do you feel about her? Because right now she's convinced you hate her and whatever you did or said in England…that is going to take some serious explaining."

He rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. "I know I screwed up. I tried to explain to her that I said the things I did to try to save her from me. Don't you think I know how I am and that I'm not good enough for her? I don't need anyone to remind me of my failures, I'm not good with words."

Dick lifted a brow, "well that may have been the largest understatement I've ever heard. You do realize that she thinks you hate her and well right now, I just think you need to stay away. She's dealing with some other issues that are affecting her."

"Like what?"

Dick shook his head, "like nothing that should concern you. Look, give it a week and then come back and see me, then maybe she'll be ready to hear what you say."

"Fine, I'll go, but if something were to happen…"

"I'd tell her only if I thought it would be in her best interest, otherwise…well you understand don't you."

Ron's lips drew tight in frustration but he nodded, "yeah…I get it." Spinning on his heel he head back to Dog Company leaving Dick alone.

Dick frowned and turned back to the map, suddenly finding it impossible to concentrate. He'd believed Speirs when he said he wanted to make it up to Kris, but Dick didn't know if this was a case of too little too late.

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She stood off to the side watching Buck and Don talk, she didn't want to intruded so she waited. The only problem with waiting is that it gave you time to think. She ran through every possible scenario of how this meeting would go and none of them turned out well. Sighing she shifted her weight and watched as Don walked back to her. "He wants to talk to you."

Nodding she slowly walked toward Buck and tried to plaster a smile on her face. When she stopped, she reached for his hand, "so, I hear you're heading for slightly warmer digs?"

"Uh yeah, they are talking about England and then making the final decision by the end of the month. What about you?"

"Well I'm back out on the line and I'm fine, just getting back into the groove of things. I'll miss you." She saw something flicker in his eyes. Confusion, warring with hurt.

"Yeah well I guess you'll find someone else to fill your time. You're good at that."

She drew her hands away from his and dropped her head. There it was, the confirmation she was looking for. She was part of the reason they were standing here saying good-bye. Without looking up, she nodded, "okay then well safe journey, and maybe…well just be safe." She turned quickly and headed back to where Don was standing waiting on her. The dull pain that had been a weight on her chest and become a stabbing ten-ton weight that threatened to steal her breath with every beat of her heart. She didn't ever realize she was panting until Don grabbed her hand and squeezed hard. "Kris you okay? I know it's tough to see him go but he's going to be okay."

She shook her head and tried to speak only to hear a small squeak leave her throat. Swallowing hard she tried again to clear the lump that had formed. "Don, nothing is ever going to be alright again." Turning she got into the jeep and prepared for the long drive back out to Easy.

****

_London-2009_

Sam alternated from looking out the window to watching Kris. Nana had been very quiet ever since they'd left the studio, almost like a veil had covered her, she'd watched Nana withdraw into some place she couldn't reach. Frowning she considered canceling her date with Jay, maybe she should stay in her room and make sure Nana was okay. Besides, this trip wasn't about her sex life.

"I know what you're thinking and I'm telling you not to do it."

Sam jerked her head from staring out the window to look at Kris, the smirk and lifted eyebrow conveyed her amusement. "Oh really and just what is it that you think I'm thinking about doing?"

Kris snorted, "don't you play with me little girl. I know you too well, you were thinking of canceling your date with Jay to sit home and babysit Nana, well not going to happen. I'm just fine thank you very much."

"Alright so maybe I had given the idea some thought, but you seem a little down and I didn't want to leave you alone tonight."

Gracing Sam with a smile she sighed, "I'm a little down; honestly there were parts of my life I'd forgotten. More by choice than anything else, but that time was extremely difficult for me. It's hard to put into words how guilty and alone I was feeling. Buck's words hurt, he may have not meant them the way they came out, but they did hurt. Then when you have to face people you thought were you friends and always wondering if they blamed you." Kris tried to shrug, "but there were worse things ahead, I just didn't know that then."

"Nana, if you felt that way about Buck and you said he did something else, how is it that you can forgive him now?"

"Oh sweetie, I forgave Buck years ago, actually it was your grandfather's idea. It was after your mother was born and well a card came not long after from Buck congratulating me and of course Ron. Well I wanted to burn it and never speak of it again, but your grandfather made me call Buck, he said we were too old to hold grudges that no longer mattered."

Sam laughed, "wait Ron Speirs said that?"

Kris's smile was bitter sweet, "you only thought you knew your Poppy, he was a different person deep inside. Do you really think I'd have been married to someone who was like all the rumors? The answer is no, I wouldn't have been. Ron was actually a very loving and sweet man." She shook her head as if trying to clear her thoughts. "So Sam, what is going on with you and Jay?"

Sam smirked, "nice change of subject Nana. However, things are going very nice indeed. He's a very nice man." Her smirk slipped into a sweet smile that Kris immediately pounced on.

"Well he must be very sweet indeed, you aren't smirking any more…so does he…cause the earth to shake?"

Sam gasp in shock, she couldn't believe that they were talking about sex. "Nana! I can't believe you just ask me that…but yeah he does."

"Good dear, the earth should move, that's one of the signs you're in love."

"Wow, I never said anything about love and neither has he, we're just you know having a good time. So I can assume that the earth moved with Poppy?"

Kris nodded and gave a smile that Sam couldn't quiet name, "every single time. However, I'm sure you're right about Jay dear, keep telling yourself that."

Sam frowned and turned back to the window. She didn't know what to think about the whole situation with Jay, but the fact that Nana was so sure had her wondering. Maybe that would be a topic for her and Jay to discuss tonight.

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"She really said that? Wow, your Nana is a really pistol, I wish I'd have know her during the war, can you imagine."

Jay grew silent for a moment staring at Sam across the table. In fact, he was so silent she began to squirm under his observation. Sigh she cocked her head to the side, "okay so what is so fascinating?"

He chuckled and reached for her hand, "oh nothing except I have a very strong suspicion that for as much as you look like your grandfather…you are very much like your grandmother…you're very feisty."

She blushed and dropped her head, "thank you. I don't think anyone has ever said that. Everyone always said I was like Poppy."

Jay smiled and rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand, "oh I'm not saying you're not, but you have a quiet strength that I really thinks comes from her…look at everything she's gone through and she's still standing…that's why I think you're more like her."

Sam smiled and glanced at him from under her lashes, "Jay I have something to ask you and before you answer I want you to know that well, it doesn't matter what the answer is I just want to know and well Nana does too…so how do you feel about me?"

Jay leaned forward across the table and lifted her head with a finger under her chin. "Sam, I'm not going to call it love, but I will tell you that in the last few weeks, I've found you to be the interesting woman I've ever met and I'll also tell you that when this is over I still want to see you, that is if you feel the same way?"

Sam smiled and grabbed his hand. "Thank you for not saying love. If you'd have done that I'd have know it was a lie, but the fact you were honest…oh yes Jay, I'd like to see you again after this. What do you say that we head upstairs…I know you have a comfy bed and well Nana won't mind if I don't come home."

Jay got to his feet and held out his hand for her to take. "Actually I think Nana Speirs would be terribly disappointed if you came home tonight."

She leaned into his shoulder as they walked toward the elevator, "you know…I think you could be right."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

_Bastogne-1944_

Alone. She sighed, it seemed that was how most of her time was spent, alone and as far away from the rest of Easy as she could get. Frowning she realized how difficult that was becoming. She still slept in the foxhole with Spina and Roe, but she stayed as far from them as the small area would allow, a hard choice to make when the nights were this cold. She'd been coming in later and later and leaving before they could wake. Everyone thought she didn't see the looks, whether they were curiosity or condemnation she didn't know and was trying hard to convince herself she didn't care.

She'd been at the CP last night when Dick and Lew started talking about invading Foy, it was only a matter of time and the fact they'd waiting this long surprised her. Every day they'd been shelled and that alone was beginning to wear everyone down. At this point, they'd rather go and fight rather than sit and wait to die. The only down side of getting this over with was Foxhole Norman. Shaking her head, she didn't envy Dick his decision.

"Hey Kris what you doing sitting her alone, why don't you come eat with us?"

She glanced at Spina and shook her head, "nah, I think I'm going to head up to the CP you and Doc go on without me."

"Kris you okay? I mean you stay with us, but something just ain't right, why don't you want to spend time with us anymore?"

She crawled out of the foxhole to stand beside him, forcing the smile on her face. "I've got no idea what you're talking about. I'm here every night and well it's not like I can go anywhere else."

Spina shook his head and turned away mumbling under his breath about 'women and their strange moods'. Once she couldn't see him any more she let the smile slip from her face. She's managed to dodge one more bullet, but the longer they were out here the harder it was becoming.

Turning she started off through the woods toward the CP, her feet moving in the direction she needed to go from memory, leaving her mind to go where it wished. Right now, it was rushing through different scenarios with Dick so she could try to find excuses to come off the line. She knew that Dick would probably move her if she just asked and explained, but to be honest she didn't want to explain her feelings. How did you explain to someone else when you couldn't explain to yourself? No, she just wanted to escape, escape from the cold, the men accusing her with their eyes, but most of all escape from Ron.

When the branch broke off to her right, she froze in place. There had been a rash of Germans wandering into their lines and the last thing she need was to confront a German without a weapon. Slowly she turned her head to see something that in her mind was worse than a German, Ron.

Closing her eyes she opened them again hoping against hope that he would be a figment of her imagination, she barely stifled the groan threatening to escape when he was still there. He appeared to be as frozen as she was, almost as if he didn't want to break the delicate spell holding both of them in place. Swallowing she continued to stare, the thoughts running through her mind. Did she run? Did she stand here? What was the right answer?

When he took a step forward, she felt every muscle in her body tense for flight. Whatever he wanted, nothing good would come from him touching her. She saw him frown; the burst of speed he suddenly displayed caused her to gasp. By the time the first round hit his hand was already wrapping around her arm pulling her with him. His hard shove had her falling into an empty foxhole rolling to her side with the impact, his solid body coming down to cover hers.

Somehow, she found herself on her back with him lying on top of her. Their eyes met and neither spoke. Around them, the shells rained down like tears while they maintained eye contact, neither one willing to look away. She could feel her heart about to pound out of her chest and she knew it wasn't fear of dying it was the fear of what he would do next. The look in his eyes was something she couldn't name. If she'd seen it on anyone else she would have thought they cared.

The silence between them was terrible. She wanted to speak, she wanted to rant and vent all her anger and tears on him. This was his fault, all of it. The emptiness inside she felt to her very soul, and now he had the nerve to lie on top of staring as if nothing had passed between them. She felt his thumb slowly caress her jaw, the rhythm soft and steady. Her eyes began to drift closed with his soft caress, his warm breath gentle on her face drawing closer to her lips.

Her eyes popped open and she pushed at his shoulders and began to squirm as the realization of what he was about to do hit her. "Oh you…you…miserable bastard! How dare you touch me, much less try to kiss me with everything you've done to destroy me. How could you ever think that after all you've done to me…oh my God get off." She shoved again, this time harder than before and when his weight lifted, she was able to wiggle from under him and escape.

She heard him scream her name to be heard over the shelling but she didn't care, she didn't care if she died, she would get what she deserved, but she had to get away from him. She ran as hard as she could, through the flying shrapnel, the dirt covering her as she ran and still she didn't stop, would never stop, she had to escape. When something caught her foot, she didn't have time to brace herself and her chest impacted hard with the frozen earth.

"Kris what the hell are you doing get in here." Strong arms wrapped around her pulling her down into the foxhole and against the warm body. She didn't look up she didn't react, she simply sat on the man's lap and let him hold her as the tears streamed down her face.

When the final shell landed, a hushed silence fell over Easy's line. The tears had stopped and now she sat numb and dazed.

"Kris, you okay? I didn't hurt you when I tripped you did I?"

She turned her head slowly, as if the effort was too much. Lipton's worried eyes met hers and she knew her voice was gone so she merely nodded that she was okay.

"Boy, I was worried, okay look you stay here; I've got to check on everyone. I'll be back okay?"

Again, she silently nodded. She'd wait till he was gone and then drag herself back to her foxhole. Spina and Roe wouldn't ask questions, and anyway they'd be busy for a while, the screams for a medic already echoed across the frozen terrain. Closing her eyes, she thought back to all she'd left behind. Her drunken abusive father, her broken mother…this is what she traded them for? Slowly crawling out of the hole she headed to Roe and Spina's foxhole. Had she know she was trading one hell for another; she might have stayed in that miserable one room house. At least then, she'd have know why she was dead on the inside. Sliding down in the hole, she blocked out the screams of pain and cries for help, closing her eyes she gave into the exhaustion and emptiness that had been crushing her for the last several days.

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"Gene I'm telling you, she's got me worried. I mean have you noticed the way she's been acting since that last shelling? You know she's scarier than Buck was even at the end."

Roe turned and glanced at Kris as she stood leaning next to a jeep. They were waiting to head into Foy. The medics would be staying back this time, the open ground too much of a risk. He shook his head, "yeah I know, but she won't talk to anyone and I've got no idea."

Kris watched them from the corner of her eye. They thought she couldn't hear them, but what they didn't realize was the wind had shifted and she could have heard a pin drop. Casting her eyes across the frozen field Easy was about to cross part of her was desperate to go with them. Kicking the snow at her feet, she'd been convinced if she couldn't feel the pain she'd be better, unfortunately she was wrong. The numbness that had covered her was worse.

Her sigh caught Nixon's attention and he nudged her with his arm. "Hey you okay? You don't look so good."

"No, I'm fine, I just hate waiting and well this is going to be a long wait since Dick won't let us go with them."

Nixon gave her a smile, "well then pretty lady you get to stand here and keep me company." Leaning in he gave her a mock stage whisper, "besides, you're more fun to wait with than Colonel Sink and Dick. They are way to high strung."

Dick's lifted eyebrow had her laughing. Nixon would do or say anything just to gain a response from Dick. "Careful Nix, you don't want Sink to hear you."

"Yeah well what's he going to do, send me to Europe and fight a war? Oh wait, I'm already here." He looked around him in a confused manner, "damn, just wish someone would have told me it was this cold here, I think I might have passed on this one."

She gave him a smile and leaned back to wait and watch. When Easy began the run down the hill, she felt every muscle in her body tense. She was right there with them, every mortar that landed and every bullet, that whizzed by had her cringing. God standing here was terrible. As she watched Dick pace and yell, she realized she wasn't the only person stressed. Dick had been with these men for two years and now had to stand and watch as Foxhole Norman got them all killed.

She had begun to focus on Nixon's mutterings when she heard Dick scream a name that sent chills down her spine.

"Speirs, get yourself over here. Get down that hill and take that attack in."

She moved up in front of Nixon to watch him sprint down the hill, holding her breath, she tried not to focus on the mortars landing around him and in front of him, but when the final one landed inches in front of him she spun around and faced the trees. She was panting and clutching at her jacket. She was having a heart attack; that was the only explanation for the pain in her chest that nearly drove her to her knees. He was gone and her world would be an empty sad place without him.

Blinking she gasped at her realization. She was sad and hurting at the thought of him dead. Dear God, after everything he'd done to her, she was still in love with him. Closing her eyes, she tried to block out everything around her. She refused to turn and face his body lying still in the churned up snow and dirt.

Beside her, she heard a low chuckle, "you can turn around and breathe sweetheart, he's alive."

Spinning she gasped when she saw he'd was not only alive but had linked up with Lipton and was issuing orders. She sagged with relief against Nixon causing him to laugh, "wow, I wish some woman hated me as much as you hate him."

She pulled herself up and straightened her spine. "Well I'm just glad for the men, after all that would be a waste of a good officer."

Nix lifted an eyebrow and smirked, "right keep telling yourself that. But I know that no matter what you say, you're still in love with the jerk and trust me it pains me to admit that."

She dropped her eyes and then tentatively glanced around at who might have been close enough to overhear their conversation. "Lew please don't say anything I'm already judged enough, if anyone here thought that I still had feelings for him after what happened with Buck…well you can see how much worse things would get."

The smirk instantly left his face, "what are you talking about? You had nothing to do with Buck, that was just too much of all of this and that's all. Why do you even think that?"

"Never mind what I said just keep it to yourself, please Lew, I'm begging you?"

Before he could answer her, the yell for medical personnel came and she found herself torn between waiting for his answer and Gene yelling for her. "Please Lew just think about it." Not waiting she headed down into Foy.

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They'd slowly worked their way down the hill and she was now leaning against a wagon watching the men sing and joke for the camera. It was good to finally see everyone so happy after the misery they'd endured. Who knew that invading a town could have such a positive effect on people?

When the first shot hit someone, everyone turned to stare at the fallen soldier as if it was a joke, the second shot and another soldier down stopped the laughter. Turning her head, she spotted a build not more than fifty feet away, pushing off the wagon she made a run for it, only to be grabbed up and shoved against the wall a hard male body covering her back.

Wiggling she managed to turn so she could see who dragged her off like a sack of potatoes only to meet two dark orbs watching her face carefully. When she tried to push him off, he grabbed her hands in one of his and pushed them over her head, bringing her entire body up against his. "Damn it Kris stop moving, I'll let you go when the shooting stops."

She growled and relaxed against the wall. Her traitorous body had other ideas and the desire to press closer against him was a hard fought internal struggle, one she'd almost won when his free hand cupped her cheek. "What are you thinking about?"

She couldn't stop the tears that welled in her eyes, "why? I thought it would be easier if I was dead? Every time I think I understand, you do something like this, you touch me, you're close to me, so just answer me why?"

She saw his eyes darken and the line of his lips tense, his thumb gently brushed across her lips, "I love you Kris, don't you get it?"

"NO! You don't love me, you made that clear in England, why are you so cruel? Just let me go, please let me go." She nearly stumbled when he released her and let her pass without another word. Turning to face him, she let the tears slide down her face unchecked, "I might be nothing but a child, but I still have feelings now and then, whatever it is between us, has to stop."

She didn't wait to hear what he had to say, she ran away, ran all the way back to the CP where she found Nixon sitting alone. "I was wrong Nixon, I was wrong when I told you that I didn't feel anything, well I do. I just wish to God I didn't."

Nixon found himself holding a crying woman in his arms and wondering what the hell could have happened in such a short period of time.

"Kris come on sweetheart, calm down and tell me what happened? It couldn't have been all that bad now could it?"

When she raised her head to look at him the sheer pain he saw reflected in her eyes nearly broke him. "Okay, I know he's a jerk, but what did he do?"

"H-he, h-he tried t-to kiss m-me and he keeps telling me he loves me?" She released her hold on Lew to wipe her face. Not that she thought about it she had no idea why she was crying, she was mad. "You know, after all he's done there is a part of me would give anything to believe him, but if I even look his way I'm going to have it worse than I already do in Easy."

Lew sighed, "okay well let's address that last statement. What do you mean have it harder in Easy? All the men love you Kris, you know that."

"Oh no they don't, they blame me for Buck. They all think that my actions helped with him break. Hell Gene as much told me that. Don't think I've not seen the looks, I know what they think."

"No Kris you really don't know. They've been worried about you, that's why you think you're getting strange looks. Ever since you came back from Bastogne you've isolated yourself and seemed so lonely, that's why they are watching you, they're afraid you'll break like Buck did. No one blames you for Buck or the baby, those things just happened and it's no one's fault really, just the luck of the draw."

She snorted and crossed her arms, "right I'm sure that's what's going on, why should I believe you when you haven't seen the way they all are acting?"

Standing he walked over and gripped her shoulders so she couldn't turn away. "It's very simple. You'll believe me because I've never lied to you and I'm not about to start now. So the next thing I have to address is the jerk." Lew released her shoulders and held up both hands to stave off the attack he knew she was about to launch.

"I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Right after you came back from Bastogne, the day you went to see Buck Ron came to the CP. He wanted to see you and Dick wouldn't let him. Ron told Dick that day he'd screwed up and that he loved you and all he wanted was the chance to tell you that. Now you can trust me or you can ask Dick, he's standing right over here."

She turned her head to see Dick reading over some papers. Frowning she turned back to Nixon, "okay I do believe you on both counts, what do you suggest I do?"

His smirk was award winning, "well I guess I would suggest you head back into town, join up with Easy so they don't worry and try to let the rest go. Oh and if I was you…I'd make him beg."

She laughed, "I should shouldn't I? Just for all the aggravation and pain he's caused me, but you and I both know I'm weak when it comes to him."

Lew patted her on the back and pushed her down the hill, "I know but you're going to be fine and you know where I am if you need me.

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Sighing she tried to relax back into the pew and close her eyes. They were inside and warm for the first time in weeks, not to mention they were actually sitting still for the night. Ever since they crawled out of those holes and charged into Foy, they had been on the move. Taking one town right after the other until most of them had no idea where they were.

Shifting again, she finally gave up. She knew why she was so anxious; it was all because of him. He was sitting not ten feet from her working with Lipton on reports that she was sure would have to go to battalion. Getting up she decided that maybe going to stand in the cold, at least until he left would be preferable to staring at something she couldn't have. Damn, now she knew how little kids felt when you took them to a candy store and told them no, they couldn't have anything.

The first touch of cold air took her breath. Looking up she gasped in surprise, the sky was full of stars. They hadn't seen stars since arriving in Belgium and now the sky was lit with them. Sighing she wondered if they looked the same where Buck was?

He'd folded the papers Lipton had given him and braced himself for opening the door. Even though battalion was only on the other end of the small town, he'd really enjoyed sitting down and being warm. Allowing a small smile, he'd also been enjoying being that close to Kris.

He'd felt her eyes on him for the last hour and found it enjoyable that she was watching him, instead of glaring. He'd have given anything to go sit beside her and pull her close to his side, letting his body warm hers. Shaking his head, he knew he'd be lucky to share the same room with her, along with the rest of the men, much less get that close ever again. Still he'd noticed a slight change in her since Foy. The looks she cast his way seemed contemplative rather than angry. He considered the idea that Dick might have told her how he felt, then decided against it. Dick was as protective of her as he would be his own sister; there is no way he'd tell her.

Pushing the door open and stepping out into the dark he paused and let his eyes adjust to the dim light. Glancing up he smiled at the twinkling stars. A clear night would mean a clear day and air cover was nothing to sneeze at, especially when they'd gone without it for too long. Taking a few steps away from the building, a dark shadow alone in the middle of the road drew his attention. Frowning he slowly approached the person walking heavier than normal so that he would attract their attention before spoke.

Stopping beside the person, he was surprised to see it was Kris and her head was tilted back gazing at the starry sky. She seemed lost in whatever she was thinking and the cold appeared to have no effect. Loudly clearing his throat didn't distract her, so he reached out and laid his hand softly on her shoulder. "Kris, its a little cold to be star gazing, why are you standing out her in the cold alone?"

When her eyes met his they were slightly glassy, "hmm, oh well you know this is the only place where I can just be me and no one will judge my actions."

Slowly she turned to look down at his hand on her shoulder and then back up at the sky. He took the fact she hadn't knocked it off her shoulder or yelled at him as a positive sign and left it there. He'd chastise himself latter of what a sucker he was acting like.

"Kris you probably need to go back in. Enjoy being warm and well I'd feel better if you were inside."

She snorted, "no I'll go back in a few minutes I just need a few moments."

He slid his hand slowly from her shoulder trying to hold the contact for as long as he could. Swallowing the sigh that threatened to escape he nodded and cleared his throat. "Alright then, uh I'll leave you alone, just don't stay too long."

She watched as he walked away and sighed when she was sure he was out of sight. He'd done as she asked and left her alone, but was that truly what she wanted? Her shoulder was still warm from the presence of his hand, and while she was by no means ready to forgive him, she was growing more desperate for contact with him. Turning she moved to the side of the church and sat on the stone bench that overlooked the cemetery. She knew he'd be coming back here tonight, he didn't leave the men like Foxhole Norman had, now all she had to do was sit and wait for him.

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It was well after midnight before he started back to the small church. All he wanted was to lie down and close his eyes, even if it was for only a few short hours. Battalion had told him they were moving at first light, which would at least give him three hours of sleep, which is more than he'd had in the last few weeks.

The sound of boots crunching on snow drew his attention to the side of the church. When the figure stepped out of the shadows he growled low in his throat, "what the hell are you still doing out here? I thought I told you hours ago to go back inside."

Her soft laughter carried in the still air, sending a shiver down his spine, he honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd heard her laugh. "I was waiting on you and I knew if I didn't stay out here, there would be no chance to get you alone inside. So, would you mind stepping over here?"

He followed her back around the corner to the stone bench and sat down where she indicated. Something about this situation had his nerves on red alert, for all he knew she planned to stab him with a bayonet, not that he wouldn't deserve it. "Uh, I thought you said you wanted to be alone. Are you sure you want me here?"

When her small hand covered his, he actually jumped. "Ron, I need to ask you something and I want you to tell me the truth, do you want me? Please for once just tell me how you really feel about me."

He rolled his hand over so he could wrap her hand in his. He loved the fact that his hand could completely enclose hers; it made him feel like her protector, the very thing he wanted to be. "Kris I lied to you once, I won't do it again. I lied in England when I said I didn't love you and I lied when I said that age mattered, but the worst thing of all that was how I lied to myself. I do love you Kris and I'd give anything to make you my wife someday, but even more…I'd walk through machine gun fire if you'd forgive me for hurting you."

When her eyes met his they were steady, "I can't say I forgive you Ron, that's going to take a long time and some things I can't ever promise will heal, but I realized when you ran into Foy that I still loved you and staying away was killing me." Her free hand cupped his face and she leaned in toward his lips.

Both of his hands reached out to grab her shoulders and hold her in place, the hurt look she gave him nearly had him releasing her but he had to hear the words from her lips, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes, just for this moment, this is what I want."

When he released her she leaned in and pressed her cold lips against his, her soft tongue lightly caressed the seal of his lips. A growl tore from his chest and he grabbed and lifted her into his lap, his hand coming up to cup the back of her head and turn it the way he wanted. He'd dreamed of the taste of her, now she was cuddled against his chest, her mouth warm and soft against his. He had no idea what tomorrow would bring, but right in this moment he didn't care if he ever slept again if he could stay like this the rest of the night.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

_Belgium-1945_

"Kris come on, wake up it's time to go. Gees you found the best spot to sleep last night no wonder I didn't see you come in."

She heard the soft voice with the Cajun accent and knew it was Roe standing over her, but where exactly she was remained a mystery. She could feel the hardness at her back and she was warm, wincing she pushed herself to a sitting position before trying to open her eyes. She was back in the church, all the men were up, and moving around her. The pew she was sitting on was the very last one and hidden slightly behind a column and she had no idea how she'd gotten here.

Roe's fingers tracing lightly across her cheek had her looking up at him in confusion. He smiled and dropped his hand, "I think you stayed out in the cold too long last night, you face appears to be a little chafed, I'll give you some lotion for that when we get on the truck."

Nodding her head, she reached for her bag that was also mysteriously sitting by her feet. She kept her head down while she tried to gain control of the emotions running through her. The last thing she remembered was Ron pulling her onto his lap and kissing all the sense right out of her. She had no idea how long they'd stayed like that, but she'd loved every minute of it. He must have carried her in last night and laid her here to sleep. Smiling she reached up to rub her face, it was just as well that Roe thought it was windburn, she'd had no idea how to explain that it was really stubble burn caused by Ron.

As she left the church with a small group of men, a hand wrapped around her arm and pulled her to the side. Smiling she expected to see Ron, but instead Lew was grinning down at her. "Well good morning Kris and how are we this fine morning? You're looking lovely and I must say that touch of color in your face does wonders."

Glancing over her shoulder to see no one there, she hissed at him, "Will you please be quiet? Roe thinks I have windburn and that's the way it's going to stay. Does it look that bad?"

His smirk only grew, "well hmm, how to put this…uh yes. So can I take this sudden ailment to mean that you and the jerk are getting along?"

She sighed, "well I don't know how to explain it other than I crave the man like you crave Vat 69."

Lew winced, "ouch that bad huh? Look, something happened last night and no you don't have to tell me, but let me just throw out something, you know he's married and that isn't going to change, think about it. Just don't let your heart get too involved."

When Gene called her name she looked over her shoulder and quickly back at Lew. "I know he's still married and probably always will be, but it's too late for me not to get in too deep. I'll see you later."

Lew watched her go and then glanced around making eye contact with Speirs who'd been watching them. Lew didn't break eye contact but shook his head. The man was going to crush her again, but this time she might not recover.

****

_France-1945_

"Well now isn't this just a lovely little place, minus the war." Kris rolled her eyes as she mumbled to Roe.

Roe laughed, "yeah, well could be worse, at least here we might be in a building."

"Hmm, good point, however I have a feeling that the Germans are trying to knock all the building down so back to my point, lovely little place." Glancing over the truck she frowned, "hey does anyone here know where we are?"

Roe shrugged, "somewhere in France and close to Germany, don't think it matters more than that."

Kris shrugged at looked at the back of the truck, a frown marring her face. "Hey, isn't that Webster?"

They all turned to look at the man in question as he paused at the back of the truck and began to talk to Don. Everyone unloaded at a few of the men made comments that Webster had finally showed up months after being wounded but Kris pushed past them. Sometimes men could act like children rather than the adults they were.

Roe, Spina and she finally found a small area they could use for an aid station as well as sleeping. Since both men looked worn down she grabbed the packet Roe had in his hand. "Look, you guys rack out for a while, I'll take this up to Lipton. Who knows I might even get him to take it."

Spina laughed and dropped on the small bed and stretched out, "yeah Gene, let her go, she probably does have a better chance than us. She's prettier."

Doc snorted but agreed and headed over to the other small bed and was asleep before he even completely stretched out. Closing the door behind her, she headed across the street trying not to dive into the dirt every time a shell landed. None of them had been very close and it would appear that the Germans weren't trying nearly as hard to kill them as they had in the past. Maybe they were just as tired of the war as they were.

Walking into the building housing the CP, she had to admit Luz had done well. The house at one time had apparently belonged to a well to do family home; it now provided a comfortable area for the sickest member of the staff, Lipton.

Sitting next to his legs on the couch, she gave him a smile and handed him the packet from Roe. "Take it Lip, I mean it; I'm not leaving till you do."

Luz handed them both coffee and patted Lipton on the shoulder, "I'd do what the lady says Lip, I hear she can be death with a needle." Giving her a wink he head back over to finish unpacking boxes.

"Thanks Kris. So how are you doing, I've not seen you around in a while?"

She shrugged, "I'm fine, just keeping busy, uh is Captain Speirs around?" She tried to keep the hopefulness out of her voice, but when she saw Lip smile she knew she'd failed.

"Yeah, he's in the back, rounding up loot again. Why don't you go say hello."

Patting his leg, she stood and walk down the hallway he'd indicated. She could hear someone mumbling and metal banging together. Following the sound, she found him bent over trying to collect everything in one small group. "Well I see you've been a busy boy."

The sound of a dropping silver tea service made her wince and him curse. "Damn it Kris, could you try not to startle me." He gave her a menacing look that quickly dissolved into a smile. Opening his arms her motioned her over, "come here baby, let me hold you for a minute."

As his arms wrapped around her she sighed and relaxed into his chest. This was the first chance they'd had since Belgium to be alone. She was still reluctant to let too many people know they were together, so the chance she'd taken to see him wasn't lost on him. He dropped a kiss on her head and pulled her tighter. "I've missed you; maybe you could sneak back later tonight? I have to admit your kisses are something to risk death for."

She leaned back in his arms and smiled up at him, "hmm, well maybe I'll do that. What exactly did you have in mind?"

Bending his head he pressed his lips softly to hers, tasting her for a brief moment. "Well I was thinking that you and I could spend the night together somewhere more comfortable that a stone bench outside a cemetery."

Jerking away from him, she stepped towards the door wrapping her arms around her waist. Part of her was screaming to do it, get back into his bed, but the part that was still hurting couldn't let him that close again, the wound was still too raw. "Really, that's what you were thinking? Let me ask you something Ron that stuff piled at your feet where's it going?"

The warm look on his face quickly dissolved into something dark, "where do you think its going? Damn it I thought you understood. We've talked about this, and I meant what I said in Belgium, after the war things will be different."

Dropping her head she sighed, "I do understand, probably better than you realize. I'll see you later Ron." Stepping out she quickly hurried to the front room calling out to Lipton and Luz on her way by. She was in such a hurry she nearly ran down Dick and Lew who were hurrying inside. Lew glanced at her face and frowned. As he reached for her arm, she managed to avoid him and quickly head back to where she was staying. The last thing she wanted to do was admit she'd nearly fallen back into bed with Ron.

xxxxxxxxx

"Hey Gene, did you hear, they are going to cross the river tonight and conduct some patrol looking for prisoners. Can you believe this? Here we are this close to the end and they want to cross the river." Spina shook his head and sat down next to Kris. "Yeah and on top of that, they've picked Don to lead it."

Kris's head jerked up, "Don? Are you serious? He's not ready for that, he's still shaken over Buck and oh this can't be happening."

Spina shook his head, "well he might not be ready but you can trust its happening. Speirs made the decision this morning after they pulled Martin off. Too bad they don't send that new Lieutenant, he seems eager enough."

Kris sat silently as the two men traded thoughts on the upcoming patrol. So Ron had made the decision, that gave her some leverage or at least she thought it did. Maybe if she talked to him and told him how close to the edge Don was he would change his mind. Making up her mind she jumped to her feet, "I'll see you guys later. Uh, Spina did you happen to see Speirs before you came in?"

"Yeah he's with Winters down my the river, probably still there."

Nodding she headed for the river. It was a long shot to try and change Ron's mind and with him not being happy with her right now it might be completely useless, but she had to try.

By the time she made it to the river, Ron and Dick were finishing their conversation and Dick headed back off to battalion, leaving Ron alone staring out over the river. Walking up beside him, she paused and waited for him to say something. When his eyes finally turned to her, she had to suppress the shiver. He wasn't happy with her.

"Ron I know you aren't happy with me right now, but I have something to ask you?"

He sighed and dropped his head, "I never said I wasn't happy with you, you just, you don't trust me and I guess I feel like you won't let me close and your way of keeping me away is my wife."

"Well gee Ron, what other reason is there but your wife and you ability to be a complete jerk towards me, you still expect me to fall at your feet. That's just not going to happen." She took a deep breath and calmed herself. "Look, I'm not here to fight with you or talk about us. I'm here to ask you for a favor."

His eyes narrowed and he reached for his cigarettes before answering, "fine we won't talk about us, what do you want?"

"I want you to pull Don from the patrol tonight. He's near the edge and I just don't think he'll handle it very well if something goes wrong. Please, send the Lieutenant and another sergeant. Please Ron, I'm begging you."

He was silent for a moment. He couldn't understand how she could beg for a favor for another man but wouldn't even spend the time with him he asked for. Drawing in a deep breath, he turned to her. "Fine, I'll send someone else on one condition?" 

"Alright, what's the condition?"

Her eyes held suspicion and mistrust, almost as if she knew what he was going to ask. "The condition is you spend the night in my bed." He held up his hand, "and before you start screaming at me, all I want is to hold you and sleep with you, that's all. I miss you Kris and for this small time I'd like to have you in my arms."

She shook her head, "wow blackmail, nice. Fine whatever it takes to get Don off this patrol. When should I arrive?"

He smiled and ran his finger across her cheek. "Come on, will it be so bad to be held in my arms for one night?" 

She smacked his hand away, "yes. Especially the way you're doing it, see you later Ron."

He watched her walk away with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He'd seized the opportunity presented him and he wasn't going back, still that sinking feeling in his gut told him that he may have pushed her trust in him further out of reach rather than drawing her closer.

xxxxxxxxx

She stopped outside the door and tried to wipe her hands on her uniform again. She'd managed to transfer most of the blood from her hands to her uniform. Laying her head against the wall, she closed her eyes and tried not to think about Jackson. She and Gene had tried so hard, but they both had known it was useless the minute they saw him. She was so tired of men dying around her. She felt the hands lightly press on her shoulders. She didn't have to turn, she knew who it was, after all she was standing outside his door.

"Stop thinking about it, you did all you could do and men die. Now come on, let's go in."

He pushed the door open with one hand and pushed her inside with the other. Continuing to control her with one hand he led her to a chair and pushed her down. "Now stay there for a minute."

Moving over to a candle, he lit it and dropped on the bed closing his eyes. "I'm sorry Kris; I should have never done this. You are free to leave; I was just so desperate to be with you that I keep doing things to drive you further away."

She'd been studying her hands, but when he said she could leave her eyes had jerked up to stare at him. He'd not opened his eyes and she was glad. He'd have seen too much and she wasn't ready for that. Standing she took two steps watching him and cringed when she saw him wince at the sound of her boots crossing the floor. He'd just assumed she was leaving. Crossing to the bed, she stood beside him looking down. The fact he'd released her warmed her heart. She wanted to be here with him and now…leaning down she caressed his lips with hers, using her tongue to caress his.

Pulling back from him, she began to undress. His eyes watched her as each piece of clothing was removed until she was only in her underwear. Smiling at him, she crawled across his body and beneath the covers next to him. "Don't you think you're a little over dress for bed." She wanted to laugh at the speed he removed his clothing and joined her in the bed, immediately pulling her into his side. Dropping her head, she kissed his chest and laid her head on his shoulder. Closing her eyes, she felt him take down her hair and slowly massage her scalp. If she'd been a cat she'd have purred, but instead she took a deep breath and relaxed into sleep.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey Kris, I've got something for you?"

Reaching down she took the letter from Vest and sat back in the truck. Flipping the letter over she was surprised to see it was from Buck. Ripping it open, she quickly scanned the letter, the frown lines appearing between her brows.

"Kris what's wrong, you don't look too happy for someone who just got a letter?"

She quickly folded the letter and shoved it in her pocket. "No I'm fine just…distracted, I'll read it later."

When Gene nodded and leaned, back to close his eyes she rubbed her hand across the pocket holding the letter. She'd most definitely been distracted, Buck never failed to do that to her, but now with this letter. Looking around she tried to spot Ron and not seeing him, she relaxed. It was better he never found out about the letter, nothing good could come from it.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

_Stuzelberg-1945_

"Dick have you seen Lew? I've looked everywhere and can't find him."

Dick looked up from his paperwork, a never-ending position for him or so it seemed. "Uh, I don't think he's back yet, but I'll let him know you were looking for him."

Kris sighed, "okay you do that. I'll see you later Dick." Turning she headed back across the street to the aid station. Ever since the letter for Buck had arrived, she'd stayed as far from Ron as she could. The words and thoughts in the letter made her feel like she was cheating, yet she was sure who exactly she was cheating on. Smiling she sat on the bench and watched the world go by and remembered the last time she'd been with Ron.

_The sun wasn't up yet and the pale light coming in the room was only bright enough to indicate dawn wasn't far off. She could feel his arm across her waist his warm body pressed against her back. For the first time in a long time, she relaxed against him, wanting to hold these last few peaceful minutes._

_ The caress was so soft at first she thought she was dreaming it, until deft fingers slid up her stomach and caressed the underside of her breast through her bra. His warm lips began a slow caress of her shoulder, every movement bring it closer to her neck. "Ron what are you doing?"_

_ "Shh, dreaming, in dreams there is no talking." His warm breath on the back of her neck sent shivers down her spine. She could feel his hardness pressed against her butt, slowly grinding against her._

_ She had to admit, it was hard to lay and let him stroke her while remaining detached. Sighing she rolled in his arms and wrapped herself around him, draping one leg over his hip allowing them to press closer. His hand reached down to caress her butt pulling her tighter into his hips._

_ When his lips covered hers, she sighed into his mouth. This is what she missed, the caress of his hands, and the feel of his body next to hers. It was only natural that he roll on top of her, pressing her deeper into the mattress._

_ "Please, Kris," he ground his hips into hers, "let me."_

_ Her body craved him; every fiber of her wanted him inside her, to feel the slide of his body against hers. She arched her back pressing closer to him it would be so easy to spend a pleasurable morning making love to him. Her eyes popped open and she pushed hard at his chest._

_ "Get off me Ron; I knew you couldn't be trusted." She wiggled her way from beneath him and quickly began to grab clothing and put it on. "I knew you'd find a way to make me forget and I would have except to me it's not fucking its making love and…and…oh forget it."_

_ His hand had wrapped around her upper arm pulling her closer to the bed, his dark eyes no longer filled with passion but anger. "What do I have to do to prove myself to you? I've told you I love you, I've told you I want you, can't you forget what happened in England?"_

_ Her eyes filled with tears and she swiped them away, "I could forgive England, some day, but you just want me to forget the hurt and pain don't you? It's not that easy, can we please just try and trust each other before we jump back into bed? Don't you understand, I gave you my heart and you crushed it, all because you thought you knew what was good for me, how can I so easily give it to you again?"_

_ She watched his eyes drop from hers and his hand slide away. "Alright, I know you're right, I'll try to give you more time, but remember I love you and all I'm asking for is a chance."_

Someone kicking her foot brought her out of her daydream to see Dick continue on his way as if he'd never felt her. Frowning she jumped to her feet calling his name. Half a block later she caught his arm, "Dick, didn't you hear me, I was calling your name." The fuzzy look in his eyes caused her concern to escalate. "Dick, what's happened?"

The only show of frustration was his hand going through his hair. "I'm sorry Kris; guess I'm a little distracted. Uh, Lew's back by the way and he's not doing so hot. Right now he's sitting around drinking and feeling sorry for himself because he has to write some letters."

"Okay maybe I'm missing something, that doesn't sound like Lew. Did the jump go bad?"

"Yeah, he was one of three that survived when the plane exploded and now he's responsible for writing the letters home to the families. I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on him, it's just…well I don't know what I'm trying to say."

"It's okay Dick, I understand, you don't know what to do for him when he's like this and well, knowing Lew, he's not listening. Look I'll try and maybe see where I get."

The look of calmness that came over Dick's face was almost funny. "That would be great, thanks." Leaning in he kissed her on the cheek, the blush creeping into his face. "I'm not going to get killed for doing that am I?"

She slapped him on the chest, "no and I have no idea where that person is and really don't care. I'll stop by later after I deal with Lew." Turning she headed to the building where the officers were staying trying desperately to think of some way to make Lew feel better that didn't involve Vat 69.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Lew where are you?" The front room was empty except for bottles that based on their current position no longer contained any liquid. She wasn't sure if he'd managed to go through that much in a short time or if he'd just been looking for alcohol and had knocked the empty bottles over. When she heard glass break in the back quickly followed by cursing, she knew exactly where to find him.

Peeking around the door, she found him picking up the pieces of glass. "Lew let me do that before you…"

"Ow, shit that hurt. Damn it woman do I need to put a bell on you."

He tried to stand only to stagger back into the bureau behind him causing her to wince. Moving to his side, she grabbed the hand that was bleeding and carefully led him to the closest chair pushing him down. "I'm sorry, but I'm not the one trying to pick up broken glass when I'm drunk. Now stay still while I get something to wrap around this."

Grabbing up a t-shirt she wrapped it around his hand, picked up his other, and told him to hold tight to stop the bleeding. Moving to where the glass was she slowly started to pick it up, "Lew why are you trying to drink your problems away? I mean seriously, you still have to write those letters and well, I think it's something better done sober."

He snorted behind her, "yeah well says you, you don't have to write them." The words seemed to tire him and he leaned back slouching further down in the chair. "I know you're right, I know Dick's right, but I just can't deal with it right now."

Dropping the glass into the trash, she moved to stand in front of him unwrapping the t-shirt from his hand, "good, the bleeding's stopped and no stitches required. Lew I know it's hard, I'll help if you want."

She'd not been paying attention to his face and missed the look of regret that passed through his eyes. "Let me asking you something Kris, does that jerk know what he almost lost?"

Her eyes jerked from his hand to his face and she smiled, "no but he will. It's going a little better."

His non-committal grunt caused her to lift an eyebrow and then look back down at his hand. "It really is I promise and I'm just not falling into line like he'd want and well, I don't know."

Lew's smirk slowly slipped into place, "ah well then, there should be no issue with me doing this." Giving a hard tug on her hand, she dropped into his lap with a small squeak that was quickly drowned out by his lips covering hers in what couldn't be mistaken for a friendly thank you kiss.

Once she recovered from the shock of being pulled into his lap and kissed she gave a momentary thought to how good he did kiss only to have that thought replaced with anger. Pushing hard against his chest she was able to wiggle free of his lap and stood glaring down at him. "What the hell was that Lew? I swear to God, now you've joined the groups of stupid men that want nothing but sex from me? Please don't you think I've enough going on without you adding to it? Jesus Lew, what the hell."

Lew ran his uninjured hand through his hair and had the good grace to drop his eyes and blush. "Damn Kris I'm really sorry and you're right you do have enough going on and well to be honest I have no idea what I was thinking, other than you've a very kissable mouth." He glanced up from under his lashes and gave her a small grin. When he saw she wasn't smiling he wiped the grin from his face, "oh come on Kris, don't be mad at me, I honestly didn't mean to insult you or anything like that."

Kris crossed her arms across her chest and sighed, "and to think that I came here to talk to you out of concern for your welfare only to have you pull me into your lap like a common hussy." She really wasn't mad but he deserved to squirm for this one. She watched as he face paled and he started to sweat. She couldn't hold back the laughter any longer, "okay Lew what's wrong?"

He swallowed hard and tried to compose himself, "Oh God, don't tell Ron. I know he'll kill me if he ever found out."

She laughed at the expression on his face. "Ron, you're worried about what Ron will do if he finds out? You men are unbelievable, the man has no rights to me, regardless of what you and he thinks, however that being said, I won't tell him."

He relaxed back in the chair, "well thank God for that. The Germans trying to kill me was enough, I don't need to worry about one of my own. Okay miss helpful, grab some paper and a pen, you write, I'll dictate."

She went over to the desk to sit and pull out the items she would need laughing at him, "wow, no one would have ever guessed you were rich, now I'm your secretary as well as your nurse." Turning she grinned over her shoulder at him, "you know this means I want a raise."

_Landsburg-1945_

"Oh my God Gene, what is this place?" Kris didn't even realize that she was grabbing Gene's arm. The men had been silent on the ride through the forest. Being trucked out to an unknown destination sent chilling reminders of Bastogne, the men of Easy had learned to fear the unknown.

Beside her Gene stood and looked over the top of the truck as the men began to unload around them. "I don't know, but I'm sure were going to be needed." Turning he hopped down from the truck and waited to help her down.

As they walked further into the camp neither one of them even knew where to begin. All the men walking past them were so underfed that they gave the appearance of skeletons with skin. They had stopped to watch them when one man stopped in front of her and wrapped his frail arms around her.

Neither she nor Gene could make out what he said, the tears chocking the man's throat couple with the German all she could do was wrap her arms around him and hold on.

"He thinks you're his daughter."

She looked over the man's shoulder to see Joe standing there torn between anger and pity. "Oh okay, can we try to get him walking again?"

Joe spoke softly to the man holding her and gradually his hold released and he kissed her cheek. He spoke again and turned to follow the rest of the men toward the now open gate. Turning her puzzled gaze to Joe, he caught her staring and sighed.

"He said he realized you weren't his daughter, but for the one moment he wanted to hope that God had spared her life. Uh, I need to get back up front, you two will be okay right?"

"Sure Joe, we're fine. Go do what you need to. Come on Gene, let's see if there is anyone we can help right now."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

She wasn't sure how long they had been treating the walking wounded. Most need penicillin for infections to small wounds that had become life threatening. Her back was aching and to be truthful, she'd never been more depressed in her life.

"Kris, come on let's go."

She tore her eyes away from the wound she was treating to see Ron standing over her a frown marring his features. "I can't, don't you understand, the jobs not done."

He reached down and pulled her to her feet, "for you the jobs done, you've done enough."

She allowed herself to be drug outside the camp gates and towards a jeep before jerking her arm away from him. "Who the hell do you think you are coming in there and pulling me away from my job?"

He could almost feel the anger coming off her, heating the air around him. Shaking his head, he gave in to his own anger, tired of fighting her every step. "Well first Lieutenant, I'm pretty sure the Army made me commanding officer of this company, so ergo, you're commander. I get to decide where and when you go and do things. Second, I'm the man who loves you, I can see the strain on your face, and I'll not allow you to stay here any longer. Does that answer your question?"

Growling in her throat, she hoped into the seat and pulled her bag into her lap. "Oh that more than answers the question Captain."

They rode together in silence back into town, neither of them willing to give. When the jeep rolled to a stop, she quickly moved to jump out only to be stilled by his hand grabbing her arm. "Don't do this Kris; I'm so tired of fighting. You fight me on everything, even the simplest question. Can't you just accept the fact that I care and let it go?"

Sighing she sat back down in the seat and looked at him. "Ron, I could accept it a lot better if you didn't try to control me. My God you confuse me, one minute I don't exist or I'm not enough for you and the next you're telling me how to run my life. I'll let you have the fact you care and want to look out for me if you'll accept the fact I have to do my job, even when it's something you don't like."

The smile he gave her nearly took her breath away. He'd not smiled at her like that in a very long time. "Okay sweetheart, I'll stop trying to control you if you'll just give me a little kiss and a smile."

Leaning in she wrapped her hand around his neck and pulled his lips into hers. Nothing in her kiss was sweet or easy; her tongue instantly demanded entrance and curled around his. The kiss was more a battle for dominance rather than an innocent kiss. Pulling away from him, she was breathing hard, her passion for him almost overriding her common sense. "Good night Ron."

Slipping out of the jeep, she ran inside and straight up the stairs, never pausing to see the look of pure desire that heated his face. He smirked as he thought about the next time he could get her alone. He'd show her that teasing a man was a dangerous thing to do.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

_Berchtesgaden-1945_

"Hmm, I wondered where you had walked off to. What, you wanted to enjoy the view in peace?"

Glancing over her shoulder she sighed, "well I didn't want to disturb you, you seemed like you were having a good time. Besides, maybe I did want some alone time."

Ron wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against him. "So does that mean you aren't happy to see me?"

She smiled and turned her head up to kiss his cheek, "nope, in fact I'd like to stay here most of the day. Amazing isn't it, that this home and that view were all done to please a madman."

"Yeah, well with the war winding down, it won't be long now till everything goes back to normal." He cleared his throat and pulled her tighter, "have you given any thought to life after the war ends?"

The smile she'd been wearing quickly changed into a frown and she turned to look back at the view. "No, I've not given it much thought. I suppose you'll be heading back to England?" When he didn't answer her she closed her eyes and tried to ignore the pain building in her chest. She'd known the answer and at that moment she didn't know if she could bear to hear the words from his lips.

"Come on Kris, I want to show you something." He pulled her into his side and escorted her back into the house. There was a solitary room in the back and with most of the men down raiding the liquor; he knew they wouldn't be bothered. He'd felt her body tense at the question of England and he knew exactly what she was thinking. He wanted to tell her she was wrong, he wanted to fall at her feet and beg for her hand, but he knew none of that would be possible, at least not yet. He would have to return to England, there still was that small matter of a wife he had to deal with.

Turning her in his arms, he cupped her face between her hands, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Kris, I know there are still so many things left between us that need to be answered and I can't answer them right now, but what I'm asking for is the two of us to be together, right here and now with no outside cares or worries."

She exhaled in a stuttering breath. Here were the words she been longing to hear, them together, even if it was just for this moment in time. To be close to him and cared for as if she was the only thing that mattered to him. Smiling she rose on her toes pressing her lips against his. She'd let that be her answer to his question.

At the first touch of her lips, Ron released her face and wrapped his arms around her body pulling hers flush with his. The taste of her was more potent that any drink Nixon had ever offered, he could feel himself losing what little control he had. He'd wanted her for too long and now finally she was here, alive and willing in his arms. Sliding his hands around he made quick work of first her shirt then his, his desire to feel her skin caressing his was too much and he began to walk her back towards the bed.

She felt something at the back of her knees and sat, Ron's lips never separating from hers. Even though she knew that falling back into bed with him was the worst thing she could do, her body told the voice to shut up. Reaching between them she quickly undid his belt and slid her hand inside his boxers caressing him softly. He lifted his lips from hers and hissed in pleasure. Smiling up at him, she ran a hand down his chest, never stopping the soft caress of his cock. "Is this what you want?" She tightened her grip slightly, his eyes popped open, and his hand wrapped around hers.

"Oh that's definitely what I want, but I think we are both overdressed. Come on sweetheart, I want to see you naked."

Giving him a smirk she stood and removed the rest of her clothes, her eyes never leaving his body as he revealed it to her a piece at a time. Grabbing his hand, she pulled him down on the bed with her, straddling his hips. "Hmm, Captain Speirs, I do believe that I have you in my power. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Well it's nice to be here and I think I'll throw myself on your tender mercies. What exactly did you have in mind?" His eyes had darkened in response to the passion he was feeling. He caressed her thighs relishing the softness of her skin, wrapping around her tiny waist. He'd know she'd lost weight, but until this moment he didn't realize how thin she'd become. As his hands covered her breast and her nipples hardened against his palms, he knew she'd never looked more beautiful to him.

Her eyes never left his as she lightly ran her nails down his chest feeling him shiver in response. She felt his arousal twitch at her back, leaning down she licked and nipped at his nipple, causing him to groan. Touching him and having him touch; was the most wonderful feeling in the world. She slowly kissed down the center of his chest, moving lower onto his stomach, her hands caressing his sides.

When her lips stopped just above his erection, she smiled against his skin. Slowly her mouth closed over him and she began to suck and stoke him with her tongue.

Her mouth stoking him was about to drive him insane. He knew that if she continued he'd not be able to stop. "Kris, if I beg or promise you the world, could we stop teasing me? I get to have my fun don't I?" Not waiting for an answer he flipped her over, using his body to spread her legs, leaving her open to his view as well as his touch. Lowering his head, he took her nipple in his mouth, using his tongue to stroke the sensitive peak, drawing sighs of pleasure from her. Her nails scraped at his scalp, tugging at his hair, trying her best to pull him closer.

Reaching up he disengaged her hands from his hair and quickly slid down her body and out of her reach. Using one finger he stroked down through the wetness coating her, groaning as her hips arched up for more of his touch. Groaning he replaced his finger with his tongue, stoking her, tasting her. He wanted nothing more than to bring her to the peak of pleasure before using his finger to push her over.

She felt like she was coming apart. The feel of his tongue caressing the most sensitive part of her, his finger inside her working to bring her to a climax, as the pressure began to build he increased his tempo, another finger joining the first, stretching tissue long since ignore. "Please Ron; please I'm so close don't stop." When her climax came, she saw stars, literally, the pleasure leaving every muscle in her body the limp.

He slowly kissed her again, and then came to his knees between her legs. Gently he rubbed himself in the wetness between her legs. "Baby, I promise the next time will be slower, but I've missed you so much and I'm desperate to be inside you." He rubbed harder against her causing her to arch up into him, without any warning, he slid deep inside her relishing in the feel of her nails scoring his shoulders, the cry of pleasure that ripped from her throat.

He drove himself into her hard, surging, pushing harder as she cried out for more. "Come for me baby, one more time." She screamed his name, her insides clenching around him like a fist, the milking of his cock causing him to release deep inside her. Without withdrawing, he rolled to his back pulling her on top of him. Laying there rubbing her back he found himself at peace. Something about being with her and not just for sex gave him the calm he'd been searching for. She'd taken the worst he could be along with the best and still, even though she'd not said the word, he knew she still love him. He wanted to keep her; he just wasn't sure how he could.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Kris had been fortunate that when they'd returned to town she'd not run into anyone. Her hair was in disarray and her face and neck bore red chafe marks from Ron's beard. When she'd spied a glimpse of herself in a mirror she turned and slapped his chest. "Damn it Ron, now I have to go back into town like this. How exactly do I explain this?" Much to her aggravation he'd merely laughed and pulled her in for another breath stealing kiss.

Walking as quietly as she possibly could up the back stairs she made it to the floor she was staying on without incident and was just opening her door when a deep chuckle sounded from behind her.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? Hmm, you're looking a little windblown. I wasn't aware that the wind was blowing that hard, I mean come now, you're hair is a mess."

Lowering her forehead to lean against the door she silently cursed the day Ron Speirs was ever born. "Well hello to you too Lew, do you make it a habit of hiding in hallways and accosting people as they head into their rooms?" She saw he'd now moved to lean beside the doorframe. The minute she raised her head he'd see her face and neck.

"Oh no, not everyone, just certain female Lieutenants trying to sneak back in after an afternoon tryst. So how was it by the way?"

She jerked her head up and gave him a stare that should have sent him scurrying back to his room, but instead caused him to chuckle. "You are a terrible man Lewis Nixon and I'll not stand here and entertain your sick fantasies." She quickly unlocked the door and pushed it open, only to have him move in behind her and close the door for her, his grin never diminishing.

"Look, I know what he had planned; I was part of helping to clear everyone out of the area. I'm not asking for details, I was asking how things between you are."

Dropping onto the bed, she heaved a sigh, "well he's still married other than that, just peachy Lew. You know I got a letter from Buck before we left France. He begged me to forgive him and to let him have another chance. I don't know what to do?" Rubbing her tired eyes, she laid back on the bed with her eyes closed. She could hear Lew moving closer to the bed and felt his weight shift the bed as he sat down.

"So he sent a letter, forgive the man and go on with life?"

She turned her head to look at him, "if it was only that easy, here you read it?" Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the worn paper and handed it to Lew. When he finally gave a low whistle she sighed, "see what I mean." Taking the letter, she tossed it on the nightstand.

"Well I guess I can see your point now. He is sorry for what he said and all he's asking for is your forgiveness and another chance. So how do you feel about that?"

"See there's the problem with this; I don't know how I feel. Part of me wants to forgive him. I mean I hurt him by going with Ron, then getting pregnant, but another part can't forgive some of what he said. I don't know what to do Lew."

He nodded his head and patted her on the leg as he stood. "Well sweetheart, whatever you do I wouldn't let Ron know about that letter, hell he's insecure enough about you as it is."

She rolled her eyes, "please that man is not insecure about me, or losing me. Hell he's still married and I've not see any change to that status."

Lew hummed as he headed for the door, "look trust me, just do what I said. But you're going to have to decide something soon, the war can't last forever."

Raising her head, she looked at the closed door and groaned. Lew was right, the war wasn't going to last forever and she had to do something. Dropping her head, she stared at the ceiling not really focused on anything. The fuzziness in her brain a clear indication she was tired, well maybe a nap would help, then she could think about her future with a clear head. Rolling to her side, she was asleep the minute her eyes closed.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Ron couldn't help the smile on his face as he headed upstairs to Kris's room. The afternoon had been wonderful and he was looking forward to a repeat tonight, but this time he could stay the night, hold her in his arms. Walking softly down the hallway he paused every few feet to test for noise. Nixon knew they were together, having been a huge help today, but he wasn't sure if Kris was ready for the remainder of the company to know just yet. Opening her door he paused again to check the hallway before slipping inside.

The room was dark and he could just make out a lump on the bed. Blindly he found his way to the bedside table and managed to light the candle without burning his fingers. She was curled up in a small ball with her arm under her head as a pillow. Her hair standing up in places from having been laid on earlier. Smiling down at her he moved to take off his boots when the paper on the table by the candle caught his attention.

He immediately saw it was a letter addressed to her and knew he shouldn't read it, but the handwriting was too masculine. Something wasn't right about the letter, she never spoken about having any male relatives. As he picked up the letter his eyes quickly flashed to the bottom to see who'd signed it, seeing the name he felt his blood freeze in his veins; Buck.

Quickly moving back to the top he scanned down the letter his jaw clenching at every line he passed. _I'm sorry Kris, I loved you too much….forgive my stupid actions in Bastogne, you're might life…give me that one last chance I can make you happy…you'll love California and I'll always be there to take care of you…_

He slowly laid the letter back on the table, staring at it as if it might come to life at any second. The date on the letter had been prior to Haguenau; did that mean she'd had it all this time? He'd done everything to beg her forgiveness, he'd done everything to prove he was the right man. She'd never given him any indication that someone else might be in the game as well. Looking back down on her he left, anger growing, festering inside him. There was no way she was going to hurt him like this, he'd make her see her error, he'd push her away before she could see the hurt she'd caused him.

Turning he strode from the room unconcerned if he woke her or not, slamming the door behind him. Nixon was coming up the stairs and stopped him before he could escape, when he'd asked what was wrong, Ron jerked his arm out of his grasp and told him to mind his own business. They'd all see soon enough that Ronald Speirs was no ones fool.

He could start being really mean towards Kris trying to push her away sort of since he would probably think that Buck is trying to get back with her. And then when she finally asks him what his problem is and he tells her he could say something like, "I don't want to lose you again. I know you don't believe me, but it almost killed me having to push you away and hurt you the way I did. Please just give me a chance to make it up to you. Don't go back to him."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

_London-2009_

"Sam I was just thinking that maybe we should sit down and talk to our grandparents about this. I mean after all we've been keeping this kind of a secret for the last few weeks."

Jay had propped up on his elbow beside her in bed. Rolling her eyes, she rolled to her side to face him. "Yes well I guess we should, how do you think Buck will take it, you know you thinking about marrying a Speirs?" Her voice held amusement even if her eyes were flat calm.

Jay laughed and leaned in to kiss her on the tip of her nose, "you know I don't think he's going to be all that upset. After all, you do have a lot of your grandmother in you now don't you? Besides, in the end us being happy together is all that matters and I want you to be happy."

Sam sighed, she was happy. Jay made her laugh; he understood her and most of all he was her friend. She not come with Nana, expect to find love, but this was just another case of how strange life could be. "Okay, we'll do it tonight. They aren't going anywhere today, not with Nana having that cold, so we'll go to dinner and we'll tell them."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kris gave Buck a glance, there was something going on. Both their grandchildren had decided to they needed them at dinner tonight and as of yet neither of them had shown up. Kris sighed and glanced around the room, "okay I give up, what's going on?"

Buck snorted, "what makes you think I know any more than I do? After all, I've been trapped day after day telling my part of this story. Which leads me to the next question, are you going to tell everything Kris?"

She nibbled her lower lip, "I've not given it much thought, but I think I'll just wrap it all up in a neat package, no one except us needs to know everything."

He nodded and glance at the door to see Sam and Jay walk in together with their arms wrapped around each other. "Well I would agree with that, but I think there is something else you might want to consider."

She raised her eyebrows and glanced at the door to watch them walk across the room. "Hmm, maybe you're right. But if I do this, we do it tonight and we never speak of it again. It's the past and there is no reason to rehash old ground, it will do no good."

"I don't have a problem with that." He turned to smile at the couple that had just joined them, "well about time the two of you showed up, I would ask what took you so long but somehow I don't think I want to know."

Sam blushed and sat down, "no you don't, Jay I think you should order the champagne now."

Kris lifted a brow, "champagne is it? Well I told you Buck, there is something going on here, something that I have a strong feeling was done behind our backs." She narrowed her eyes and stared hard at her granddaughter. When the woman began to squirm under her gaze, she snorted. "Never could keep the guilt from your face missy, so let's hear it, what have the two of you done?"

Jay reached for Sam's hand and cleared his throat. "Well you see Kris, I know that there are certain protocols I should adhere to but with no father or grandfather in Sam's life I thought just doing this would be appropriate as well."

Kris tapped her nails of the table, "well I can see you've gotten the Compton gift of gab, get on with it boy, spit out what it is your trying to say."

When she saw that Jay had become flustered Sam growled, "oh dear heaven don't let her scare you, fine Nana, since you are so impatient. We're getting married in the fall. Now any comments from the two of you, or do we toast and drink champagne now?"

Kris and Buck stared at each other. Kris could tell by the look on his face he didn't know what to say any more than she did. Clearing her throat she looked at the two young people across from her, "well I'm not sure what to say. I mean you've only known each other for a few months and well, you're both so young."

Sam tapped the table with her finger, "Nana, we're older than you were when you started you're little love fest with Buck here and you know, I think I know my own mind and really don't need your permission."

Buck reached for Sam's hand drawing her attention away from the staring contest she was having with Kris. "Sam, we are happy for you and Jay, but you can't blame us for the concern we have. Kris and I made so many mistakes; we just want you to be sure this is what the two of you want."

Sam let Buck continue to hold her hand as her eyes shifted to Jay. "I've never been so sure of anything in my life." Looking back across the table at Kris she felt the fight drain out of her at the sadness she saw there. "Nana, please can't you be happy for us? You married the love of your life and were happy, why can't I as well?"

Kris rubbed her hand across her eyes and sighed, "I'm happy for you and I'm glad you love him and he loves you. I just worry, life is so hard sometimes."

Jay looked between Buck and Kris frowning, "okay are we missing something here? Granddad I really thought you would be happy."

"I'm happy Jay, I guess all this talk of weddings and well the talk about the war…well Kris and I were talking about that before you came in and we've decided that we're not going to tell anyone what really happened there at the end. Well at least not past that letter, your grandfather found Sam. However we're going to tell the two of you how it really all ended and then maybe you'll understand our concerns over how young and foolish decisions can change a lifetime."

"Nana, are you okay, you don't look so good?"

Kris looked at her granddaughter, her beautiful granddaughter that had always made her and Ron so proud. "I'm fine darling and truly I'm happy for both of you I think I was just pushing my insecurities and fears on you. Well I guess maybe we should have that champagne and toast the happy couple."

She watched the smile finally return to Sam's face, the champagne flowed, and toasts made. Kris wanted to so badly to be happy and she knew that she was just so fearful of Sam's life taking a negative turn that she wouldn't let herself enjoy the moment.

"So Nana, Buck tells me that you aren't going to finish the rest of the story about you and Poppy, why not?"

Kris waved her hand at Sam, "because what happened after that letter can be summed up for Adie very easily, we overcame our disagreements and well we married and here you are the end. Why should I go into all the painful details?"

Sam lifted her brow, "what if I told you I wanted to know?"

Kris and Buck exchanged looks and Buck laughed, "see I told you she wouldn't let it go."

Kris leaned back in the chair and stared at her granddaughter for a moment before finally nodding in agreement, "alright then, I believe that I left off with the letter…"

****

_Berchtesgaden-1945_

Rolling over she tried to bury her face under the pillow to block out the sun only to find that the pillow was missing. Squinting her eyes, she finally pushed herself up onto one elbow and looked around. She'd fallen asleep with all her clothes on in the middle of the bed. Sighing she dropped back down and closed her eyes. She'd thought Ron was coming by last night, but he must have gotten called away. Smiling she slid off the bed and decided that maybe she'd give him a little surprise this morning.

She finally tracked him down inside the room he was using for his office; the floor was littered with loot he'd managed to find. Looking at all of it, she felt that shiver of unease go down her spine. He'd been with her most of the day yesterday so when did he find time to dig all this up. Shrugging off the feeling, she walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek only to have him jerk away from her. His eyes like burning embers of coal when he looked up at her.

"What do you want Kris can't you see I'm busy?" His voice held little warmth and if she guessed correctly, he wasn't all that happy to see her.

"Uh, well since you didn't come by last night, I wanted to see if you could spend some time together today?" She tried to sound positive and she held hope deep inside that he would throw out work and just be with her.

"No, I don't have time, besides since when have you wanted to be seen with me? Now if you don't mind, get out." He quickly looked back down at the paper he'd been reading with he saw the tears well in her eyes. The look of hurt on her face shouldn't affect him this way, he shouldn't care, not after what he read.

"Ron, I don't understand? I thought that after yesterday…yet you spent last night looting the place rather than be with me?" She heard her voice quiver and she was desperately trying to hold it together. The confusion and pain were fighting a war inside her for which emotion would win. She had a strong feeling that the pain was about to win when he turned to stare at her with those flat emotionless eyes.

"What you expected me to come back for seconds? Well if I'd been aware that you were giving it away I might have returned, as it was, I felt me time was better spent gathering things for my wife." He watched her entire body flinch as if he'd slapped her. He knew the wife comment would hurt her he only hoped it would hurt her enough to push her away before he broke. There was no way he'd let her see the pain that letter was causing him.

Sniffling she wiped her eyes, "okay yeah I get it now, I'll leave you to your work." Turning she fled from the room and ran unseeing down the street. How could she have been so stupid to let him in again? She was never going to learn that with him came nothing but pain and hurt. He'd told her just yesterday that he cared and wanted them to be together, obviously that only applied to that one afternoon. Throwing open her door she slammed it closed behind her, falling to the bed in a tear soaked heap. The pain in her chest was worse than anything she'd ever felt before, she was such a fool.

Nixon had heard the door across the hall slam and pulled himself out of the bed. A slamming door from Kris's room couldn't be good. Stepping across the hall he was about to knock when the sound of sobbing seeped from inside. Opening the door, he moved quickly to the bed pulling her into his lap. Damn Ron Speirs, what had he done to cause this level of emotion was beyond him but he was going to find out. As her sobs began to die off he lifted her head from his chest, "what did he do Kris?"

She told him the entire story and Nixon felt the heat of anger begin to build in him. Here was a woman any man in his right mind would love to have for his own and Speirs was throwing her way like used paper. "Shh, it's okay baby. You stay here; I'm going to have a little talk with Ron."

Kris grabbed his hand, "please don't Lew, let it go, it's my own stupid fault for believing or hoping to believe that he'd be different this time. Maybe it's for the best, he's still married and I was just leading myself down a path that would have been more painful later. I'm just going to stay here for a while, can you pull the blinds?"

Lew ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He didn't want to leave her here alone and as much as she didn't want him talking to Ron, well that was going to happen with or without her permission. "Sure doll, I'll be back later just close your eyes, it's all going to be okay I promise." Leaning in he kissed her forehead and moved to close the blinds. Closing the door softly behind him he allowed the growl he'd been holding in to escape. He felt terrible; here he'd been the one to talk her into giving Ron another chance and now this. Well he'd just see exactly why Ron had reverted back to being a bastard.

xxxxxxx

He didn't know how long he'd sat and stared at the doorway after she was gone. The minute she'd left it felt like all the light was gone from the room. Right now, he hated himself, but he hated her for leading him on, giving him hope and the entire time she'd had a letter from her long lost lover sitting in her pocket.

Picking up a silver saltshaker that was sitting on his desk, he hurled it against the way, trying for anything that would ease the crushing weight in his chest. Dropping his head into his hands, he knew that nothing would stop the pain, but having her back by his side.

"You know Ron, I could have sworn you were a smart man, I mean everything up until today gave me reason to believe that you were, but after what I've seen you have to be the world's biggest fool." Nixon leaned nonchalantly against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. That was the safest place for them, because right now he felt like physically hurting the man behind the desk.

"Jesus, what do you want Nixon, I'm not in the mood for your games." Ron tried to act impartial, to smooth on that facade of emotionless bastard he normally wore so well. One look at Nixon's face and he knew he'd failed.

Lew sighed and moved to the chair beside the desk, "you know you look miserable, so why don't you explain to me that after me convincing her you weren't an ass you go ahead and act like one."

Ron growled and got up to pace, "don't start Lew, and don't lecture me about how I should be treating her or any other woman, first you didn't see what I did. I know now, I know the truth; she's not been honest with either of us."

"What the hell are you talking about the woman doesn't have a dishonest bone in her body. In fact probably the last lie she told was to get into the Army, so do you want to explain why you feel that she's lied to both of us."

Ron stopped and leaned across the desk, "I saw the letter. Ah, I can see by your face you know exactly what letter I'm talking about. Well then, let me tell you that I'm not going to let her crush my soul like that. I want her away from me before she can hurt me anymore." He snapped his mouth closed the minute he realized what he'd just admitted to Nixon. Closing his eyes, all his anger gone, he slid back into his chair feeling defeated and alone.

Nixon shook his head, "well I take that back, you really are an idiot. That letter is just that a letter to her, one that she's never responded to. She wants you to idiot, why I personally have no idea, but she does and she wants you enough to keep taking this crap and coming back every time you fall at her feet and grovel, and let me tell you, you'll grovel over this one." Nixon shook his head and headed for the door, "well I don't know if you care of not, but she's in her room and if I were you, I'd get up there and try to find the words to win her back before she really starts to consider that letter."

Ron's head jerked up and all he saw was Nixon's retreating back. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew Lew had been right and he done another stupid thing that might have pushed her away for good. Closing his eyes, he tried to pull his emotions back under control before going to see her. He had no idea what it would take to fix the problem but somehow he hoped he'd find the right words.

He could start being really mean towards Kris trying to push her away sort of since he would probably think that Buck is trying to get back with her. And then when she finally asks him what his problem is and he tells her he could say something like, "I don't want to lose you again. I know you don't believe me, but it almost killed me having to push you away and hurt you the way I did. Please just give me a chance to make it up to you. Don't go back to him."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

_Berchtesgaden-1945_

She had no idea how long she'd been asleep, but it had been preferable to laying here with her heart ripped from her chest. Closing her eyes, she tried to think about what her next step was. The war was over and soon they would be going home, the problem was, she had no home. Rolling to her side, she decided that sleep would be better than thinking; besides, it was too hard to think when she hurt so badly.

She heard the creak of the door when it opened but refused to roll over, it was probably Nixon coming back to check on her. Taking it a deep breath, she slowly released it when she heard the door close. The gentle brush of a hand across her hair made her jump, "gees Nixon, I thought you'd stepped back out, I'm okay Lew, go to bed." She felt the bed move under his weight as he sat beside her. Heaving a sigh she rolled over, only to gasp when she saw who it was, "Ron why are you here? Did you not say all you need to say earlier?"

He remained quiet but picked up her hand and gently traced the bones with his thumb. Finally just as she was about to rip her hand away he spoke, "I'm not here to hurt you, I'm here to explain. I saw the letter Kris."

Kris turned her head away from him, she wasn't sure what she was feeling but anger was quickly winning over all else. "Well isn't that just something. You find a personal letter, take it upon yourself to read it and decide what is meant in there and oh forget it, forget you." She tried to turn her back on him but he wouldn't let her roll over.

"Don't you turn away from me, you faced me when I hurt you, then you can damn well face what I have to say now." Taking a deep breath, he slowly let it out. "I never meant to see the letter; it was lying out in the open last night when I came by. You were already asleep and just looked so tired I was going to leave until I saw it. I couldn't stop myself from picking it up and then when I read…" shaking his head he coughed to clear his throat, "when I read the words that he used and how much he wanted you back, I just freaked out."

Pushing away from him, she rolled off the bed opposite him and began to pace, tears rolling down her cheeks, but this time it was from anger and not hurt. "So you just decided that while freaking out you would crush what little heart I had left. God damn you, why do you do this to me? I tell you I love you and I try to show you that you are the only man I've ever wanted and on top of that, you are the only man I've ever been with, yet when you get the least bit insecure you take it out on me." She stopped in front of him and poked her finger in his chest, "well let me tell you something Ron, this is the last time. I'll forgive you and you and I will somehow get through this but don't ever do this to me again, I couldn't stand it. I've had more heartache than any one person should have in a life time."

He slowly wrapped his hand around the one she was poking him in the chest with and smiled up at her. "I don't want to lose you again. I know you don't believe me, but it almost killed me having to push you away and hurt you the way I did. Please just give me a chance to make it up to you. Don't go back to him."

She somehow found a way to smile through her tears, "I was never going back to him you idiot, you are the man I want, you are the man I love, no matter what happens at the end of all this, I'll always love you."

He pulled her into his lap and laid his cheek on her head. Closing his eyes, he felt that peace enter him, the one that always came when he held her. Standing he turned to lay her on the bed and then lay beside her pulling her back into his arms. He hated the way he felt right now. The fear curling inside his belly was something foreign and distasteful to him. He was going to lose her; he could feel it to the depth of his soul, either through his own stupid actions or through his situation. England hadn't faded, and even if he didn't want to admit it, getting rid of his wife was a problem.

"Ron, stop thinking and close your eyes, live for the now, not tomorrow." Her voice was muffled and sleepy. She sounded exhausted.

Bending he softly kissed her head and closed his eyes. She was right; living in the now was all he could do.

****

_Zell Am See-1945_

"So have you given any thoughts to what you will do after the war?" Nixon passed the bottle to Kris and waited. He knew she had been thinking and he wasn't sure if any of them went further than losing Ron.

Taking a drink, she shook her head, "well funny you should mention that. The one the thing I'm more than sure of is I never and I do mean never want to be a nurse again. This was not all it was cracked up to be."

He lifted a brow and smiled, "well then is there anything or any place you might like to be?"

"Hmm, not back in the south and well other than that…I guess anywhere doing anything, other than nursing would be fine." Closing her eyes, she leaned against the wall soaking up the warm Austrian sun.

They'd arrived a week ago and things had been pleasant here, plenty of warm food, hot showers and soft beds and Ron had been very attentive and charming what more could she want. She'd not realized the last thought was making her frown until Lew bumped her shoulder, "hey, what's wrong? That very serene look on your face disappeared, what were you thinking about?"

Shaking her head, she cracked an eye and smiled at him, "nothing really just giving a little serious thought to after the war." _Liar, more like giving serious thought to the idea that Ron will be leaving you soon is more like it._ She forced the smile and opened her eyes, "well why are you suddenly so interested in what I do after the war? Don't you have enough women waiting on you?"

"Well none as charming as you that's for sure, but no, I was wondering if you had any job offers. See I'm a man who recognizes talent and I enjoy keeping my friends close. I've offered Dick a job and well I'd like you to come along."

She laughed, "well exactly what would I be doing with your company? If it's an interesting offer I might be interested."

He smirked at the question, "you know that just raises all kinds of ideas in my head, however I'll need a secretary and I think you'd be a good fit. You already know me and all my vices and well I know how difficult you can be so…"

She hummed, "well so what you're really offering me is a position as your girl Friday or did I misunderstand?"

He chuckled, "oh you misunderstood. I secretary is just that, nine to five, weekends off, good pay, the pleasure of my company on a daily basis, what more could a woman want?"

She lifted a brow but remained silent. Yes what more could a woman want, this did provide her with work, and she did find Lew entertaining, however there was still the problem of Ron and what would become of them. Closing her eyes, she leaned back against the wall. "You know I'll think about it Lew, thanks for the offer."

Beside her, she heard him snort and mumble about her and Dick spending too much time thinking.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

She'd not seen Ron in the last two days or nights for that matter, and to be honest she was beginning to worry. Part of her knew he'd been extremely busy, what with men getting shipped home and then more Germans showing up to surrender. Oh and let's not forget Grant getting shot. That still sent chills down her spine when she thought of how close they'd come to losing him. She also in that one terrifying night realized something most of the men in Easy didn't; Ron truly cared for each of them.

He'd found her after dealing with the man who'd shot Grant, his body trembling with some unnamed emotion that brought tears to her eyes. He hadn't spoken simply sat next to her on the couch and laid his head in her lap, letting her run her fingers through his hair. As the trembling eased he'd spoken, his voice full of pain and unshed tears. He talked about how hard it had been not to shoot the man, but that something stopped him. Maybe it was the thought of killing yet another person or simply the fact that Grant lived, so therefore the man could live as well. She taken him to her bed, not speaking with words, but stroked his body and loved him until he'd fallen into a deep sleep.

Sighing she stretched her aching back, that had been two very long days ago. Picking up another box, she dumped the contents on the desk and began to repack and count the inventory, owing Dick an answer on supplies by tonight. She'd sent Gene off to relax, he'd done over half the room and she worked better alone any way.

"Well you are one of the hardest people to track down, I've been looking for you all morning and here I finally find you, trapped in a supply closest."

She was too lost in her own thoughts as well as the inventory to pay attention to her surroundings, so when the voice came from behind her she had to suppress the scream of fear that nearly ripped from her chest. Spinning she saw the one person she'd honestly never expected to see again; Buck Compton.

Throwing herself into his arms she let him hug her, spinning them around until he put her down, "oh my God you're here and you look so wonderful I just can't believe it."

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "Yeah well it took some fast talking but yeah I'm here, I wanted to see everyone in one place before people began to ship home. God you look good Kris, I can't begin to tell you how much I've missed you. Did you get my letter?"

Her smile dimmed slightly but she still managed to keep it in place, "yes and it was foolish of you to ask forgiveness, you'd never done anything wrong. None of what did or didn't happen was your fault; it's just the way things work out."

He stepped forward and took her hands in his; the smile on his face was almost glowing. He hadn't shifted his eyes away from hers but he'd caught the movement just over her head, there was no mistaking the silhouette in the door, it was now or never to break them apart. "I'm so glad you've forgave me Kris, I can't begin to tell you what it means to know that we can move forward from here. I know that the last few months with me gone have been hard on you and that you've turned to him for comfort, but now that you've accepted his never leaving his wife, we can make up for lost time. You're going to love California, I promise you."

She could only stand and stare, what was the appropriate response to all of that? Better yet what the hell was he talking about? Jerking her hands away from him, she took a long deep breath before speaking. "Uh, I'm confused, California? When did I ever say I'd go to California with you, or better yet, when did I say I'd given up on Ron? Buck, I'm waiting for him regardless if it takes forever, I'm sorry if you thought otherwise by something I'd said or did."

His smile only grew, "well maybe I mean I might have read between the lines, but you know give me a chance Kris. California is warm, I have big plans for the future, and Kris I want you there, there by my side. I know it may seem a little impetuous but I'd love for you to move there and let's see if we can work things out. You don't have to worry about money; I can take care of everything."

She dropped her head into her hands and laughed. Fate was a real bitch. First Ron was ignoring her again and now she had been offered the perfect life with the perfect all American boy. Oh she must have done something wrong in another life. Wiping the tears from her eyes she lifted her head to look at Buck, he's face wearing a look of confusion which made her laugh even harder. "Oh boy, you think you're confused, hell I just had Nixon offer me a job last week and now here you are on practically bended knee asking me to go to California with you even though you know I'm in love with another man. God this has to be the funniest situation I've ever been in."

Buck snorted, "well I'm glad to see that my offer strikes you as funny. I'm serious Kris, I do love you and I think if we got away from all this and away from him that we could be a good couple together." Holding up his hand, he waved off her next comments. "Look, just think about it, please, that's all I'm asking."

Heaving a sigh, she rolled her eyes, "fine I'll consider it. Now I need to finish this so unless you're willing to help…"

"Nope, other folks to see, I'll talk to you later gorgeous."

Watching Buck leave she couldn't help but find life strange. Most women would love to be with him, and he was a good man and would be a good husband, he just wasn't the type of man she saw spending the rest of her life with. Looking around the room she saw how much was left to inventory, sighing she realized that the hope she'd had of going to find Ron was going to have to wait, but there was always tonight.

xxxxxxxxxx

He pushed the last piece of paper across his desk and leaned back in his chair smiling. He'd not seen Kris in two days, choosing to push through all the paperwork so he could go and find her this afternoon, his intent was to find her, get her naked and not let her leave the bed to until the following morning. The past two weeks with her and made him see that she was the woman for him and he was going to ask her tonight to go back to England with him and wait for him to obtain the divorce and then they would be married.

Smiling he pushed out of the chair and headed for the supply room. He'd asked Gene earlier in the morning where she was and he'd told Ron that she was taking care of the last of the inventory. Ron couldn't stop the smirk that spread across his lips, the last time he'd found her alone in a supply room…hmm, maybe this one had a lock on the door.

He could hear her voice when he rounded the corner and lightened his steps to try to hear who was with her, he didn't want to embarrass her if it was a soldier, but if it was Nixon, well then all bets were off. Stepping into the doorway, he felt as if he'd been sucker punched. Buck Compton stood in front of her holding her hands in his. The man's smile could have lit the entire room, but his words caused Ron to reach for the doorframe to remain on his feet. She was forgiving Buck and going to California with him. The pain in his chest was ten times worse than the bullet wounds he'd suffered in Holland. Turning slowly he left as silently as he came. There is no way he could stand to hear her response, the pain would be too much.

He wasn't sure how he made it to his room, but found himself there feeling dazed. He'd known, deep in his soul he'd known this would happen. She had been too good for him, she'd been the peace he'd been searching for and now, now she'd bring that calm to another man. Bear another man's children, how, how could this have happened. Closing his eyes he tried to push the pain deep, concentrating on letting, the anger and hatred he felt toward her and Compton rise to the surface. He'd believed Nixon, ha, Nixon had been as blind to her true self as he'd allowed himself to become.

As the anger bubbled to the surface he found solace in the fact that his time was coming, his time to hurt would present its self and in that moment he would remind her true heartache felt like. Moving quickly to his desk he reached for the paperwork that Dick had given him a few days ago, paperwork that would keep him in the Army. Signing it, he tossed it to the side and pulled up a chair. It was time to write his dear wife and let her know she'd be seeing him soon.

xxxxxxx

She was trying to remain patient as Dick scanned the inventory but her rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet caught his attention.

"Some place you need to be Kris? You seem a little anxious is there anything I can do?"

_Yeah, read that paperwork faster._ "No Dick I'm fine, guess I'm just looking forward to grabbing a drink and sitting down is all. It has been a long day."

The edge of Dick's mouth twitched in what could almost be called a grin as he laid the inventory aside. "Hmm, yes it has and I believe your efforts truly deserve a drink and a nice relaxing period." He chuckled at how quickly she spun towards the door, "oh and Kris, he's in his room. He's been there most of the afternoon."

He watched as her mouth gapped like a fish out of water then snapped closed. Her head lifted in pride and as she sniffed. "I've not idea what you would be referring to Major Winters."

Dick waited till he was sure she was gone before laughing. Why she felt compelled to hide the fact she was with Ron was beyond him. Hmm, he wondered how she'd feel if she knew everyone in the company was aware?

xxxxxx

Wiping her palms on her pants, she knocked at his door and waited. She smiled as she thought of the wonderful things she was going to do to his body. When the door opened, she threw herself into his arms and pressed her lips against his. She only had a moments warning when he didn't respond before he grabbed her arms from around his neck and shoved her away from him, his hand coming up to wipe across his mouth.

A shiver of fear slid down her spine, something was terribly wrong here. He was looking at her with the same hatred he'd stared at the soldier who'd shot Grant. Swallowing hard she reached out a hand to touch his arm only to have him slap it away.

"Don't touch me. Don't you ever touch me again you lying whore. Did you think this was a game, did you think it would be fun to lure me in and then crush me? I always knew that women were liars of the worst kind, but you…you are the worst. I hope Compton knows why kind of a whore he's getting or did you and he have a good laugh at my expense. Oh yeah hey, let's see if we can't make Sparky dance on a string, must have been a real good time for the both of you."

His words hurt worse that any physical pain he could have inflicted, the tears pouring down her cheeks as her brain scrambled to catch up with what was happening. Her breath was coming in gasps and she searched the room as she tried to think of what he was talking about, but her absence of defense only pushed him on.

"What nothing to say for yourself? Ha, thank God I didn't hurt my wife for the likes of you. I was so stupid, but never again, so if you've got nothing to say, get the hell away from me."

She had to focus on what he was saying, something about her and Compton? Suddenly a light came on inside her head and the tears dried instantly. "Oh my God Ron, you are such a fool. You heard what Buck said to me and so instead of asking me, you just assumed that what Buck said was right? Instead of fighting him for me, you just gave up? You are unbelievable. Well let me tell you something Ronald Speirs, I told you in Berchtesgaden that if you ever pushed me away it would be the last time and there would be no forgiveness. So I'm offering you one last chance here and you better think about it. I've told you and done everything I could to prove to you my love, my loyalty and my desire for you and you alone. So what's it going to be? "

She watched as he stepped in close to her, his hand wrapping around her upper arm in a painful grip. She had to fight not to wince at the pain.

"You want my answer?" His voice was low and dangerous, and for the first time ever she was truly afraid of him. She heard the door open behind her and suddenly he shoved her hard out the door knocking her into the wall across from the door. "Well there's my answer, hope you and Compton have a good life together."

When the door slammed shut she pulled herself up from where, she'd been leaning against the wall. Straightening her spine, she slowly walked back to the headquarters she'd just left. She knew what she had to do and she'd take care of Buck Compton, but first she had to see Dick.

xxxxxxxx

"You want what? Now! I thought you'd stay until Lew left." Dick shook his head in puzzlement. The last thing he'd ever expected was for Kris to show back up in his office ten minutes after she'd left, but this time she wanted an immediate discharge. Something had definitely happened, her eyes were red as if she'd been crying but her demeanor was eerily calm.

"Well I thought about that, but you have Gene and well I have the points for discharge due to the amount of time I've served, I'll go see Lew right after this if you'll say yes." She found it easy to stand here and say the words that she was leaving. Working for Lew would give her the time she needed to regroup and figure out what she was really going to do. God how she wished she could get angry, or hell even cry, but suddenly every emotion except flat calm had escaped her.

Dick nodded, "okay talk to Lew. I'll take care of the paperwork, I'm sure we can get you out tomorrow."

Nodding she turned and headed back across the compound. She focused on finding Lew, but when the light reflected off blonde hair caught her attention, she changed course.

"Buck, I'd like to speak with you," glancing at the men with him, "alone." Turning she walked off knowing he was behind her. When she felt they had put sufficient distance between them and the men, she turned to face him.

"Buck, I'm only going to say this once so listen to me carefully. I know what dirty underhanded trick you pulled on Ron earlier today and I find it vile and hateful. You never once stopped to consider the pain something like that might cause me or even him. You only cared that you would get what you wanted and to hell with everyone else."

She paused to take another deep breath before continuing. "Well I'm going to let you in on a little secret, you hurt Ron terribly and you allowed him to believe things about me that weren't true. You intentionally played on his fears to gain the advantage. Well friend, you gained nothing. Ron doesn't want me now, he believed your lies and won't even listen to me, but what you failed to realize was how badly this would hurt me. So I'm only going to say this once, you've gained nothing from me except my hatred for you. I never want to see, speak or hear from you again. Stay away from me."

Spinning on her heel, she left him standing there. She didn't look back and she never would. Today would be the first day of her new life, and today would be the day that a new Kris emerged, tougher and stronger than before.

****

_Nixon Nitration Works-1954_

Lew frowned as he leaned around the door and glanced at Kris. Rolling his eyes, he walked back to his desk and flopped in the chair, automatically reaching for the desk door that contained his stash of Vat 69. Ten fucking years they had played this game. Every year as the anniversary of the last time, she'd seen Ron the scene repeated it's self.

Sighing he closed his eyes and tried to think. He and Dick had done everything they could when they first came home to pull her out of the rut she'd fallen into. She'd shown up at work every day, did her job and went home. She rarely smiled except in the execution of her duties. She also refused to talk to men outside of him and Dick.

Dick had said she needed time, well that time had gone from one year to five and by the sixth year, Lew had given up. He'd had his own issues at the time and by the time he'd resolved those issues, another four years had passed. Now granted, her smiles came easier and more often, but her social life was still lacking. He'd even gone so far as to throw her a birthday party last year, inviting men from Easy Company as well as a few well to do nice men that would have made a good match, only to have her shut them all down.

Putting his flask away, he walked out into the outer officer and leaned against her desk. "Well if I'm not mistaken I believe it's time for lunch, I'm buying."

Kris snorted and leaned back in her chair, "well considering you own the company, I don't think it's going to be a huge issue for you to pay now is it? Thanks for the offer but I'm not hungry." She turned her back on him and started typing on a report. She knew he was still standing there, but if she ignored him he'd go away, it'd worked in the past.

"Okay enough get up out of that chair and let's go down to the cafeteria and eat a nice lunch like civilized people. Oh and I don't care if you're hungry or not, you're going."

"Fine, might I ask what is wrong with you?" She snatched her purse and started for the door.

"Nothing's wrong with me, I'm hungry, I want company and I'm the boss, enough said."

They grabbed their trays and sat in silence, Lew wolfing down his lunch while watching Kris scoot food across the plate giving the illusion of eating. Frowning he wiped his mouth and laid down his utensils. "Alright, I've had it."

Kris's head jerked up at his tone, "what do you mean you've had it? What is wrong with you Lew?"

"I'm telling you I'm tired of this. Every summer we go through this same crap. You get depressed, you won't eat and you're terrible to be around. Dear God, it's been ten years, he's not contacted you, he's not coming back and you need to move on with your life."

She gasped, her hand clutching at her throat. Lew had never brought up Ron and she couldn't believe they were discussing it now. "What is wrong with you today? Too much Vat before lunch or something, or let me guess, ex-wife number two wants more money. Well which one?"

"Well aren't you one to judge others. You've been pining away for that jerk for the last ten years. When you've not been doing that you've been telling me how to run my life. Honestly Kris, why have you not tried to find him?"

When he asked that question all the fight she'd had in her disappeared. "I don't know why, except you didn't see the way he looked at me when he threw me out. I just couldn't go through that again; it's easier to live in the pain of never knowing. Besides he was married and well that little boy would be ten now and Ron would be his dad…"

Lew chuckled, "well sweetheart I got something to tell you. I go to those reunions, you know the ones you refuse to go to and I heard that he's not married. Seems the widow wasn't a widow after all. Her real husband showed up and Ron's been free ever since."

She felt hope fill her chest for one brief moment, he was free that meant that they could be together and have a chance. Then reality stepped in crushing hope, he'd been free for ten years and yet had never tried to find her. Closing her eyes, she tried to think of anything other than the pain of that thought. Pushing quickly to her feet, she grabbed her tray. "Well if you'll excuse me I need to get back to my desk, my boss is a real slave driver." The smile she gave him as she turned away held all the warmth of an iceberg.

He sat tapping his fingers on the table. Something about this situation had to give. He knew where Ron was and he obviously knew where she was, all he needed to do was get them in the same place. Frowning he racked his brain for thoughts on how to make it happen. Smiling he let the idea slide around his brain taking shape. It was an evil trick to play but if it worked, everyone would be happy.

xxxxxxxxx

Lew sat at the bar nursing his drink. It hadn't been hard to pull this off. Finding Ron had turned out to be easy and coupled with the fact he would be leaving for Germany in a few days, bringing him to New York under the guise of them having dinner and spending some time together had been all to simple. Getting Kris to show up, was even easier, he'd just groveled and told her it was an apology diner for hitting below the belt.

He'd met Ron yesterday and had a long talk with him. It had only taken him thirty minutes to convince him he'd been wrong about Kris and Buck, well that and an apology letter from Buck admitting everything. He'd refused to tell Ron where Kris was, which had almost driven the other man to violence, but then he told him to calm down, he was going to arrange something and if Ron screwed this up, he was on his own.

When Kris came in the maître de quickly escorted her to the table he had reserved, placing her so her back was to the door. He knew if she saw Ron coming, she was likely to bolt for the door.

His smirk grew when he saw the man in question step into the room, this time the maitre de simply pointed at the table. Ron was defiantly impressing in his dress uniform and all his ribbons. Lew took another sip and sat back to watch the show as Ron made his way to the table.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Kris checked her watch again. Typical Lew, he was late. Well this time she'd show him, she'd stay and have a wonderful diner with champagne and every other expensive thing she could find off the menu. Snatching it up, she narrowed her eyes and began to contemplate exactly how much this date was going to cost him. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught the glimpse of someone standing beside the table. Not bothering to look up she waved he hand at him. "Bring me the most expensive bottle of champagne on the menu. Oh and if you're really nice, you can have one for yourself."

She heard feet shuffle and assumed that the waiter was heading off to do her bidding; she didn't notice someone sit down across from her. Gnawing at her lower lip, she began to mumble to herself.

"One of these day's Kris you are going to do serious damage to that lip if you keep chewing on it."

She froze as the sound of his voice, a voice that for the last ten years had haunted her dreams. Slowly she lowered the menu and raised her eyes. She felt the tears build behind her lashes and breathing became ragged. He was every bit as handsome as he ever was. The lines on his face a little deeper from the years of command and the slight graying at the temples belied the life he'd been living.

She swallowed hard and shook her head, "you're not here, this is a joke, no I don't understand. Oh no I've got to go." Reaching under the table she grabbed her purse and moved to stand only to be halted by his warm hand grasping hers.

"No Kris don't leave. It's no mistake and yes I'm really here, and I want to talk to you." He didn't remove his hand until he was convinced she was going to remain in her chair, nodding his head when she pulled her hand away and laid it in her lap.

Sighing he took a deep breath and began, "I want to tell you that I'm the world's biggest fool. For ten years, I've hated myself every day for not believing you and worse than that, for letting you go without a fight. I knew that letting you go would be like losing a piece of my soul and I was right. I've felt incomplete and lost without you. I should have trusted you, you were everything I wanted and I just couldn't get past my own insecurities and jealousy. You loved me even when you shouldn't and right now I'd walk through the fires of hell if you would just smile."

"What do you expect of me Ron? I told you that day, I couldn't forgive you for pushing me way. Ten fucking years ago you crushed me, left me lying bleeding on the floor and now after all this time you come here with…with this confession? Why didn't you try to find me ten years ago when you no longer had a wife?"

He ran his hand through his hair in frustration, "I don't know, I think I was scared. Hell you aren't exactly happy to see my now, why would have been happy then?"

Growling she crossed her arms and glared at him, "well then I suppose you think I should just let you back in, give you that second chance or third or fourth. I've done this so many times I've lost count, so tell me Ron what do you want of me?"

He slowly got to his feet and moved around to her side. Taking one of her hands, he tugged if free and wrapped it up in his, dropping to his knees beside her. "Alright you want to know what I want; well this is what I want. I want us to stop wasting time, and I want you to be my wife, travel the world with me, beside me every night when I go to bed and every morning I wake up. Because so help me, I'll never leave you again and I'll spend the rest of our lives showing you every day just how much I love you."

Looking up over his head she tried to find something to focus on only to spot Lewis Nixon standing at the bar, champagne in hand, his eyebrow lifted in question. Smiling she dropped her eyes back to the man on his knees beside her. "Yes, I want those things and more. I never stopped loving you Ron, but damn it, you're going to grovel for a few years over this one."

He smiled and slipped the ring on her finger, "yes ma'am."

Behind the kissing couple, Lew raised his glass in toast. Mission accomplished.

****

_Present 2010_

Kris let herself back into the house, the strain of the last twelve hours pressing down on her. Tonight she felt every one of her eighty plus years. She was more tired than she could ever remember being, but was the happiest woman in the world at the same time. Her great-grandson had been born today, Ronald Lynn Compton and he was the best of both his parents.

Sitting down in her favorite rocker, she looked around at the pictures in the house. There were now more of her and Ron during the war sitting around the house. Ever since they'd returned last summer from Europe she'd been more open about her past and found herself longing to see his face.

Sighing she closed her eyes. Maybe if she just napped for a few moments she'd feel better then she could go back to the hospital and see Sam. She wasn't sure what woke her but the feel of someone holding her hand caused her to slowly open her eyes.

"Hey sleepy head, I thought I'd never get you awake. It's time to go; I've been waiting for you."

For a moment she was confused, standing in front of her was Ron, but the much younger version of him, handsome and in uniform. "I don't understand, is it time? But what about Sam?"

He smiled and pulled her to her feet, the pain that would normally have accompanied that action suddenly gone. Looking down at their joined hands, she gasped at the youthful appearance. His hands bracketed her face lifting it so she could see him. "Sam is going to be fine; after all she has our great-grandson to look after, as for me and you, well we have some lost time to make up for."

She felt the tears well in her eyes and she reached to caress his face, her hand visibly shaking. "You left me, oh God it was so hard, but its okay you're here now."

He kissed her forehead, "sweetheart I never left you, I was always with you, every step of the way. Now come on, time to go."

Wrapping her hand in his feeling his warmth and strength, she knew it was okay and this was where she belonged.

xxxxxxxx

Buck rushed as quickly as he could to grab the phone. Calls that came in the middle of the night were never good news. "Hello."

"Granddad, its Jay, I've got some bad news."

"What is it now Sam or the baby is it?"

"No, no they're both fine, at least as fine as they can be. I went to pick Kris up this morning and take her to the hospital and…"

Buck heard the break in his voice and closed his eyes as if that would stop the words from coming. "She's gone isn't she?"

"Yeah it looks like she just sat down and went to sleep. I'm so sorry."

Somehow Buck managed to smile, "no reason to be sorry Jay, she's with Ron now. Hell she's probably happier than any of us."


End file.
